should I send my kid to another school?

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I think there may be a few shiny places that can truly individualize services. Most are not. I meant my comment to refer to that, not your local area. Where I live is horrible. They don't seem to be able to handle much where I live at all. I was not picking on your location.

I recently told our ped that we had to pull our kid out of public school, and the ped did not even blink and just knowingly said something like, "I am not surprised." That was especially telling as my son was especially well-mannered that day.

I would switch to the school where your son can be more intellectually stimulated.

Has your son visited the possible new school? Would it be possible to do some shadow days there?

Assuming you are off for the summer, would it be possible to meet some families that attend there and see if some friendships can be developed beforehand, to make him feel he has something to move into?

Friendships were always really important to my son, as well, but after leaving him too long in a preschool that was not working for him AT ALL, I think if I knew a situation was wrong for him, I'd bite the bullet despite that and move him.

However.

One positive to the hippy dippy atmosphere to remember is that the kids may be unusually open to unique kids. That could be entirely different at the new school. I would definitely want to meet parents and get a feel for the community values before considering a transfer. You do not want to move your son into a place where it could prove impossible to make friends, given how important friends are to him.

I don't envy you having to make such tough choices. Gather all the information and then trust your gut. I don't know any other way to go on it.

I didn't take it that way, I was just thinking 'if this is exeptional, I need to move' .

As for the friendships, I'm going to try to find the kids in his class, but schools are not allowed to share contact details in Belgium. So I'm going to have to do it via via.

As for my gut feeling, I don't really have that anymore. I'm going all Spock on this.

If he likes it there, then it's worth trying.

The only thing that sounds a little iffy is the group work.

I have Asperger's and I always liked to work alone, but if your son is happy and makes enough friends to stay in the "hippy" school, then why not? You should probably make sure he gets his OT if he needs it though. The school shouldn't skimp on that kind of thing and if they do, it isn't too helpful.

What is stopping you looking into Buitengewoon Lager Onderwijs?
DD started in Steiner and for lager we switched to Freinet. Neither or them were willing or able to accomodate so by the end of yr4 and a year of remedial DD was only a former shadow of herself. She never smiled anymore, Did her utter best to be part of but was the laughing stock of the school with most. The ones that didn't laugh pitied her. She had no friends at school
In the parent room everyone would be all ears when a mother mentioned her child's socially accepted learning conditions like dyslexiaetc. If I mentioned ASD it went quiet and many needed to get going cause they had things to do. It's a Belgian thing this tabboo about talking of 'head things'. Might explain why the school you visited wasn't comfortable talking about your son's Tourette's

Now we are a year further. DD has finished her first year in special education. She can laugh again and even enjoys learning again! So what she is in special education? I couldn't care less that 3 quareters of Flanders thinks that special education is a tabboo to talk of. She is in a class of 6 and gets her syllabus to measure. Her end of year rapport is the best I could dream of. She has regained her self-confidence. She didn't want to switch either but got no choice in the matter. She pined for her old school for most of the year but as we were clearing out her sportskit last week she told me to chuck her old school t-shirts and that she never wants to see them again. So she has moved on.
School had called in CLB because we had to talk of middelbaar. And then they mentioned that DD would not make the grade to go to TSO. So I told them that I would rather repatriate to the UK with her and home school her rather than send her to BSO in Belgium. It only serves the want nots or can nots. It's the dumping ground of the Belgian education system.
We have now agreed that DD can do an extra year as she does have the intelligence for TSO but needs the time to make up learning what she fell behind in whilst at freinet. So she got two more years with a dedicated teacher. The directeur of her special school happened to be in the founding group of the freinet school she left. He must be a man with a mission
Best thing I could have done for my child was to take her out of the regular circuit and put her in special education. What I only found after she had moved was that the parent has to request it themselves (unlike in the UK where the LEA decides).
Feel free to PM me, I can deal better with one-to-one conversations.

I did, even when both his therapist, psychiatrist and the school psychologist advised me not too. They say he is too intelligent (he's officially gifted) for BO. I tried anyway, after the whole breakdown; I found a school closeby for type 8, they have many kids with ASD. But even there he is not welcome because of the Tourette's. They said they didn't have enough resources and people to deal with that. I replied to say his Tourette's is not that bad, but they said he should go to a type 3 or 4, kids with 'severe emotional difficulties'. He doens't have severe emotional difficulties. And I really doubt they are going to be give him enough intellectual stimulation in a type 3 of 4, and he needs that as much as anything else.

DD has a diagnosis of HFA and attachment disorder issues. She is currently in a mixed type 3/type 7 school. I asked her today if there were kids at her school that swore a lot for no reason and she said there were a few that might fit the description of Tourette's.

