I worry my 18 month old has aspergers

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League_Girl, I felt very much like you say you do when our oldest was tiny- hell, I thought until recently that I'd be *happier* if she turns out to have AS, as I'd know how to parent her more easily than an NT kid.

Now that she's 23-months old and we're having EI come in on Monday for an eval and meeting with her ped for a "special meeting" because we're fairly sure that she's autistic, it's a whole other ballgame. Like, she's not *just* cute and quirky- there's something very off, and it feels *bad.*

Coming to terms with your kid's possible ASD as an aspie, I'm sure, is different for everyone. I keep feeling things, then thinking, "you're being *so* neurotypical right now, don't feel that way, it's stupid," but no matter how aspie a mom is, she's still a human woman, and the feelings are so complex and difficult to manage.

It's very easy to say that xzy ASD-behavior is no big deal, but when you watch your child shrug her tiny little shoulders over and over during story-hour bc she's overstimulated, when she cannot answer any question bc of her echolalia, when she first called for "mama" at 18 months, when she had to be taught how to hug at 22 months- I mean, you really can't know how it feels as a parent to realize that your child has autism, aspie or not.

I feel like an as*hole of the finest degree for judging NT parents of ASD kids so harshly for their "stupid human emotions." ASD is not a lifekiller, it's not the end of the world, but it is A Big Deal, and it feels awful. Worry is natural, especially when one of your own personal autistic interests is, well, autism itself.

EI is Early Intervention, a federally mandated program to evaluate and provide services to babies and children from 0-3 who show developmental delays in certain areas.

You need to remember that ASD is a spectrum- for every kiddo who was "just a little quirky", there are kids, like mine, who don't have developmentally appropriate speech, adaptive skills, or social strengths. There is a huge difference between a kiddo who is socially awkward in school and a child who will not seek a parent's comfort when hurt or afraid. Speech is something that is paramount to get help for early- there is absolutely no benefit to waiting, and it can make the child's life as an adult far, far more difficult than with early help.

Have you read Attwood's Complete Guide to Asperger's? Even for "just" aspies, early work in speech and social areas improve the individual's quality of life tremendously, which is the point. I don't want my daughter to go through years and countless hours of therapy so she can pass for NT- I want her to be able to communicate and relate to people as young as possible for her own happiness.

Here's an analogy. Math can be learned as an adult. Should we still teach children math? Of course, because we *need* math in life, and to deprive a child of the building blocks of mathematics early is to create an adult who has deficits in more areas than just math. How socially comfortable would a person be if they're not able to add single digits? It's very similar with the building blocks of social development. A child who cannot communicate, a child who cannot connect to other people- yeah, maybe those skills can be learned later, but they will leave huge gaps in all other areas of development.

I have staff through the Adult Autism Waiver so yes, we are woring on these things. Still, I would prefer to have learned them as a 3-year-old. I know it's not too late, it's just that, well... some skills, it almost is too late. I'm not making progress in some ways, no matter how hard I try. I can't fight the regression, when it comes to certain skills.

Funny, I thought I posted in this thread, but it must have been a similar one.

I don't know that I necessarily agree with the "window of opportunity" theory of parenting and learning in general...but I do think there are a lot of differences in the way we teach adults and the way we teach children that make it important to help them early on. It's possible that it's more difficult to form new neural pathways with age - but it's much more likely that we have unreasonable expectations for adults or older children.

For instance, illiterate children are given picture books with big letters, engaging stories, rhymes and nonsense words that help them form language infrastructure, jokes, songs, they can read lying down on pillows, while they're cuddled, etc. We expect kids to take about 5-8 years to be fully literate. Illiterate adults are expected to sit in uncomfortable desks and watch a teacher at the front of the room, use a dictionary, read boring newspapers and books in print that's much more fine, etc., etc. We expect adults to take a few classes and be literate in under a year. No wonder it's such a struggle for adults to learn to read.

I think one of the serious advantages of early intervention is that it happens at a time when the expectation is that children should be focusing almost exclusively on social, emotional and communication development anyway. More intense work at this time means they can keep developing along with their peers, and don't have to learn it later when they are also expected to sit still in school with fluorescent lights overhead and keep their hands to themselves and follow 100 other implicit rules. It gives them building blocks, as was said earlier.

There is a mentality out there that there is no going back if you miss the opportunity for early intervention with a child on the spectrum, and I think this mentality causes parents and kids unnecessary stress. I think it's good, but if you don't have access or opportunity, do what you can with what you have.

Just remember that the social engagement is a bigger deal than wanting things "just so." Yes, stereotyped and compulsive behaviors can be a part of an ASD, the social engagement is the biggest deal.

Does he show you things? Return a social smile? Watch for your reaction in new situations? Show enjoyment, as in direct it towards others? Respond to his name? Point to things he likes with eye contact towards others? When he wants something, does he gesture toward it and vocalize or just go to it and tantrum, or lead you by the hand?

If these things are problematic, yes, get an evaluation. IF we intervene this early, the diagnosis of an ASD now may mean that by school age, he no longer qualifies. The brain is "plastic" at this age and intervention with explicit instruction can change the pathways. I have seen kiddos throwing up these red flags no longer meeting criteria less than one year later- if intervention is appropriate and intense.

By the age of 5, most of what you are learning is built upon what you already know, and it's too late to make those dramatic gains in most cases. There is NO HARM in getting the evaluation at this age. In fact, quite the opposite!

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Most of the reason young non verbal children have meltdowns, other than sensory issues, is due to the frustration of not being able to communicate. My daughter can speak but she still can not communicate that effectively although her frustration level is far lower than when she could not speak. Also this is another reason why you see Autistic children doing things before typical children do. They know that they cant say "I want a cookie" so they learn to pull the chair across the room, climb up and get a cookie.....this is just simple logic. Its funny because with a typical child you have to teach them to be more independent and a child with autism you have to teach to learn to ask for help or they can end up in dangerous situations, like leaving the house alone and getting run over or drowning because they do not know how to ask.

i dont think hand flapping is any big deal. i dont think lining up toys is any big deal. nor obsessive interests, or spinning, or stimming.

but all of these things ARE "red flags", and should be taken collectively as a big deal with what they imply: that the child may be autistic. the point to early diagnosis is to get the early services started. the services are NOT to get rid of the autism, but to help the autistic individual learn to function in the world. we parents SHOULD worry when our children are exhibiting behaviors that are atypical. not worry about the behaviors themselves, but worry over the effect that the cause of the behaviors is going to have on the rest of our childs life. that is OUR JOB, we worry.

not everyone who grows up without intervention ends up ok, either. and thats not just for those on the more severe end of the spectrum, but on both ends. you can look around this board and find adults who were never diagnosed or never received services, and they have had difficult lives in large part due to autism. my SO was not diagnosed until age 39 after our youngest was diagnosed. he learned a lot of coping mechanisms on his own over the years, like taking street drugs to deal with anxiety, starting fights as a teenager instead of talking to people, reacting to his building social anxiety with rage, and cultivating a badass persona to keep people away. if someone had thought his childhood autistic traits were a big deal and he had been diagnosed, maybe he would have had a happier first 39 years and wouldnt be such an angry man.