Aspartners: My responses

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I forget where I saw it, but my wife and I call it OHIO: "Only Handle It Once". Once one of us says something like, "Hey did we give the cats flea medicine this month?" that's it. OHIO. "Nope. Go get a cat right now!" It works. I'm sure it looks a little idiotic to an outside observer, but it means once we remember something we don't get a second chance to forget it.

As far as not reading cues about your ex, League_Girl, everyone misses cues whether they have AS or not. Until you've been exposed to a situation and know what the nuances of meaning are, it's hard to know. People joke about this, but it's true and it's serious. Like with dating when someone says, "I'll call you." The joke is this actually means, "No way am I ever going to call you." Har har. But I sure didn't know it the first time I tried to ask someone out on a date! I waited and waited, and they never called. When I asked them about it they looked at me like I was an idiot. To them the message was clear. To me it meant they would call. It hurt when they explained it, but it sure was a relief that I could move on and quit waiting for a phone call!

The first time I saw one of these translation guidelines for dating where a bunch of these were explained, the person who sent it to me had meant it as a joke. Reading it now it really was pretty humorous. But at the time I was taking mental notes! It explained a lot.

League_Girl, it sounds like you're in a much much better relationship with your husband than you were with your ex. With hindsight I bet you can look at a lot of things your ex did, compare to what your husband would do in the same situation, and see the difference. Make the comparison and ask yourself which one makes you feel better about yourself, feel better about them, and better about life in general. Until you have enough experiences to make those comparisons, it's hard to know. That's why everyone knew about your ex before you did. At that point he was your only sample set. You didn't have anyone to compare him to. Other people had their own relationships to draw from and compare against, so they saw something in him that you didn't.

20/20 hindsight is always more accurate than what you see at the time. But it doesn't make it hurt any less.

My interview occured on 7-6-2010. It really was not much of an interview. It seemed like it was a mere formality. I was automatically given the job. I was told that I was doing installations of computers. He gave me the history of the company and he told me that it was a company that was recently started up.



I was given some tax information to fill out and then I had to submit to a drug test at a different location. I was told that I would have to pay $30 and they would reimburse me. I did get that money back.



I was let go because they said I was not going fast enough. I can send you the email if you want me to. In addition, I received a copy of the policy and procedures of the workplace. I followed these work policies and procedures to the best of my ability. These policies never stated that I had to work at a certain rate of speed. I have reread these policies many times to see if I was wrong. I do not think I am wrong on this. There is no rule in there that said that I had to work at a certain rate of speed. I was never formally told that I was supposed to work at a certain rate of speed. In fact, I do not even know what rate of speed I am supposed to work at. I do have motor coordination problems as well.



Part of what we had to do was unload computers, monitors and other peripherals off of a truck. First, they loaded the computers on the cart past the handle of the cart. It was about 3-5 computers past this handle. We had a very steep slope coming down from the truck. I thought at different moments that the computers and monitors would fall off at any given moment. I did fear that. This is the reason I went slow in trying to take stuff off of the truck.



The next part of this was to unbox everything. By the way, the boxes were already cut open. There were a few times that the monitor boxes were stacked upside down and I had to catch it and make sure I did not drop the monitor. With the unpacking and everything else, I was trying to be very safety conscious towards others and the equipment. Sometimes they would toss the still packed up monitors to various locations. They would throw keyboards into what they call storage boxes to be transported. Even one of the team leads did this and one of the stands came off. I was more concerned about doing an excellent quality job than going fast. I cared more about the safety then going fast as well. This is a part of my aspergers nature. I wanted to try to make it as perfect as I could.



After that, we had to setup the computers. They wanted us to set up many computers with limited space. It was very cramped and it was very difficult to fit the keyboards in these limited spaces. In addition, we all kept having to try to find surge protectors and more ethernet cords. Some of the end computers were far away so we would all have to try find long ethernet cords. A lot of times when I was assigned to do a room I was not provided any ethernet cords so I would have to try to wander around to try to find some. In addition, I would have to ask my team lead or someone else for some. Sometimes, the cords could be in a box on the other side of the school. A lot of us had to go through this.



I saw alot of chaos and I did not see any clear direction of how to know who was assigned to do what and when.



There is a rule on the work policies that says "There are always things to be done in the morning i.e. unloading, trailers, staging, loading trailers, cleaning up the various work areas. Everyone is expected to chip in to help if they are not already working on something else."



I did not know how to apply this rule correctly.



