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6 year old Mini Dictator

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angelgarden
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31 Jan 2012, 6:46 am

btbnnyr wrote:
I laughed as I read your post, OP. I laughed, because I used to be this mini-dictator. In fact, one of my parentally-bestowed nicknames was "Little Tyrant" or "Little Dictator". Homo sapiens horribilis. I am still laughing as I type.

Anyway, this dictatorial behavior is indeed related to autism. It happens because the child comes up with one way to do things, and this One True Way feels just so right and awesome and beautiful and wonderful and all possible positive superlatives that any other way is POOP.

This behavior does ameliorate over time and with age. I would say that you may give your son little nudges in the more flexible direction as he gets older. You can explain to him your perspective, very explicitly. For example, you can explain that the One True Way feels great to him, but not everyone feels that way. Different people have different One True Ways, so you might do the Darth Vader breathing noise five times, as per your number, and he may do it eight times, as per his number, but your One True Way that feels great to you is different from his One True Way that feels great to him. .
:lol:

I think the above is right on. I know this is an old thread, but I am happy it popped back up again. To the OP: My son is almost the same, though he is younger, so some of that is expected, only it is quite exaggerated compared to his NT peers.
He CAN NOT lose . . . even if he scores less on a turn, he cries and gets sad or angry about it. Makes playing games with others very difficult.
Same, with other types of play, it must follow his prescribed rule--he HAS to be Finn McMissile, and I HAVE to be Mater and I have to follow/play how he commands me to. And I MUST hum the Cars 2 theme music--and must be the exact song for the part we are playing. Play with his little sister is often strained because of this.
His number obsession is the #14--because we live on the 14th floor. But this means that his menu choice must be #14 from the menu, or that the volume on the stereo must be dialed in at '14' We are trying to ease him into some flexibility by saying he could select 7 too, because 2x7 is 14, just to try to get him to be flexible and creative in his preferences. Also, sometimes we just suck up and brace for the meltdown, because if '14' on the stereo is too loud, well, he doesn't have a choice.
We were recommended to not let him get 'carried away' with this rigidity. I really like how 'btbnnyr' poster described talking to him. And we have tried some of that. I like the Darth Vader analogy--since my son loves Star Wars (though he hasn't seen it yet!), he'd totally listen to that analogy.
Today, my son cried because my husband's favorite ice cream flavor choice wasn't the SAME as his--he stated my DH has to pick the same as he does because that's the best one. Anyway, we are doing our best to understand his preferences and humor him occasionally, but to not give in to them 100% just to avoid a tantrum. So, of course, my husband ate the ice cream he wanted to eat, not what my son chose. As someone said, he has to learn to function in the real world with others, and a tantrum at 4 is better than one at 40.



zette
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31 Jan 2012, 9:41 am

I've heard the term "creative obstruction" - basically you start by challenging his ridigity in tiny ways, and when that is tolerated, gradually work toward more and more flexibility. Play based therapies such as Floortime are supposed to be good for this.



League_Girl
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31 Jan 2012, 3:14 pm

I way the same way when I was little and I would throw a fit if it didn't go my way. Luckily I never really told anyone what characters they had to be or what color they had to play. I was labeled as bossy. But when I realized what effect it was giving me, I changed and learned to be more flexible.