how do you make them understand?

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My boy is a lot like MiahClone's in many ways.


I find that teaching the child to tell you what they like and don't like helps. I have ALSO trained my son to make sure that he says "No thank you" and to be politely tell me when he doesn't prefer something. Now of course, he's coarse and rude about a great many things, but he EXCELS at being nice about what he likes and dislikes. For example, the other night he did not want the briscuit, but he wanted the macaroni and cheese, so that's what he had.

Yes, my boy is highly picky. Of plants, he likes apples, oranges, grapes and green beans-that's it.

My boy hates showers but he loves baths. We get him bathed about every other day. The only time that we use the shower is if he gets really bad. We DO use the shower about once a week.

I agree about the developmental bits. He "conceptually" knows how to wash himself, but the desire is not there yet. He enjoys the water of the bath. He plays with boats and such. I'd say that his executive function is about like a 5 year old, so that means that he's about three years behind. He's chronologically 8.

I think that for mine, its about time to get him his own bath sponges so that he can wash himself. He can "sort of" wash his own hair but that involves putting his head into the water and I don't really think that that's washing your hair if you KWIM.

He's good about washing his hands and I also taught him to take wipes and wipe his face after he's eaten. He doesn't use napkins well,which drives me nuts.

I think that the use of small hygenic steps is what it takes, like training with the napkin (like I need to do!) and then washing the face after dinner.


He does put the dishes up when prompted. He was good last night and when prompted, put some dirty laundry up.

He has to be gently prompted on school mornings. He CAN dress himself. I agree with one person saying something about letting the child lie down for a few minutes after dressing. Mine does that.

My child HATES school. He has ADHD and PDD NOS. He has begun to GET a MORAL COMPASS so it gets him really depressed when he sees other kids fight. Here he is taught at home that he isn't to be violent, but the kids around are just fighting everywhere in the urban school.

We are super low income and I'm so desperate that I have looked at iacademy. Right 1,000 down and 5,000 per year. Sure.

We have thought about moving to a better city a few miles away.

He's got the "Other Health Impaired" ruling. We've thought about SSI, but my son loves the Marines and he might want to be one, so I'm holding out. OF course, if we keep going down the tubes, we might just have to put him on that.

It's late and I should get to bed, but I just want to say, hang on. My boy was brutal at age 7--I was ready to sell him to the zoo! He will be 12 this month and things have improved, quite a bit. (((Hugs)))

I agree with the 'one problem at a time' concept.

Last week, I was trying to get my son to 'help out' more, like setting the table or helping in the kitchen. Unsure how to handle it, I read some articles on 'how to make your kids do chores'. Sensing that something was about to change, hearing me talk about chores, he leaned in, slightly worried . So he read the articles with me, and his resistance just vanished. It must have been the fact that it was clear that I didn't make this all up, that it was written, by someone else, on the internet, that made him understand this was a universal thing.

The articles also said that an initial reward system was a good idea. Initial, not permanent. He got excited about the rewards, but more amazingly, instantly understood and accepted it was a temporary thing. We're still on the sticker chart, so I'll have to see what happens afterwards, but so far, it's going great.

I let him choose between a couple of chores. On an average day, he needs to do two of them. He can choose between setting the table, clearing it, helping out with the dishes, or helping out making dinner. The choice makes the whole thing easier to digest, but that might not work for everyone.
Also, I made the sticker chart as funny as I could. It says 'Joe's incredibly annoying chores' and has a picture of Darth Vader doing dishes, with the caption 'even Darth Vader needs to do the dishes once in a while'.
He thought it was hilarious. Humour always does wonders with my kid. Not saying it works for everyone, though.

THanks! I do explain the whys and the bigger pics over and over. What happens if you dont brush your teeth, what happens if you dont eat, what happens if you refuse to do your school work, etc..I dont expect him to do any of this stuff on his own, as he is 7. I just expect a shread of compromise. I also talk about what happens if I dont ever clean up, or do laundry, or cook or feed tha animals, etc...

I actually have a few diffferent therapists who tell me to STOP explaining. That he needs to comply for the sake of complying...but I feel for my sons logical brain it might be better to try and help him make some connections, and then he will be more willing.

My bigger question, is will he ever understand that all this is for hs own good. Its not for MY own good. It woudl actually be EASIER for me to do it all for him. He would complain less, and it would get done a heck of a lot faster and be easier on me. I could dress him in 2 seconds, brush his teeth, feed him, clean up after him. He would have no complaints. IN fact thats how he wants it. BUT if I do all that for him, my son is the type that if you do it ONCE he willl hold onto that one time forever and obsess over it. SO, I do HELP him, but at his age I will not do it FOR him. Unless he is sick, then I can ecplain it was beacue you were sick.

And if I did all that for him, what would I be teaching him? That he has nothing to do in life but exist. If that were the case fine, but he has a LOT of potential to live an indapendant life, to have a job, family of his own, etc...but if he has zero responsibilities his entire childhood, I feel that would be harder on him as he got older to be a responsible adult.

I will never stop having expectations of him or any of my kids. I dont have unrealistic ones, and I KNOW he isnt NT, but that isnt an excuse to waste away in life. He is also VERY smart, physically able and he is also able to hold himself together and do whats expected in other areas, like his programs and groups, etc...so a little carry over into home life would be apreciated.

Again, I am not looking for a 7yo robot, or for him to be completely indapendant and never need help. I am just looking to see any shread of compromise or acceptance of responsibility, ANY responsibility. I would call that a success. And I hope that one day he understands why his parents have some requests on him. Not to be mean, but to try and prepare him for the future, as most parents do for their kids, NT, physically disabled, ASD, whatever the issue be. Most parents want the ultimate goal of the child to grow up to be a happy, healthy adult who has some level of indapendance, to the level that child can accheive.