1. How do I know if something truthfully needs to be done when I see it? What if something else has to occur before I do this? What if they want to keep it undone for some strange reason? They may need to do something with this so called activity that needs to be done.



2. What if this was a time sensitive activity? I may be only allowed to do it at a certain time or past a certain time?



3. There seems to be a constraint on this rule. It just says that this rule applies in morning. Does this rule apply in the afternoon and evening as well? I did pitch in anyway in the afternoon and evening but was I violating this rule by pitching in the afternoon and the evening?

4. How was I supposed to know that I was supposed to go at a certain rate of speed if I was never told and it wasn't in their stated policy?

5. Even if I did know how was I supposed to know how to keep up and go at their rate of speed and still do the job right?



Finally, they violated their own rules anyway especially with the breaks. We were supposed to receive two 15 minute breaks. Time was never permitted to receive these breaks. In practice, we were not to take two breaks. Here is another thing that was stated. They said that our shift was from 7:00 am to 4:30 pm. It never happened this way. There are times we got off at 7:30 pm and one time at 8:30 pm. The times we all got off were variable and I could not really plan anything during the week whatsoever. I never knew what was truly going to happen as officially there was a set schedule but unoffically we got off when we were done with everything.

By the way I only lasted their for a week and a half. Here is the kicker right here. On the last day, we didn't even finish the whole project. At 5:30 PM we were all kicked out by the client. We had to all hurry up and pack up everything.

Here are my questions to this.

1. If we all had to get off at these later times then why can't I argue we were all inefficient and slow. The whole freaking process was inefficient and ineffective.

2. If things were running smoothly and the whole thing was efficient then why didn't we finish the project on my last day I worked there before I was let go.

3. If we were all inefficient and slow then why was I singled out? Am I missing information and could other people have been fired as well?

4. How was I and any of us supposed to set these things up in a timely manner if we had such cramped spaces to set these things up in?

They said they tried to tell me I was going to slow. No, I was not told. I was never told anything like this.

Here is a real doozie. I tried to go to the EEOC to complain about this and sue for discrimination. They told me I would've had to tell them I had aspergers. In addition, they do not have to tell me how fast I am supposed to go. They told me I am not entitled to knowing the rules of the workplace. These things are true because my state is a right to work state. If I am such a dumb f**k and a ret*d like the women at aspartners and others seem to think I am because I have AS then:

1. Why Do I have questions such as these?
2. Then how am I supposed to support myself and make it in this society at all?
3. Why am I and others with AS are not entitled to the fringe benefits of being dumbfucks and ret*ds? dumb f**k is a word that a woman at aspartners used to call her husband. If he is such a dumb f**k aneidabreak then how is he truly able to support himself and why is he denied any help whatsoever?

Lot of places aren't going to tell you to work fast because they figure you will because everyone knows you can't work slow or else things won't get done. But then they also have a problem when you work too fast.





With me I find it impossible to be perfect or else things won't get done. Maybe part of my AS also. I do not see how people even have time for both.




Always a pain having to leave your job to go look and then getting behind.





It means to be done in the morning.



I think you are thinking too much about it and seeing things that are not there.



See above




I would assume not unless it was never done. Possibly that you were violating it. Rules are not black and white, remember that.



I think people just naturally know. With aspies, they either go too slow or too fast. I used to pretend I was in a game show so I worked fast. The object was to see how fast I could get it done. But then my boss told me I was going too fast and I didn't need to be that rough. So I slowed down a little and my boss didn't bug me about going too slow.



I have no idea. I wonder how people do two things at once. Working the normal speed and being perfect. I would rather not be perfect just so I'd get it done. I know I won't be able to get everything off the floor or sink or toilet but I will do my personal best to scrub it and see how much I can get off. I would expect the boss to understand it wouldn't come off when I tried.




What was the scenario? Did they have lot of work that day so things couldn't get done by 4:30? Was anyone absent? Were the days busy? Was there lot of shipment?

Sometimes days get busy and people end up staying later and get over time. Sometimes people get done early so they get to leave early. I think the time frame is for when things are supposed to get finished by but there are going to be days when it be real busy so you may end up staying late. Sometimes you would have to skip your breaks because you want to get done sooner because you know it's a busy day. I have skipped my break because I wanted to get done and not get off late because we had a safety meeting so it made me get behind. I have had my lunch and then gone back to work before my break was even over because I wanted to get done. We are not supposed to do this but it happens anyway. I don't think it's mandatory to skip your break but it's something people choose to do because they want to get done. Also sometimes people will be calling in sick so you may end up staying later because there be more work that needs to get done because that person is absent. The work is split up for all the other workers to do so it gets done and they won't get lot of over time. I think this is just something that everyone knows. But I do think anyone would have issues planning if their work was always like this. That be annoying as hell I tell you.




