Are All Problems Solveable and obstacles surmountable?

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Totally OT, but the other day I was playing a video game in which you have the option of putting makeup on your character, which I did as a matter of exploration (I, myself, can't stand the stuff.)

I was surprised to find out how much it hurt my feelings that the NPCs "liked" my character more with makeup. It made me recognize how impacted I am by certain spectrum issues (sensory sensitivities, a poor sense of my own body, what it communicates and the space it inhabits, and a struggle with understanding the social rules of appearance anyway.) Even in a "fake" environment, these things have an impact. Sigh.

That said, I've found that working my ass off makes up for the appearance things, so there is hope for us.

Yep. I should have listed appearance, also. Looks and even weight or height make a difference in how people are perceived, and judged.

Momsparky and ASDMommy, Assuming this Wikipedia article is accurate in what it says is the USA a Meritocracy? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meritocracy

Example:

Let's say I don't make eye contact properly, shake hands properly, or I speak in a speak in a monotone voice. Can I expect to obtain a job or career even if I tell them that I am able to do the job and I have the qualifications to do the job? Let's say I am a programmer and let's say I have sample programs and projects that I did how would they react if I asked to show them? Would I be allowed to do this?

If eye contact, shaking hands properly and speaking in a fluctuating voice is an inherent requirement even in a technical field based upon the Wikipedia write-up of Meritocracy and assuming it is accurate do we live in a Meritocracy? Can merit alone based upon the what Wikipedia says get me a job or keep me a job? If one has to pretend to be something he is not which goes beyond merit than how is America a Meritocracy?

Unless I'm misunderstanding what working hard and merit is I do not understand how the USA is a Meritocracy.

If you all do not mind, will you give me a critique of what I've written here?
http://whyifailedinamerica1.wordpress.c ... mployment/

Problem in my opinion is what the NT masses want are square pegs to fit into round holes. Will not happen. A cat can't be a dog and eventually the cat's nature will eventually come out. We can't fake our way through life.

Oh, cubedemon6073, I read your linked post et al. No one will dispute your logic, and I do see what you mean. In a sense, you're trying so insurmountably hard! Nobody could overcome the obstacles you've placed for yourself.

Now for the Lab Pet's humble input. I just really want to encourage you. Believe in yourself. That is the best 'make-up' of all, I promise. You are obviously intelligent, insightful, articulate and thoughtful. For what it's worth, I'd hire you. And I think you're trying to solve the wrong problem (hint: you're not the problem). Rather, re-frame it.

I know I've posted this video lecture before on the Wrong Planet, but I really want you to watch/listen. In confidence, I've watched this video plenty of times myself.......because it works, I promise (21 min 02) and you will be shocked near the end. And oh yes you can 'fake it' till you become it!



For the parents on this board, if you're the proud owner of a teen or young adult on the spectrum, share this with them. The logic is clear.

I think there is a degree to which we have a meritocracy - look at people like Richard Feynman, who lived in a time that was even more restrictive than we live in, but whose oddities were ignored in favor of his gifts.

Problem is, we aren't all Feynman. If it were a true meritocracy, we wouldn't have to be superhuman in order to succeed, we could just be ourselves and we would naturally fall into the right place. What we have to do is find a way to express our strengths and minimize our weaknesses in the workplace.

If you present as a person on the spectrum, or even just (forgive me) as an a$$hole like many of us - myself included - do, you're going to have to find a way to let people know it's your neurology and you are working to compensate for it. I believe that many of us with a diagnosis would be best of finding a disability rights advocate to help them navigate employment - first of all, because many technical fields require hiring by Human Resources who tend to focus on social skills even though the people they are hiring are willing to overlook social deficits for good tech skills - and second, because they need to be able to distinguish between social skills that are needed for the job and missing social skills that the job will have to accommodate.

LabPet, I've seen Amy Cuddy's video - somewhere, I can't find it, there's a quite funny blog post about a woman who followed her advice exactly with somewhat mixed results. While it's very helpful for those of us on the spectrum to have a carefully quantified way to present ourselves, it's also not quite as black and white or simple as presented here. Behavioral research is extremely prone to bias (see Feynman!)

It's also untrue that social skills are not needed for a technical career. Employers want to know that you can take direction, that you can communicate clearly when you don't think what you're being asked to do is right and that you won't be obstinate when they ask you to do it anyway. They want to know that you won't constantly get into fights with your co-workers, or annoy or bore them. They want you to follow the rules, but not be so rule-bound that you can't think of ways to solve problems outside of the box. These things can be challenging for Aspies, as they are not black and white and require a certain amount of flexibility to navigate. If you don't have these skills, you need to find professional support to help you develop them (they can be learned.)

I would add that while I would consider myself successful enough that people shake their heads at me when I try to say I'm on the spectrum, I don't have a job - fortunately, my husband is the breadwinner. In large part, volunteering is easier for me than employment because the expectations of a volunteer are lower...and sometimes, volunteering in an area where you are exposing yourself to potential employers helps show your strengths and not your weaknesses.

