Griefing - videogame social harassment

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Hi Momsparky - Hope you've been well.

Here's my take on the situation -

In Minecraft, my son's stuff was getting ruined repeatedly. He now mostly builds alone. To the best of my knowledge, when you are playing with others, it's kind of about wrecking each others stuff. I may not understand it properly, but I do know that was too bothersome for my son, so he plays mostly alone.

With respect to other games, we have had some serious trouble and I don't know what the cyber term is but IRL, it's bullying for sure. He's been banned and threatened and all sorts of stuff.

That said, we really like the ability to play with strangers with no investment. If you don't like them, then switch who you're playing with. We can't do that if we have to know them. Knowing people IRL made for some tricky situations because they follow you out of the game room.

Based on my experience and stories from others, I strongly suggest you learn how to use xbox and any other online forum your child is on. I also suggest you insist one of the rules for being on these games/sites is that you have the passwords. You should go online and check all the messages and posts a minimum of once a week, but more often would be better. It is possible your child is a griefer, maybe not. You might be able to find out if you look around online and listen to them playing online. Online harrassment happens all the time and it can be brutal. The gamer kids can be very brutal as well, especially when one kid knows another in real life and doesn't like them.

**TO ALL PARENTS**

Just generally speaking, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE monitor your child's online activities!! ! It is not safe! When I was a kid the bullies and sex offenders only had access to us when we were out and about. Now, you can be sitting right in the next room and your child could be getting bullied or groomed, right under your nose for dozens of hours a week. PLEASE BE INVOLVED. PLEASE MONITOR. PLEASE HAVE ALL PASSWORDS AND READ ALL MESSAGES.
Take the time to learn how to use all the technologies and websites - Xbox, youtube, twitter, facebook, computer apps, cell phones, cell phone apps (e.g. words with friends) and any other thing where people online have access to your child.

Yup - as I wrote a while back, this applies to phone text messages, too. Don't rely on reading them off the phone - get the messages (or at least the phone numbers that were texted to or from) from your carrier. I explained to DS that online texts, emails and messages are not private and I will read them for that reason (Hotmail will allow you to set up an account for an underage child that copies you on all of their incoming and outgoing messages.)

Thanks for all your feedback. We do monitor DS's use (it helps that most Xbox messages are verbal, so we hear them - I found out about this mess because DS was just about to flame the kid he thought was responsble in a message) and have all the passwords, etc. The only area where this is an issue is Minecraft, and DS has decided he can't handle multiplayer unless the other kids are physically with him. We did have some kids over and there was a scuffle about blowing stuff up - but IRL it was much easier for him to work it out than having kids secretly swoop in, ruin his stuff, and take off before he processed what happened.

We have also made a rule that he can't "friend" anybody he doesn't know IRL, and even then we monitor who (it is amazing to me how he can't remember kids' names at all at school, but he can get their gamertag after being told it once.)

I haven't read the rest yet, but I do believe it is part of the game. For this reason, my kids usually find "worlds" or whatever they are called, where griefing is not allowed and any person found guilty of griefing is banned from the server (not sure I am using the right terminology). They have also learned how to set up their own servers (again, might not be the right terminology) and they only let players in who they "know."

I would not say it is cyberbullying at all.

FWIW, my son (11 y/o) is thoroughly versed on bullying and cyberbullying--and very sensitive to it--and he just confirmed that griefing is neither, though he disagrees with it as a valid way of playing minecraft, though he recognizes others disagree with his disagreement

Now I'll go back and read the thread and realize that this doesn't even fit in with the conversation! LOL!

Ive had my stepdad grief me and stalk me online luckily the rest of the server hates his guts as well as i and have had him banned a few times.

Your mom lets him do that?

I am sorry you have to deal with that! Sounds extremely irritating!!