So was the job temporary? So everyone got fired?



As I say, what was the scenario? If things were busy, it's not their fault they had lot of work that needed to be done and no one is Sonic the hedgehog to get it all done by 4:30. As I say, things are not black and white. They make exceptions like when it's a busy day, it's okay to go past your hour.




Because you guys got kicked out.



You could have been slower than others. It's possible others could have been fired. I try and think positive such as "I am sure others got fired too."



I don't know.



Either they are bullshitting you because they don't want to admit their bad or they were putting of the cues and you didn't pick up on it so they thought they were telling you you were going too slow. maybe they implied it and you didn't read between the lines to see it. What were the things they had been saying to you during the week about your work? Could they have been implying it?

When I was 18, my boss told me "Beth, you are fast" and I thought it was a compliment so I thought I could work faster to impress her more. So I did that and I didn't even know she was implying that she wanted me to slow down. I found this out after I was given my orientation and I was very upset with what I got so mom had a meeting with her and that was when I found out. So there was a cue there I had missed. To her view she did tell me I was going too fast but the reason why I didn't think she ever told me was because I didn't pick up on it, I took her literal. So it's good to go back and try and remember all the things that have been said to me and done and trying to figure out if they could have implied it. When things happen, I try and go back and see what might have happened. What I mean by going back is thinking about it, the things I said or the things people said and try and figure out what happened. Like why did this person act that way, what did I do. I speculate and analyze. But why do I do this if I can't read minds, I am not going to get my answer that way. What if I figure things out wrong? I mostly think it was them with the problem, not me and I didn't do anything wrong.



I guess because you didn't tell them you had Asperger's they didn't know so they treated you like an NT. So therefore they didn't discriminate because they didn't know you had it. You are only protected if you tell them but the problem is, even if you did tell them, they can still refuse to hire you and just say they found someone who was more qualified and had more experience. You can't win. Maybe if you told them after the hiring, then things would have been better? I should also start telling people I have it too but I feel so embarrassed about it. That's why a diagnoses exists, to help us in life.




Because you want to learn and get better and not be disabled nor limited by your AS. You want to be a better person. You want to make changes to fit in and make your life easier.



Social Security.




I don't know. Why did the woman called her husband that?

One of my aspie friends always tells me NTs expect us to follow their rules and be like them and they won't change for us because they are the majority and the norm. I sometimes wonder what is the point of a label if people refuse to understand us and won't cut us some slack or understand? I think lot of aspies be so much happier and less impaired if everyone was so understanding and helpful. Of course there still be impairments but I bet lot of us would be so much happier and they would finally see themselves as normal. How can they be positive if they get so much crap in their life? I was happier in school because I got the help I needed and I didn't get bullied so I didn't mind school nor hated it. I felt normal. I only felt abnormal when I get treated like crap but I still viewed myself as normal. Instead I thought it was their fault not mine but here I go again blaming myself about my AS issues.

I'm not going to try to analyze what they did or why they did it. A lot of what you described is pretty classic. Overloading carts in an effort to speed things up, not having breaks (which most state's employment laws require!) because they're running out of time, and running overtime on a regular basis all point to poor organization on their part.

On the face of it, they got kicked out of a work site by the client because they ran over time. That implies they're slow. So they fire an employee, and write down "Works too slow" as the reason. Now they can go back and ask for another chance to do the work because they can demonstrate they took care of the problem by firing the slowest worker on the crew.

I'm not saying you work slower than anyone else, mind you. What I'm describing is the classic scapegoat scenario. The IT industry went through a lot of this post-Y2K when companies were trying to pare down their staff, often ruthlessly. It had nothing to do with the quality of the worker. A friend of mine was laid off instead of me and to this day I don't know why. He was a more valuable member of the team. I think it came down to the boss not liking the guy. (He didn't care for me much either, but I guess I bugged him less.) In short, it sucks. But I wouldn't lose sleep over the reasons why. You were convenient.

To answer another question, though, about how you were supposed to know if you were working fast enough, your manager should've told you in as direct, and polite a way as possible. Something to the tune of, "Hey, we're all trying to finish this so we can go home. Can you pick up the pace a little? We're falling behind." That would be enough. If this was never said, your manager wasn't doing their job.

