22 Feb 2014, 1:06 am
jag96 wrote:
I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond to my post. We sent a letter to the school superintendent and now have a meeting with him scheduled for next week, so we'll see how that goes. We are also having three different people (a disability advocate, the head of the Center for Autism at the local university where DS was diagnosed, and DS's behavioral therapist) review his file and IEP to see what they recommend.
I completely understand that there are parents who are overprotective to a fault, but I don't think we are among them. It's one thing to teach a child that he may have an occasional conflict with someone and needs to learn how to cope, and quite another to expect him to endure repeated and systematic abuse from peers and/or authority figures. Not to mention the simple fact that people need to be held accountable for their actions. The actions of the bullies are not OK, and they shouldn't be allowed to get away with this behavior as if my son doesn't matter. Honestly, if at 10 years old they are physically injuring and sexually harassing special-needs kids, what will they be doing at age 17 or 18? Hopefully our family will have moved out of the area by then and won't have to find out!
I completely understand that there are parents who are overprotective to a fault, but I don't think we are among them. It's one thing to teach a child that he may have an occasional conflict with someone and needs to learn how to cope, and quite another to expect him to endure repeated and systematic abuse from peers and/or authority figures. Not to mention the simple fact that people need to be held accountable for their actions. The actions of the bullies are not OK, and they shouldn't be allowed to get away with this behavior as if my son doesn't matter. Honestly, if at 10 years old they are physically injuring and sexually harassing special-needs kids, what will they be doing at age 17 or 18? Hopefully our family will have moved out of the area by then and won't have to find out!
It won't work since you've misunderstood the situation. It's judt that when people get offended, they retaliate. Your son probably misunderstood something and it came to this. I can't help everyone with this knowledge yet but I'll do my best. I used to be bullied. And the bullies told the teachers that I was bullying them. I thought they were lying but years after, I discovered they were not. They instead saw me as the alpha male all along. And still do. And here I thought natural leader selection sucked. They were always doing SO MUCH for me but I didn't even notice. They were also willing to let me punch an older student and hold him down if he retaliated. I didn't and it was kind of cruel but they were just trying to impress me. Now I'm the kind of guy random males add on facebook and recognize in real life. Females are also somewhat attracted but that's instinctive. May not even be because I'm an alpha. It may be that I'm something else as well. So anyway, I did often beat up my classmates when I misunderstood their jokes but they kept going so it didn't help. I started misunderstanding after I was diagnosed with aspergers and started taking concerta and what not. Humans are as they're supposed to, pills are not the solution. So I suggest your child talk about it to their bullies, explain and apologize. And you'll see that I'm right. If not, tell me. I'm open-minded like that. Although I've really seen a lot of this. Note that not everyone is an alpha. I've only met two other alpha females. And one otjer alpha male. We're as old as time in all cases.
22 Feb 2014, 5:39 am
Erwin wrote:
jag96 wrote:
I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond to my post. We sent a letter to the school superintendent and now have a meeting with him scheduled for next week, so we'll see how that goes. We are also having three different people (a disability advocate, the head of the Center for Autism at the local university where DS was diagnosed, and DS's behavioral therapist) review his file and IEP to see what they recommend.
I completely understand that there are parents who are overprotective to a fault, but I don't think we are among them. It's one thing to teach a child that he may have an occasional conflict with someone and needs to learn how to cope, and quite another to expect him to endure repeated and systematic abuse from peers and/or authority figures. Not to mention the simple fact that people need to be held accountable for their actions. The actions of the bullies are not OK, and they shouldn't be allowed to get away with this behavior as if my son doesn't matter. Honestly, if at 10 years old they are physically injuring and sexually harassing special-needs kids, what will they be doing at age 17 or 18? Hopefully our family will have moved out of the area by then and won't have to find out!
I completely understand that there are parents who are overprotective to a fault, but I don't think we are among them. It's one thing to teach a child that he may have an occasional conflict with someone and needs to learn how to cope, and quite another to expect him to endure repeated and systematic abuse from peers and/or authority figures. Not to mention the simple fact that people need to be held accountable for their actions. The actions of the bullies are not OK, and they shouldn't be allowed to get away with this behavior as if my son doesn't matter. Honestly, if at 10 years old they are physically injuring and sexually harassing special-needs kids, what will they be doing at age 17 or 18? Hopefully our family will have moved out of the area by then and won't have to find out!