Type 3 is aimed at those with emotional or behavioural problems/difficulties. DD's emotional problems were mainly borne out of the situation at her old school and her inability to find her own place. I was very apprehensive sending her to a type 3 but was reassured it was a totally different kettle of fish than type 8 and we needed to do something at the time.
As for the intellectual stimulation in a type 3 I would talk to the individual school. DD doesn't need that but she does need continuous positive reinforcement which I know is something she would never get in a Type 8 the way she is getting it in Type 3, the classes are bigger to start with.
Type 7 on the other hand is for auditory handicap and it is what is used for ASD children as they respond better to visual stimuli. Not sure in how far they are equipped to deal with gifted children but CLB should be able to tell you more and if your son has an ASD diagnosis he should be entitled. But I would imagine on average Type 3 has more resources than type 8 as they are more specialized towards the emotional development of the child whereas Type 8 is more like a mainstream school for difficult children (if that makes sense)

Is there a way your son can get together with his friends outside of school? If he goes to another school- he may be afraid of not having friends? The school your son goes to know seems negligent. I would be scared something may happen to him.

Yes, and I've kinda made my mind up. I'm going the try the new school, have found a family whose kids go there and who are willing to set up some playdates beforehand. I've talked to his therapists who will sit down with the teacher the week before school starts. If I notice they're not treating him like he should, I'm going to do a John Q in the ministery of Education, because I'm not going to switch schools every two years because of incompetent and unwilling teachers.

As for the special schools, I'm very dissapointed with the reply I got, I'll keep looking into them as a plan B, but please bear in mind that this is a kid who could easily fit in a mainstream school with minor accommodations. That schools have to provide. By law. I shouldn't be begging, they're going to have to treat him like they should. And I'll be polite, but I won't take anymore crap.

Glad you found a family that is going to the new school! One thing I am kind of scared of is if my son will be able to make friends or not. He's almost 3 (going to special needs preschool this year) but he doesn't talk yet. And I think buildings scare him. :-/

Crazy idea and it may be too late - I don't know what your financial situation is, but would the hippy school accept a private aide that you paid for yourself?

Seems to me that if you have somebody providing the structure he needs, it could work (and I'd agree that a hippy school might be more accepting - especially if they could accept the idea of an outside person coming in to help.)

Otherwise, I agree that the safety factor is a very serious issue that can't be ignored.

Unfortunately, I'm a single freelancing mum, there's no way I could pay for that. Even I did, I'd still switch and take the aide with me. Now that I had time to process it all, and heard the story of the parents of one of his classmates, who has severe ADHD and wasn't treated well either by the school staff *understatement*, I think it's better to leave. I am, however, going to write a letter to the school board suggesting to cooperate in one of the national programs that assist and guide schools regarding accomodating for special needs students.

What puzzles me is how the school team, who are good-hearted people, refuse to listen to therapists, psychiatrists, parents and other experts when it comed to dealing with neurodiversity. As the school psychologist said (off the record), it's an ideologistic problem. There seems to be this 'trend' over here, especially amongst a certain demographical group, that makes people negate neurodiversity and blame any issue a kid might have on environmental factors. This might all seem loving and innovative, but it is negating science, and it's dangerous. They seem to think they can 'cure' kids if only they'll make them do more group talks and yoga. That's why I'll keep in touch with the school and will try to make them more aware of the science behind neurodiversity and also, the legal obligation they have to accomodate special needs kids.

But I won't fight this battle with my kid in it anymore. I won't allow anyone experimenting with my kid's mental health or physical safety. The switch will be hard on him, but I'm pretty sure he can do it, with our help. Which will benefit him even more, and it'll show him that he can overcome difficulties that seem impossible.

This is going to be hard, but we'll have to think long term. And everyone will learn. I hope. Again, thanks to everyone for contributing. Wrongplanet rules.

You're not wrong: one of my local friends who's parenting an autie moved here to the US from Switzerland because she thought the whole country was being affected by the horrible attitudes in France - I could see that being even more the case for Belgium. She said she actually saw that "Refrigerator Mother" text by Bruno Bettelheim at several doctor's offices.

See the movie Alex posted here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/article424.html

It's going to take some activism to change the way mainland Europe sees autism. (That said, the book was written in the US only about 65 years ago, and we've come a long way.)

Luckily, things are not as bad here as in France. Apparently many French kids are in Belgium for that reason. But there is some kind of counter-movement against scientific ralitionalism. Some people seem to confuse it with overmedicalization and poor diagnostics.

The first doctor I encounter that has Bettleheim on his wall or even bookshelve, is going to get seriously educated. Luckily, I've met only professional professionals when it comes to doctors, psychiatrists and psychologists that are specialized in ASD.

Glad to hear it - I was very disturbed by her report! Good luck!