On the hours, they should have made that clear from the get-go. Where I work now that is made very clear almost daily. We stay until the work is done. We have to. It's the nature of the job. But this doesn't mean we're galley slaves. The managers need to parcel out the jobs so they can be accomplished in a timely fashion, and they also need to keep track of the priorities so we know what we're doing at any given moment is what most needs doing. If a manager consistently hands out jobs that can't be completed in the time allowed, that's grounds to go over their head and complain that they're over-tasking their people. It goes both ways.

But sometimes we do work late. Things come up. Things go wrong. What should be a quick one-hour job blows up into a six-hour nightmare, so other things get pushed aside or we call to get more people on the jobs we're doing. The point is consistency. If the same scheduling snafus happen day after day and no one seems to do anything about it, that's management's fault. If everyone is jamming except one person, they need to pick up the pace. (But the manager also needs to bring it to their attention so they know they should!) If scheduling snafus only come up once in a while, that's life. It does happen. But it's nice when you know everyone is doing what they can so that it doesn't.

I just think you got burned on that job. Don't beat yourself up over it, and don't judge all employers by what you saw. Better jobs exist out there.

http://forums.delphiforums.com/ASPartne ... sg=11006.1

This is part of a post from message 13 of 17.

enmeshed, you said "The more I learn of AS the more confused I get about what's real and what isn't. It makes me feel so unsure of what I think I know about people. I mean, really, how could I have been with this man for so long and not have figured out that there was something "different" about him. It makes me feel as if my whole adult life wasn't real."

Maybe it is time to question our own perceptions of reality then. We all have thoughts in our heads. How do we truly know that all of the thoughts that our in our brains as electrical impulses are true and correct? How do you know that what you perceive, actually is? We all have biases and predjudices as well. How do we truly rid of ourselves of these biases and predjudices to see what the true nature of reality is? For example, we have the electromagnetic spectrum. On that, is the visible spectrum. Do you remember Roy G. Biv in grade school? These are frequencies that our visual system is only designed to perceive. It is the same with sound. There are sounds that human beings can't hear but dogs can. These questions goes to aspies and other NTs as well. Maybe it is time to start examining and reexamining our beliefs, perceptions and our thoughts? Finally, what if our language, words, definitions, concepts, and meanings are not models of reality but our perceptions of reality?

Cubedemon, I'm sorry to hear you've had so much frustration with the world of work. Your issues there can be overcome, but you need the equivalent of a translator, perhaps, to understand business priorities.

Some things to be aware of:

1). NTs tend to sense pace because it is natural for them to compare themselves to their coworkers. If you take twice as long to move a box as the next guy, you are going too slow. This is something NTs inherently understand, so it probably never occured to anyone that you would need an explanation. If you were moving with the team, there may be more to it.

2). Perfection costs too much. In business you live with good enough. What that is will vary by job and situation.

3). Speed always matters, given that the business of business is to make money. It costs less to break one 2 dollar part every hour than to deliver everything perfect in two hours instead of one. Business is always running variants on that equation.

I'm not fast, my son is also tested with slow processing speed. I've learned to add value in other ways, and I only take jobs where I can see the opportunity to do so. I can't move faster, so it's asking for failure to put myself in a situation where speed will be more important than smart. Add this to things you now know about yourself and move on.

Thank you DW_a_Mom. I did not know any of these things. Why did they fire me just like that? Why was I not given any direct instruction right then and there? This is the sort of instruction I would have loved to receive. "Cubedemon, we have a schedule and timetable we have to keep to. Your pace is to slow and you're working to slow at unboxing and setting up the computers." After they told me this I would've apologized profusely and I would've told them that I was making sure that

a. I was not damaging the equipment
b. I was trying to make sure everything was done correctly and perfectly.
c. I had major problems looking for ethernet cords and surge protectors.
d. I have a disability called Asperger's disorder I would have gone ahead and described my condition. After that
e. I would've apologized again profusely and would have said I am sorry I caused such major inconvience. Will you please forgive me and have mercy on me?

I used to believe the popular myth that some kind of valid Aspie "template" of emotional/psychological behavior exists, e.g., all Aspies behave this way. I learned (the hard way) that no such "template" or "checklist" exists.

This is a part of a post that a WP member named HopeGrows wrote.

I thought that if I read enough books about Aspergers and the autism spectrum, chatted with as many people as I could who have AS, and just generally educated myself as much as possible about autism that I could figure out the key to have a successful relationship with the person I have been involved with for almost two years. However, much like HopeGrows stated no such template really exists.