I understand.



Agreed!



What would be a good way to find a disability rights advocate in my area?

Here's the thing. You've never been an as*hole to me. You've treated me with dignity and respect. Why would others think you're an as*hole? You're very easy to converse with and you break things down and don't give hackneyed and pat answers that tell me nothing.



If you find it, will you please post it?



What does it mean to communicate clearly? This is relative because what could be clear to me is not clear to them and vice versa.



I would do my best not to.



Do you have any recommendations so I could find this professional support with one who has limited funds?



I would like to do some volunteer work but what do I need to do to go about doing that? ARe there websites that I can go to or places I can visit?

I suggest that most problems appear less solveable if you analyze large, general issues like American meritocracy or lack of to conclude that things are out of your control instead of focusing on the specific problem, breaking it into smaller pieces, and starting work on one of the pieces.

That is true...but yeah I find sometimes it also helps to take a break from a frusterating/difficult task, clear my mind of it a bit and then come back to it later when I am not as frustrated with it. Maybe encouraging that would be helpful then its not really implying its not important, just that it may be better to let that go for a while and move on for the time being.

I would not suggest focusing on the blame of others, as that can make one behave just as nasty as that other person. However I think it is healthy to at least acknowledge all the factors...and if that includes someone else contributing to the problem then it probably is helpful to acknowledge they are at least partially to blame if that is the case. But just my opinion.

Re: Amy Cuddy's video: Oh, it's in my post above.

I don't think the answer is binary. We are partially a meritocracy in the sense that there is some positive relationship between effort and ability and reward, but there are numerous other variables.

Think of a linear regression model where maybe you use wage income as your exogenous variable. (You may rightfully argue with that, but I think that is a reasonable proxy for measurable, potentially merit-based success in the U.S, in a simplified model)

Think of all the variables you might include. How much of that model would be explained by variables related to merit? Would the answer be statistically significant? Etc. I would think that you would get a statistically significant affirmative to there being a correlation, but I do not think it would be anywhere close to 100%, if that makes sense.

As far as how welcoming employers would be to an upfront admission of not fitting an NT description? It depends on the employer and how much that employer values the traits you would be admitting you don't have. Some traits like prosody are not apt to be hidden, anyway. Being able to deal appropriately with team projects, information requests etc. would be different. (I am not saying you have those issues, just that these are potential aspie issues, in general.)

With regard to sample code, there are repositories like GitHub.com, where you can post code. They do not store the actual executables, just source files.

(I got this info from my husband b/c I vaguely remembered him having talked about this, but did not remember the name of the site.)

CubeDemon,

When I asked my husband about the code repository name, he suggested that you consider writing mobile apps and trying to sell them. Then you don't have to deal with bosses and subjective, ambiguous directives and the like.

He said there are tutorials on https://developer.android.com/training for example.

I don't know if that would be something you would be interested in doing, but you could give it a try.

You know what. I was doing these trainings for a bit but then I had problems with the website. I got to get back to it.

Another thing about problem-solving that I have noticed is that sometimes people don't understand why when something works at a 90% level, a few people like me are pushing for it to work at a 99% level. On the surface, there doesn't seem to be that much difference between 90% and 99%, but often, there is a huge difference. When the 99% level is reached, it can mean that a whole new batch of options becomes possible, whereas 90% is only good enough for one or two basic options, but not approaching the potential of a system for much greater gain. So even when something that I tried to do is working pretty well, I still have to push to get it nearly perfect. Besides opening up more possibilities at the 99% level, much is learned in the process of getting the system there.

Most problems are solvable to an extent. However, as a few people here have touched upon, not every problem is necessarily worth fixing. You really have to take a look at the problem in question, and using your personal best judgment, you have to decide if the pros to solving itoutweigh the cons. For example, I had a Jeep Wrangler to crack a cylinder head earlier this year. Now, could I have stripped the engine down to the block and shipped the head to a machinist to be repaired? Sure, but it would've cost me $1,000+ and even then, there's no guarantee that the repair would've lasted. In all likelihood, that section of the cylinder head would've remained a weak point and probably would crack again in the future. With all of this, I decided that the Jeep would've become a money pit, thus I decided to scrap it; it was an '89 Wrangler and wasn't my daily driver anyways. Some problems, while solvable, just aren't worth solving.

Communication via forum and email comes significantly easier to me than IRL (and also, keep in mind that you are significantly more tolerant of multi-paragraph emails which to the average NT seem condescending and self-important.)

To find a disability rights advocate, start with your State's office here: http://www.acl.gov/Programs/AIDD/Progra ... tacts.aspx
- if you have an actual medical diagnosis on the spectrum, make sure you have paperwork from the diagnostician. Also, search here: http://www.ndrn.org/index.php

You will probably find what you are looking under what is called "vocational rehabilitation" http://www.acl.gov/Programs/AIDD/Progra ... rants.aspx