From kid to parent

Post Reply New Topic

I think at this point it would be easier if i learned how to cope and handle other people, at least those whom are close to me, without mentioning autism all together. I did not expect them to disregard it so easily after they showed initial support with the idea of me seeking another evaluation. It degenerated from them not believe it was autism but something was there, to thinking I sound to rehearsed and situational to be taken seriously. I am actually a little tired in terms of trying to explain that i AM sorry when I do self-centered things like get caught up into a conversation or bringing back up a topic they considered selfish or being impulsive. Sometimes I am very single minded and they say that the fact that some times I am and sometimes i can multi task like a champ are signs of selective behaviour rather than autistic tendencies. I am not crazy fixiated I hold eye contact I have a desire to socialize and what not. so i give

To take a page out of another book:
Ignorance, you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. All you can do is to keeping working on yourself, the parts YOU want to work on because it makes your life more fulfilling not the parts you think other people want you to work on. If your desire is to have better relations with your friends and roommates, reiterate to them that you honestly want to work on certain traits and leave any discussion about autism out of the conversation. You can ask them to stick with you on what you already started. Ask them to gently remind you when your behavior appears self-centered to them. If they are willing to work with you, you may start to see a pattern that you can change but awareness must be the first step. If you can identify a trigger, like stress or a time during the day when the pattern is most obvious, maybe you can take steps to avoid it.

I am sorry you are facing such a lack of understanding. One thing to consider is that many people take a long time to digest new ideas or new explanations for old "problems". Maybe given some time your roommates might be compelled to learn more about autism and in that process they may some day become more accepting and very possibly they will learn something about themselves.

I think this is the issue, down pat. We had quite a bit of progress. Days in a row where it was not so bad and there where no arguments or "WTF are you doing?" But last night was very hectic and I felt overloaded and bam, could not think. I got accused of just standing there and not doing what was needed. I was like I asked because I had no clue! I was told, why didn't you use common sense. I didn't know how to reply. I didn't think saying I went totally blank was a good idea. I just keep on trying to live.

I think there have been some good threads about "common sense" (what is that anyway?) over on the General Autism discussion board. You might want to do a search and see if anything said there would give you any better idea of how to explain things at times like that. Also, remember that at hectic times, other people are stressed out, easily frustrated, forgetful... too. I still find myself acting in a similar way with my kids sometimes when we are in a hurry to get out the door in the morning. I may snap at one of them about why he is standing in the middle of the hallway apparently just to be in the way. then I feel bad. My tactic to try to stop myself from doing this is to remind myself that being a little late is rarely ever a matter of life and death. I generally do my best to be on time out of respect for other people but I have to remember to cut myself and my kids some slack when things don't quite go as planned.

Hang in there!

I am working on it =) between school and my mom being here who I cant wait for her to leave and the rest of teh stuff with my friends I feel awful sometimes just waking up. But I am trying, gods know I am trying.

I know this book is for kids, but it has some exercises in it that might help you - I wouldn't buy it, but you might try checking it out from the library and using it to explain http://www.amazon.com/Autism-Acceptance ... 798&sr=1-4

In a parent meeting a couple of nights ago, some of the participants mentioned doing exercises, some of which were from this book, to help understand what it's like to have Autism. One, for example, was to have a conversation with someone without using any words containing the letter "s." While it isn't a one-to-one correspondence to what happens in an autistic brain, it does give an NT an idea of the amount of cognitive work ordinary conversation is for someone on the spectrum.

Thanks for the link, I will look into it if I can and have the time to go to the library, I do not drive, for it scares the living daylights out of me, too much going on, but I will see what I can do. I think the main problem is that my communication and so called self-centered actions (by this meaning that I seem unable to multi task when it is not something I can do routinely unless it involves something I am personally interested in) they think I am looking for excuses more so than trying to change what is wrong and my wrongdoings.

I totally should not be venting here, I am sorry. I am just so frustrated! No one listens, no one tries no one cares I feel like I have no voice that matters.

Mirror21
You are brave indeed. Not stupid. Depressed? Maybe. But, which one of us isn't when we live a lie. We live in an NT world. We are a different species of humans. We can never see the world the way that they do. The NT world makes no sense to us. I imagine your mother is like mine. She's an NT who is more concerned about what the neighbors think and about judging you than about having a real relationship with you. The bottom line is that we really are like an alien race. We can choose to mask ourselves and try to "fit in" to the NT world. The cost for this masquerade is part of your soul. That is where the depression comes from. Also, who wouldn't be depressed when the only source of love a person gets is from a "mom" who can't even accept them and love them for who they are!

As for seeming like you're in another world when you are with your friends. It's probably because we are. Whatever they are saying is boring and your mind wanders.

Should you really want to change that, go find yourself an interview coach. They will tell you how to change and lead you there.
Good luck

I think the worst part is that I feel like I got the bad end of the aspie tree. I got most of the social problems like not being able to understand the context of a comment, but I have always felt I lack in "specialness" it seems a lot of aspies are great at something, I feel I am not that good at anything.

I know the topic is old, but you where all very helpful people and wanted to let you know I paid attention! =)

On November I asked my mom to move out, and me and my roommates found a cheaper place to live. Been kind of stressful since December because of the move mostly and hardships at school. The local mental heath clinic got shut down due to how bad their patients did and how little it helped. I have a friend that is going to a great doctor and I have decided to try to see him, too. Its 125 dollars a visit, but this includes medicine and all that. So I want to give it a shot. I am willing to finally pursue a diagnosis and I think this will help me find autism resources in my area and to learn how to deal with this.

So I wanted to say thanks to all of you whom popped in here and where good to me and took time to talk to me. =)

I know that this topic is old, but you also did just bump it so I suppose I can relate to your situation. My mother has practically scoffed at the idea of me being on the spectrum. I literally sat down with her to tell her that a lot of these traits and a lot of what other people have experienced I have experienced, her response literally was, "you're not autistic," and then proceeded to mock me in front of my father. When it was my father whom opened up to me that it sounds like mild autism. I was diagnosed when I was a child, however, I had literally came to my dad one day because I just couldn't handle it any more. I explain the world as spinning. Sometimes malls and schools get to loud and overwhelming and the world feels like it's spinning and the sounds are getting louder and louder, I remember telling my dad about it and afterwards dad told me about autism he said he knows cause he experienced some of it himself. At a young age, we're talking preteen I began researching and realizing my life was very similiar to that of someone on the spectrum, everything I experienced. I literally had to force and pull my parents teeth to get me a diagnosis because after a while I couldn't do it any more. Mother laughed in my face the whole entire way through, even though by then we had the middle child whom has his own spectrum mod disorder issues going on, and the baby of the family whom is not mild on the spectrum at all [though that was a little later in my years with the baby] he's a little more classic autistic than I am. We finally got a diagnosis, but my dad thinks my diagnosis was a mistake. Not that he doesn't think I have AS, but he believes with a diagnosis I have limited myself to a label. My biological mother lives in denial of her own children. So I guess I relate to you here and probably revealed way more about my personal life. But I digress, the point was I understand what it's like to have an supportive mother. Sorry for the wall of text that has been produced.