I think that people with AS are looking for the same type of template for NTs and no template exists for us either. Some of us are more patient and willing to take the time to explain things more than others. Some NTS are more observant than others and realize more intuitively when a person is struggling to understand what is being said to them. Some NTs are more flexible in their thinking than others. The list goes on and on. In a work setting it often depends on what type of NTs are in positions of leadership and authority, these people can influence the tone of the organization. The personality type of your coworkers is another key factor in how well a group of people function and communicate. Unfortunately for all of us there is no template to follow for understanding.

Even though I have not found all of the answers on how to successfully understand AS thinking in my research, it has helped to a degree. I joined AS Partners almost two years ago, but I did not become an active member or frequent the site at all until recently. I decided to focus more on WP and interacting with people of the spectrum more than interacting with other AS Partners. I found and still find that most people on that particular forum are at a crossroads in their relationship where it is not working. I think that it is a place more for commiserating about the difficulties that have occurred and not so much about finding answers. For many that seems to be too late. There is another Delphi forum I am a member of AS Relationships that work (or something like that) but it does not seem very active.

One thing I do notice when I interact with others who are involved with people on the spectrum (not just on AS Partners but everywhere) is that my approach to understanding and therefore reaching a positive outcome does not seem to be the same as many I talk to. I am often very surprised that when a problem or issue in a relationship is being discussed core components of AS are not discussed as being the reason for the issue. For example in my personal opinion alexithymia causes a huge amount of difficulty in AS/NT communication. Lack of theory of mind is another factor that contributes to miscommunication, yet the amount of people who do not really seem to understand these concepts shocks me, and since they do not know about them they cannot apply this knowledge to finding a solution.

I know people who have an 8 year old family member who was diagnosed with autism when he was quite young. They didn’t seem to connect his meltdown on the school bus with his sensory issues.

There are times when I am very turned off by posts on WP, the Delphi Forums, PscyForums AS Board and other places as well. But I have also encountered some really nice people too. I think most of us want the same things, to find a way to connect and enjoy each other for the unique individuals that we all are. Some people both AS and NT have been so badly hurt that they get very bitter and I think the broad brush blanket statements made about either side in general or specifically about a partner are to mask the pain that has been encountered. I find myself doing that when I am interacting with a very good friend of mine. I have been hurt by the person I am involved with quite badly and so I have made some very negative comments lately.

Yet I never use a broad brush when speaking about people on the spectrum in general. Two of my very good friends I met on WP and they have been helpful and supportive to me every step of the way. As a matter of fact I would say that when I have reached out to ask specific questions of people here on WP they have always responded and been as helpful as they could.
One of my biggest frustrations has been that I am unsure about some of the information in the educational material I have read. This has caused me a lot of angst.

A lot of the information seems to indicate that people with AS don’t lie are always truthful to the point of being hurtful and that they often make loyal and faithful partners. That is not always true. I am in no way saying that Aspies lie more or cheat more than NTs, just that they can lie and can cheat. I also came away with the belief that if you are in a relationship with someone with AS it’s not that they don’t want to make you happy, its that they don’t know how. I can be a very clear person, so sometimes in my instance I don’t believe its that he doesn’t know how, because I’ve told him.

This has been something that I have been talking to my friends with AS about and posting some questions on other forums.

Since no template for how to interact with each other exists, I think the only thing that we can do is educate ourselves as much as possible. Be patient with each other. Try to not react in every instance like the other person had malicious intent behind their actions or words. Some people are going to automatically dislike us just because of our neurological status due to past negative interactions. Those people will not help us progress to any goals we may have.

At times I get very overwhelmed by what seems like the enormity of the challenges of understanding all of this. There are times when I believe I can over think a situation because I feel like the solution is just beyond my grasp and if I stop thinking about it for even a second this “solution” that I feel is hovering just beyond my consciousness will disappear forever. It is at those times when my thinking is the most clouded because it feels frantic. I need to learn to just stop and breath, I think that’s a lesson that quite a few of us could learn.

When things were good with my aspie I found many things about him extremely endearing and I was never frustrated by his questions, was able to better adapt to his needs and feel very comfortable with him. I think there are certain things we can all find a little humor in and not always take things so seriously. That is harder for all of us when we are not communicating at all and angry or upset.

I suppose it depends on what each person’s goal is what they will take from these forums. Perhaps the most effective way to utilize the forums is to interact with those people who seem to have the same goals.