It won't work since you've misunderstood the situation. It's judt that when people get offended, they retaliate. Your son probably misunderstood something and it came to this. I can't help everyone with this knowledge yet but I'll do my best. I used to be bullied. And the bullies told the teachers that I was bullying them. I thought they were lying but years after, I discovered they were not. They instead saw me as the alpha male all along. And still do. And here I thought natural leader selection sucked. They were always doing SO MUCH for me but I didn't even notice. They were also willing to let me punch an older student and hold him down if he retaliated. I didn't and it was kind of cruel but they were just trying to impress me. Now I'm the kind of guy random males add on facebook and recognize in real life. Females are also somewhat attracted but that's instinctive. May not even be because I'm an alpha. It may be that I'm something else as well. So anyway, I did often beat up my classmates when I misunderstood their jokes but they kept going so it didn't help. I started misunderstanding after I was diagnosed with aspergers and started taking concerta and what not. Humans are as they're supposed to, pills are not the solution. So I suggest your child talk about it to their bullies, explain and apologize. And you'll see that I'm right. If not, tell me. I'm open-minded like that. Although I've really seen a lot of this. Note that not everyone is an alpha. I've only met two other alpha females. And one otjer alpha male. We're as old as time in all cases.
There is nothing in what jag96 wrote to suggest that your experience is in any way like that described in the OP.
To ask a child to apologize to bullies on the basis of your account is irrational and would be abusive except in the unlikely circumstance that the child's experience exactly matches your history and the clear evidence of abuse the parent has seen is somehow misleading.
Your suggestion seems really terrible, given the information we have.
23 Feb 2014, 3:14 pm
23 Feb 2014, 5:18 pm
24 Feb 2014, 11:36 am
24 Feb 2014, 12:17 pm
24 Feb 2014, 12:50 pm
24 Feb 2014, 12:55 pm
momsparky wrote:
Just seeing your post - sent a PM, so sorry this is happening to you. Our current school is much better than our past one, and they actually offered this collection of resources WITH OUR IEP! Get on the phone and start calling them - if you can't afford one, ask them to refer you to someone who is free or who you CAN afford.
We had a problem with bullying in my son's elementary school (not to the degree that you're experiencing) and they gave us a lot of the same excuses. We started an email chain for every incident, and copied the teacher, social worker, principal, and went up the chain through the District. Make sure you send a copy of the photo. Explain that your child has a social disability and needs support in understanding how to handle altercations, so if he retaliates, it is ALSO the school's responsibility to help him learn.
Plus, sounds to me like you've got a kid on a 504 who really needs an IEP: he needs to learn social cues and social skills, and that falls under special education - he needs a plan with goals (grades) so you can track his learning just like any other subject. Don't let the school tell you any different: a 504 is appropriate if your child's needs are static and should be accommodated for life, or until they spontaneously resolve - it's not appropriate if your child needs to learn something.
Feel free to reach out to me via PM, I may have other resources I can connect you with.
Illinois Life Span 1-800-588-7002 www.illinoislifespan.org (scroll down to the bottom of the page, look for "Advocacy Services" and click "search for Advocacy Service provider" select "Special Education Information/Advocacy from the list and select your county (most of us in the Chicago area and near suburbs are in Cook County)
Illinois Network of Independent Living Center 217/525-1308 www.incil.org/locations.asp Select your county from the drop-down menu - your local center may have a youth advocate that can attend an IEP meeting.
Equip for Equality www.equipforequality.org in the Chicago area call 312-341-0002 (they offer free legal advice regarding disability law)
James B Moran Center http://moran-center.org. phone: (847) 492-1410 (also offers legal support and advice)
Parent Education Partnership www.pepartnerhsip.org/staff/mentors.html 8-877-317-2733
The Attorney General has guidelines for choosing an advocate here: www.isbe.net/spec-ed/pdfs/lay_advocate_guideline.pdf
For those of you following this thread - your state board of education may well have advocacy resources. Google "Special Education Advocacy" and plug in the name of your state. I'm guessing you could do this outside of the US as well; look for advocates in whatever form of government you have that's larger than your town or city but smaller than your country (depending, of course, on the size of your country.)
We had a problem with bullying in my son's elementary school (not to the degree that you're experiencing) and they gave us a lot of the same excuses. We started an email chain for every incident, and copied the teacher, social worker, principal, and went up the chain through the District. Make sure you send a copy of the photo. Explain that your child has a social disability and needs support in understanding how to handle altercations, so if he retaliates, it is ALSO the school's responsibility to help him learn.
Plus, sounds to me like you've got a kid on a 504 who really needs an IEP: he needs to learn social cues and social skills, and that falls under special education - he needs a plan with goals (grades) so you can track his learning just like any other subject. Don't let the school tell you any different: a 504 is appropriate if your child's needs are static and should be accommodated for life, or until they spontaneously resolve - it's not appropriate if your child needs to learn something.
