Just when things are going well...teachers do something odd

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Many education lawyers in our area (although not the best ones) work on contingency. I'm not sure if this is a California or federal thing, but their fees are paid by the school district if they win at due process. So they are very careful to only take cases they believe they will win. We consulted a lawyer regarding our son's situation, and met with him 2 or 3 times for an hour or more. All we had to pay for was two hours time for the records review.

Our school could definitely do with someone like him. He sounds like the head at my primary school, who didn't tolerate bullying or kids been alienated. I'm actually quite concerned that the school might be taking the stance of bully-proofing the victims, instead of dealing with the bullies. Their anti-bullying policy doesn't say this, as it's a controversial idea, but their actions say otherwise. The main problem is that they don't have a clue about how to start bully-proofing the victims. I wonder what they'd do to bully-proof those with ASDs. If they have the answer to that one, I'm sure we'd all want to know.

During my tangent last week, I mentioned that a couple of weeks ago, a boy was telling others that another boy said my daughter was wearing a nappy (diaper). She doesn't and was quite upset about the other kids laughing at her. The trouble maker was trying to get the other boy into trouble too, as well as humiliating my daughter. When I mentioned this to the DH, she said, 'Other kids wouldn't be bothered by that'. I don't know if that's true, but it was almost as if she was saying, 'Your daughter needs to learn to deal with things like that and we're not going to be trying correct the behaviour of the others'. The issue is that this is just a tiny incident among many. The boy tells lies all the time (he lives very near and I've heard many lies). He was even going around telling people that my husband tried to kill him with a knife (another very trustworthy child told me this, not my daughter). This affects my daughter too. But, the school have washed their hands of it and are basically saying that we're talking rubbish. This is despite the fact that the boy sexually assaulted a much younger child. As always, he knew he was doing wrong and took the child to a place out of sight, but he was then caught in the act, by the child's mother. He was young too, so it hasn't been treated seriously and it was outwith school, so they don't want to know. You'd think (as any sensible person would) that they'd be wanting to keep a record of all complaints about him, to form some sort of picture, but each incident is treated as an isolated case and met with the same response. Having a child with Aspergers is worrying, but honestly I'd rather have that than what his parents are likely to be facing in the future, if this isn't dealt with appropriately.

Anyway, this is another tangent.

I don't think I'm allowed to calm down. Yesterday, when I collected my daughter from school, she said that she hadn't gotten PE. But, she was the only one, the class had PE without her. She told me that she hadn't finished a written task and the teachers told her that she had to complete that instead. So, they all went outside and she sat at a bench, while the others learned how to play playground games that Glasgow kids played in the past. So, as well as being excluded from PE, she missed part of her academic learning (her current class topic is Glasgow and PE yesterday had been adapted to relate to it) and it seems like it was fun as well. Today, we went into the playground and I noticed the hopscotch chalk markings on the ground. All the kids were standing in the line, but my daughter went off and found an old juice carton, to use as a peever. I was almost crying, as I watched her playing hopscotch, by herself.

I'm angry for so many different reasons: PE is part of the curriculum and just as important as any other lesson; my daughter has severe concentration difficulties and should be encouraged and enabled, but not punished for it; I have not been told by a teachers that this happened, so I might never have known and never had the chance to try to help prevent it happening in future; I would have been happy for her to bring work home for completion; she needs to burn off energy, probably more than most, so it affects her later in the day. I don't think they'd agree that what they did was punishment (it was just their way of ensuring the written work was finished) but it clearly had a very negative effect on my daughter. It's as though they see the concentration problem as a behaviour issue, when it's actually an ability issue. The kids who are less academically able don't have the same expectations put on them. They get to do PE, no matter what they've been able to write. In any case, she said that she still never completed the work, probably because she was so distracted by the others playing and her wanting to join in.

I asked my daughter if this happens to any other kids. The only kids she mentioned were a boy who also has Aspergers and is slow to complete work due to dyspraxia, another boy who is being assessed for autism and a girl, who has a medical condition, which is affecting her learning.

I'm too upset just now to approach the school about it.

Mum, I'm so sorry. I hope things improve for you soon.

I know things are temporary at this school, but could you have your psychologist call them to address this issue? Maybe it won't take a meeting, but if a professional says that she can't be kept out of classes because she takes longer to complete the work, they may back off.

We were trying to explain similar issues to the school about DS, and they just plain didn't listen until our social worker came with us - all she did was restate what we said, but that was what it took. Frustrating that people don't believe parents, though.

I don't know if you have the equivalent of an educational diagnostician or someone who acts as a liaison regarding diagnostic issues and the school/district, but given that the principal is not very helpful maybe there is someone you can leapfrog to to educate the staff. I have problems like this a lot because for some reason it is hard for them to understand that physical activity is important and I really do think that for kids with regulation issues and/or behavioral issues (I know your child does not have this) it is especially important. I think it helps in regulating the nervous system.