Some people will wish to commiserate and to vent. Some people look for general companionship and like to playfully interact with others. Some people come to these forums to find genuine answers to questions and to get a better understanding of how AS and NT people perceive the world. Maybe it would be best if we all found the group or groups of people that had common goals and interacted with these people. I think we all have enough frustration and hurt feelings in our life. Perhaps it is not helpful to seek out more of these things, but instead feel the positive kinship that comes from interacting with like minded though neurologically different people.

Cubedemon, another unwritten rule is that you avoid apologizing "profusely.". Yes, you apologize, but after that people are much more interested in how you plan to make it right than they are in your guilt. So you say something like, "Oh, I'm sorry for throwing things off schedule. I'm picking up the pace right now!" and then you jump right to it and SHOW them that you will make it right. Apologizing profusely makes people uncomfortable and wastes time.

So we're not supposed to apologize? So we are not to apologize for something we cannot help or have troubles with?

I am confused about what you mean by apologizing profusely.

DO apologize, but don't apologize for the same thing over and over and over. Instead, move into making up for the error. In personal relations sometimes all you can do is apologize profusely, in which case it might be appropriate, but in the work place they are usually more interested in the fix. Broke something? Offer to replace it. Made an error? Re-do the work promptly. Went too slow? Work a little over. And so on.

Cubedemon, look at ViewUpHere's post about 4 posts back. I too think you were not managed well. Unfortunately what happened to you happens to many people, AS and NT alike. No employer is perfect but some are much better than this. Try not to analyze but pray for a better job as you look for it. You'll drive yourself nuts if you try to make sense out of what doesn't make sense.

I agree. My comments were less about that situation, which honestly may have been set up to be short term, than general life - job advice.

Ntgrl, your approach I can understand. But on that forum .. They don't act like they want their marriages to be better. They don't throw in any of the things I'm used to hearing from women who struggle but build bridges anyway. It's almost like they are trying to create their own self full-filling prophecies at this point. Painful to read. And it makes me feel bad for the spouses; I wouldn't want to be married to someone who talks like that about me, venting or not.

Hi DW_a_mom you are correct many of the people on that forum are not there to find answers or build bridges. Many are in the process of divorce or are actually divorced. Several have been married for over 20 years.

I think being an NT in a relationship with somebody on the spectrum can end up being a very isolating experience because many times we don't know anyone else in the same situation. Many of these people had no idea that their husbands were autistic until very recently. Some have been diagnosed within the last couple of years. So for me reading some of the experiences were helpful because I don't know anyone who has gone through some of the things that I have encountered.

There are women there who would like for their relationships to work and are not totally negative about their husbands or partners. There is also a woman who has AS who posts questions about her husband and they have been in the month that I have been reading and posting a little in the forum very nice to her.

I don't think that AS Partners is a forum that people who are searching for soultions to relationship questions and would like to have answers should go. That is probably why when I first joined two years ago that I didn't frequent the site. As time progressed there was one particular question that I had, and I felt that perhaps I could find my answer there. As I began to read the posts, I did respond to a couple people. I tried to keep my responses linked back to different types of educational material I had read. I soon figured out that there were some members who needed that and would value it, and then there are some who are not at that point any more.

I actually responded to WastedPaper, but my post was deleted by the moderator, because I cut and pasted a response that I wrote to someone on WP when they asked a question about why NTs stay in relationships with men who have AS. I believe that Cubedmon6073 made reference to this particular thread which did include someone saying that we want to "crap out children." I only posted the question and my response on AS Partners, I thought that would be ok to do so since the response was mine, but was told that I could not do that.

I wanted to show the people on the AS Partners forum that yes, sometimes there are offensive things said or asked on WP, but that we can respond in a manner that is appropriate and try to get our point across. I also pointed out that I was shown some support by members of WP and how much I appreciated that.

Ironically someone else from WP was talking about something that he had read about on AS Partners, and I had no idea that was the delphi forum that I had joined years ago. After I stopped posting things got very ugly and the moderator locked the thread.

I think that WastedPaper responded to me in a positve manner and seemed to appreciate the way that I phrased my response and how respectful that I was. Honestly I think that she was just rather hurt and shocked by what she read on WP. I don't think she meant her post to be about aspie bashing.

I am not sure that much can be gained by people from WP frequenting that site. I don't think that everyone there thinks that all people on the spectrum are the same (some may) but they are very angry with their husbands and some of them really are justified to be that angry with their significant other, but not the entire autistic population.