Feel free to reach out to me via PM, I may have other resources I can connect you with.
Illinois Life Span 1-800-588-7002 www.illinoislifespan.org (scroll down to the bottom of the page, look for "Advocacy Services" and click "search for Advocacy Service provider" select "Special Education Information/Advocacy from the list and select your county (most of us in the Chicago area and near suburbs are in Cook County)
Illinois Network of Independent Living Center 217/525-1308 www.incil.org/locations.asp Select your county from the drop-down menu - your local center may have a youth advocate that can attend an IEP meeting.
Equip for Equality www.equipforequality.org in the Chicago area call 312-341-0002 (they offer free legal advice regarding disability law)
James B Moran Center http://moran-center.org. phone: (847) 492-1410 (also offers legal support and advice)
Parent Education Partnership www.pepartnerhsip.org/staff/mentors.html 8-877-317-2733
The Attorney General has guidelines for choosing an advocate here: www.isbe.net/spec-ed/pdfs/lay_advocate_guideline.pdf
For those of you following this thread - your state board of education may well have advocacy resources. Google "Special Education Advocacy" and plug in the name of your state. I'm guessing you could do this outside of the US as well; look for advocates in whatever form of government you have that's larger than your town or city but smaller than your country (depending, of course, on the size of your country.)
Thanks so much for the links, momsparky! I'll definitely check these out!
24 Feb 2014, 2:14 pm
24 Feb 2014, 2:51 pm
24 Feb 2014, 10:47 pm
Adamantium wrote:
Erwin wrote:
jag96 wrote:
I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond to my post. We sent a letter to the school superintendent and now have a meeting with him scheduled for next week, so we'll see how that goes. We are also having three different people (a disability advocate, the head of the Center for Autism at the local university where DS was diagnosed, and DS's behavioral therapist) review his file and IEP to see what they recommend.
I completely understand that there are parents who are overprotective to a fault, but I don't think we are among them. It's one thing to teach a child that he may have an occasional conflict with someone and needs to learn how to cope, and quite another to expect him to endure repeated and systematic abuse from peers and/or authority figures. Not to mention the simple fact that people need to be held accountable for their actions. The actions of the bullies are not OK, and they shouldn't be allowed to get away with this behavior as if my son doesn't matter. Honestly, if at 10 years old they are physically injuring and sexually harassing special-needs kids, what will they be doing at age 17 or 18? Hopefully our family will have moved out of the area by then and won't have to find out!
I completely understand that there are parents who are overprotective to a fault, but I don't think we are among them. It's one thing to teach a child that he may have an occasional conflict with someone and needs to learn how to cope, and quite another to expect him to endure repeated and systematic abuse from peers and/or authority figures. Not to mention the simple fact that people need to be held accountable for their actions. The actions of the bullies are not OK, and they shouldn't be allowed to get away with this behavior as if my son doesn't matter. Honestly, if at 10 years old they are physically injuring and sexually harassing special-needs kids, what will they be doing at age 17 or 18? Hopefully our family will have moved out of the area by then and won't have to find out!
It won't work since you've misunderstood the situation. It's judt that when people get offended, they retaliate. Your son probably misunderstood something and it came to this. I can't help everyone with this knowledge yet but I'll do my best. I used to be bullied. And the bullies told the teachers that I was bullying them. I thought they were lying but years after, I discovered they were not. They instead saw me as the alpha male all along. And still do. And here I thought natural leader selection sucked. They were always doing SO MUCH for me but I didn't even notice. They were also willing to let me punch an older student and hold him down if he retaliated. I didn't and it was kind of cruel but they were just trying to impress me. Now I'm the kind of guy random males add on facebook and recognize in real life. Females are also somewhat attracted but that's instinctive. May not even be because I'm an alpha. It may be that I'm something else as well. So anyway, I did often beat up my classmates when I misunderstood their jokes but they kept going so it didn't help. I started misunderstanding after I was diagnosed with aspergers and started taking concerta and what not. Humans are as they're supposed to, pills are not the solution. So I suggest your child talk about it to their bullies, explain and apologize. And you'll see that I'm right. If not, tell me. I'm open-minded like that. Although I've really seen a lot of this. Note that not everyone is an alpha. I've only met two other alpha females. And one otjer alpha male. We're as old as time in all cases.
There is nothing in what jag96 wrote to suggest that your experience is in any way like that described in the OP.
