Hitting vs. self-defense

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The first scenario about the Facebook page had me nearly ranting today.

What's worse, I could easily see my son going along with that kind of bullying rather than being a target of it, and that scares me - he's in a speech therapy group he hates going to with a group of kids he actively hates (largely because he can tell he has the same disability they do, but he's aware of it and can hide it where they can't.) We've told him he can't have a FB profile in large part because of that, but I worry.

Sorry, Olive Oil Mom, I know this will offend your sensibilities, but I really liked the conclusion of this paragraph:

Thank you everyone for your input! Mulling over all the solutions, I think this matter is best handled by someone who is not me LOL I have decided to enroll my son (thanks for the suggestion) in summer martial arts classes, which would accomplish a few objectives: (1) give DS5 a sense of cultural identity (he came back from school reporting that he told his teachers he was CHINESE!--uh, he's not, LOL); (2) give him and his younger brother a common activity they can share; and (3) let the tae kwon do Grandmaster mentor and teach him some of those judgments/skills (the granddaughter I spoke with said he's helped kids with autism before).

So, thanks for all your suggestions! I feel much better now that I have a plan! You are the best!

Sounds like a great plan!

Easy as hana, dul, set!

I agree, I can see it spiraling out of control, and retaliating at everything....although at the same time is so important to stick up for yourself. One of my favorite quotes is that sometimes, "you have to be your own hero"...I wish that when I was younger I had stuck up for myself more than I did.

A few months ago, my husband and I tried telling DS to stand up for himself against bullies. DS, it turns out, did not have a firm grasp on what constitutes bullying. He decided that his father and I were bullying him every time we asked him to do (or not do) something. What followed was a very rough patch of belligerence in which DS punched his dad several times, and dad pushed DS over defending himself. So, that approach didn't work out for us.

ASD or not, I have a problem with asking a 5 yr old to have this kind of judgment of when to use violence and when not to and what level of violence is appropriate.

I also think that there is a real difference between men and women on this one. My son is NT as am I. I take him to rugby which is a tough old sport. At his very first festival (age 6) he punched an opposition player. I was shocked. He told me there was some shoving/hitting something from the oppo - although I did not see that. I told him that he was absolutely NOT to punch on the pitch.

I told a good friend of mine about the incident: he's a man, a former rugby player, a rugby dad and a referee and he told me that 'punching is part of the game'. While I admit that I do violence to opposition players when I play and that this is part of the game, I do not agree that punching is part of it. And it is especially not a part of the game that 6-7 yr olds play. I know that if he continues to play rugby he will get in punch-ups (it's rife in the youth games and also occurs in men's and I've certainly seen it in women's, too). I have told him he is NEVER to punch. I do not think he has the judgement to know when it's appropriate and even if he has been punched he is not to punch back...because the referee only ever sees the 2nd punch.

But if an opposition player is getting too aggressive he is to bide his time and drop a shoulder into the opposing player when he can.