twinplets wrote:
I knew that the pure as snow comment would not sit right with some people here. I still think it is valid. In terms of intentions, I think kids with autism are usually pure. They aren't out to inflict pain or be rude. They are in a situation that is uncomfortable and they can't handle it in a socially acceptable manner, but they aren't cruel to be cruel. I know several kids somewhere on the spectrum from my own family, my son's school, and the places we have gone to therapy. They all act differently. They aren't cookie cutter. I have seen them at have meltdowns and tantrums. There was always a reason why. It may not have been apparent at the time, but afterward, it was usually just a case of pinpointing a trigger. The kids I have met are some of the sweetest, most wonderful kids I know. They may beat to their own drummer, but they are very loving and I wouldn't classify any as violent. I have them in my home. I have knives in a block out on my kitchen counter. I do not worry. I think it is very important to get the message out there that violence isn't a part of being autistic. If a child is violent. There is a reason beyond autism. Everytime I have heard a story of a very out of control kid or what someone would term "scary" kid, there is more to the story. Once the details emerge, it sounds like they either have mental health issues other than autism that needs to be addressed, they have a chaotic homelife that needs to be addressed, or they have been bounced around on different meds.
I am not saying this to inflame or judge anyone. I think it is an important debate that needs to be addressed. I have been there. I know my friends with kids on the spectrum have been there. I have ran across some of these people in the marriage counseling waiting room. It is hard on people. However, after all these years with autism slowly being recognized as something not so peculiar and frightening, I do not want to go backward and have people think my son is going to snap at some point because he is open about having Aspergers. I am so grateful for those that had to grow up on the spectrum without it being recognized when they were in school. Because they grew up and have spoke out and showed what they could do and become, I was able to have tons of information at my disposal. I had books to read and information on the Internet. My son is very open about this. He just gave a PowerPoint about what it is and isn't to his class. He came to me the other day and showed me a comic he started about having AS. I had no idea he was drawing that. This is a fork in the road moment. He can embrace having AS and hopefully make the road easier for kids younger than him or he can start to keep a lid on it so no one knows his big secret so they don't associate him with the propensity for violence.
Mental health care is lacking in this country. I absolutely agree that big changes need to happen in regards to that area. However, autism is a development disorder. It is not a mental health problem.
Autistic kids learn stuff - just like all kids. When my DS was younger he told the truth 100% of the time. However, he figured out that no one tells the truth all the time, so he shouldn't do that anymore. He got bullied and teased about it and then figured out the social rules - he now acts pretty NT (neurotypical teenager) in that regard.
Pure as the driven snow is probably true while they are little and in their bubble (but aren't nt kids too?). But really, once the kids learn social rules...some aren't so pretty.
Now, violent meltdowns.......maybe you should do a WP search on meltdowns (the whole site - not just parenting) and read some of the posts from our adult members. I think you sound really misinformed when you say something else must be going on.....
What I do think is differentiated is premeditation, I don't see that at all.
My son has violent meltdowns...but he doesn't plan them and I have not heard of any autistics who do.
From what I understand, the frontal lobe finishes developing at about 25, and at that point even our delayed kids can manage impulses better. Until then it varies but it is not uncommon to struggle with meltdowns, with some being violent.
My husband and I have decided that we want to provide as safe and secure environment as possible until our son's frontal lobe is fully developed.
FYI - my son did not have violent meltdowns until he was about 9. At 13, they have almost stopped. This is partly because we manage the environment and demands placed on him and partly due to maturation. There is nothing going on at home that causes violence and I am offended that you would post such judgmental crap here.
I believe that stereotypes and generalizations will hurt our population. If you convince people that all autistics are "pure", then they meet one who's not, you are no longer credible. Your point becomes lost. In addition, I think you open up to being bullied and seen as an easy target.
I get your point that you don't want your child judged because of some young persons horrific act..I think we are all there. I think the focus needs to be that we are all individuals who should be judged based on our behavior. People's cruelty to those who are different can in fact lead people to a breaking point, so before we judge someone for being quirky, lets look at ourselves to see if we are creating an inclusive society.
17 Dec 2012, 6:36 pm