To ask a child to apologize to bullies on the basis of your account is irrational and would be abusive except in the unlikely circumstance that the child's experience exactly matches your history and the clear evidence of abuse the parent has seen is somehow misleading.
Your suggestion seems really terrible, given the information we have.
Give it a chance. It won't hurt using this logic. The son will know if he's an alpha or not. You can kind of feel truth. Whichever feels more right.
25 Feb 2014, 5:01 am
Erwin wrote:
Adamantium wrote:
Erwin wrote:
jag96 wrote:
I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond to my post. We sent a letter to the school superintendent and now have a meeting with him scheduled for next week, so we'll see how that goes. We are also having three different people (a disability advocate, the head of the Center for Autism at the local university where DS was diagnosed, and DS's behavioral therapist) review his file and IEP to see what they recommend.
I completely understand that there are parents who are overprotective to a fault, but I don't think we are among them. It's one thing to teach a child that he may have an occasional conflict with someone and needs to learn how to cope, and quite another to expect him to endure repeated and systematic abuse from peers and/or authority figures. Not to mention the simple fact that people need to be held accountable for their actions. The actions of the bullies are not OK, and they shouldn't be allowed to get away with this behavior as if my son doesn't matter. Honestly, if at 10 years old they are physically injuring and sexually harassing special-needs kids, what will they be doing at age 17 or 18? Hopefully our family will have moved out of the area by then and won't have to find out!
I completely understand that there are parents who are overprotective to a fault, but I don't think we are among them. It's one thing to teach a child that he may have an occasional conflict with someone and needs to learn how to cope, and quite another to expect him to endure repeated and systematic abuse from peers and/or authority figures. Not to mention the simple fact that people need to be held accountable for their actions. The actions of the bullies are not OK, and they shouldn't be allowed to get away with this behavior as if my son doesn't matter. Honestly, if at 10 years old they are physically injuring and sexually harassing special-needs kids, what will they be doing at age 17 or 18? Hopefully our family will have moved out of the area by then and won't have to find out!
It won't work since you've misunderstood the situation. It's judt that when people get offended, they retaliate. Your son probably misunderstood something and it came to this. I can't help everyone with this knowledge yet but I'll do my best. I used to be bullied. And the bullies told the teachers that I was bullying them. I thought they were lying but years after, I discovered they were not. They instead saw me as the alpha male all along. And still do. And here I thought natural leader selection sucked. They were always doing SO MUCH for me but I didn't even notice. They were also willing to let me punch an older student and hold him down if he retaliated. I didn't and it was kind of cruel but they were just trying to impress me. Now I'm the kind of guy random males add on facebook and recognize in real life. Females are also somewhat attracted but that's instinctive. May not even be because I'm an alpha. It may be that I'm something else as well. So anyway, I did often beat up my classmates when I misunderstood their jokes but they kept going so it didn't help. I started misunderstanding after I was diagnosed with aspergers and started taking concerta and what not. Humans are as they're supposed to, pills are not the solution. So I suggest your child talk about it to their bullies, explain and apologize. And you'll see that I'm right. If not, tell me. I'm open-minded like that. Although I've really seen a lot of this. Note that not everyone is an alpha. I've only met two other alpha females. And one otjer alpha male. We're as old as time in all cases.
There is nothing in what jag96 wrote to suggest that your experience is in any way like that described in the OP.
To ask a child to apologize to bullies on the basis of your account is irrational and would be abusive except in the unlikely circumstance that the child's experience exactly matches your history and the clear evidence of abuse the parent has seen is somehow misleading.
Your suggestion seems really terrible, given the information we have.
Give it a chance. It won't hurt using this logic. The son will know if he's an alpha or not. You can kind of feel truth. Whichever feels more right.
It will make him think his parents are crazy and unempathetic if they tell him to apologize to his tormenters. This would do a lot of harm, and is a terrible idea. He needs to trust that his parents have his back. Your idea is statistically unlikely based on all the data we have. It is not worth eroding parental trust to try it.
06 Apr 2014, 12:25 am
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
Erwin wrote:
Adamantium wrote:
Erwin wrote:
jag96 wrote:
I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond to my post. We sent a letter to the school superintendent and now have a meeting with him scheduled for next week, so we'll see how that goes. We are also having three different people (a disability advocate, the head of the Center for Autism at the local university where DS was diagnosed, and DS's behavioral therapist) review his file and IEP to see what they recommend.
I completely understand that there are parents who are overprotective to a fault, but I don't think we are among them. It's one thing to teach a child that he may have an occasional conflict with someone and needs to learn how to cope, and quite another to expect him to endure repeated and systematic abuse from peers and/or authority figures. Not to mention the simple fact that people need to be held accountable for their actions. The actions of the bullies are not OK, and they shouldn't be allowed to get away with this behavior as if my son doesn't matter. Honestly, if at 10 years old they are physically injuring and sexually harassing special-needs kids, what will they be doing at age 17 or 18? Hopefully our family will have moved out of the area by then and won't have to find out!
I completely understand that there are parents who are overprotective to a fault, but I don't think we are among them. It's one thing to teach a child that he may have an occasional conflict with someone and needs to learn how to cope, and quite another to expect him to endure repeated and systematic abuse from peers and/or authority figures. Not to mention the simple fact that people need to be held accountable for their actions. The actions of the bullies are not OK, and they shouldn't be allowed to get away with this behavior as if my son doesn't matter. Honestly, if at 10 years old they are physically injuring and sexually harassing special-needs kids, what will they be doing at age 17 or 18? Hopefully our family will have moved out of the area by then and won't have to find out!
It won't work since you've misunderstood the situation. It's judt that when people get offended, they retaliate. Your son probably misunderstood something and it came to this. I can't help everyone with this knowledge yet but I'll do my best. I used to be bullied. And the bullies told the teachers that I was bullying them. I thought they were lying but years after, I discovered they were not. They instead saw me as the alpha male all along. And still do. And here I thought natural leader selection sucked. They were always doing SO MUCH for me but I didn't even notice. They were also willing to let me punch an older student and hold him down if he retaliated. I didn't and it was kind of cruel but they were just trying to impress me. Now I'm the kind of guy random males add on facebook and recognize in real life. Females are also somewhat attracted but that's instinctive. May not even be because I'm an alpha. It may be that I'm something else as well. So anyway, I did often beat up my classmates when I misunderstood their jokes but they kept going so it didn't help. I started misunderstanding after I was diagnosed with aspergers and started taking concerta and what not. Humans are as they're supposed to, pills are not the solution. So I suggest your child talk about it to their bullies, explain and apologize. And you'll see that I'm right. If not, tell me. I'm open-minded like that. Although I've really seen a lot of this. Note that not everyone is an alpha. I've only met two other alpha females. And one otjer alpha male. We're as old as time in all cases.
There is nothing in what jag96 wrote to suggest that your experience is in any way like that described in the OP.
To ask a child to apologize to bullies on the basis of your account is irrational and would be abusive except in the unlikely circumstance that the child's experience exactly matches your history and the clear evidence of abuse the parent has seen is somehow misleading.
Your suggestion seems really terrible, given the information we have.
Give it a chance. It won't hurt using this logic. The son will know if he's an alpha or not. You can kind of feel truth. Whichever feels more right.
It will make him think his parents are crazy and unempathetic if they tell him to apologize to his tormenters. This would do a lot of harm, and is a terrible idea. He needs to trust that his parents have his back. Your idea is statistically unlikely based on all the data we have. It is not worth eroding parental trust to try it.
They will of course TELL HIM why he should do it and treat it only as a suggestion. Even if he's not an alpha, this is hoe bullying works.
06 Apr 2014, 12:56 am
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
07 Apr 2014, 12:04 pm
Adamantium wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
Ruin your own kids then, if you ever have any. I don't give a sh**.
And by the way, during old school sh**, you shoot to WOUND, not kill. But oh yeah, you must have some expertise with firearms for that. Not have some little plastic gun take out of your hand and told "BRandon, Brandon, we don't ever, EVER use these! They are bad things!" Jesus f***ing Christ!
And by the way, during old school sh**, you shoot to WOUND, not kill. But oh yeah, you must have some expertise with firearms for that. Not have some little plastic gun take out of your hand and told "BRandon, Brandon, we don't ever, EVER use these! They are bad things!" Jesus f***ing Christ!
Your responses and general style seem a bit over the top, to me. Hyperbolic. "So far F***ing overboard you can't them with a life preserver" to paraphrase a colorful response in another thread.
It almost seems like you might be going through some kind of manic episode or have started a new medication--though I can equally well believe this ranting style is just how you habitually express yourself.
A couple of points, though:
1. Not every parent who does something to protect their kids in a specific situation is either a) overprotective or b) your mom.
2. Guns really have nothing to do with this conversation. Really nothing at all.
Quit your armchair psychiatry. I'm not manic and I'm not on any medication. I just say whats on my mind. You don't like it so you feel you have to label it. That's on you, not me.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
07 Apr 2014, 12:54 pm
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