Heart Breaking Tonight for Son

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I don't know about the laws in Canada. Here, you can find an advocacy society. I'm sure there are such things in your area. They will help you. IQ test results can point to Asperger's Syndrome. Typically, you'll see a much higher verbal IQ than performance IQ. That is a neurological soft sign of brain dysfunction. It is very abnormal to have large differences in IQ subtests.

This organization is in Ontario:

http://www.afase.com/

Try contacting them for help.

Unfortunately, you can't do much about the bullying behavior of other children.

If you can't afford an education attorney - have you called the ones in your area to see if they have a sliding scale? - check for any Autism Advocacy groups in your area and see if they can help you. If your son is classified Special Ed, at least call for a PPT and go mental on the school administrators for doing nothing while this poor child suffers. Shame on them.

Thank you again for all the replies. I missed a few while I was writting my last post.

We have an apointment with my sons new pead next week. I really want to make it clear to him, that as long as this is not a concrete diagnosis, my son will not recieve any special help from this school, and that the school system has extensive help for "Diagnosed Aspie's".

The psycho ed that was done, was done at 8 years of age, by a therapist at a hospital clinic who really got to know my son over several months. The school was "refusing" to do any testing, and the thearipist wanted to help. 10 years prior, he was a psychometrist by trade, however had not done any testing in 10 years. He so strongly believed that my son did have an LD, that he offered to do the testing as an exception to the norms of the program. I was elated. In the end, though, it could not have gone any worse.

They broke up the testing over three days. He was on Ritalin for ADHD (I think he suffers not from ADHD rather the inability to concentrate that many Aspie Children have, thus it was totally unresponsive to meds). Anyway, After the first test, a Peabody Picture Vocab, I was told he did very well. It was evidence that he indeed, "was very smart". The next week though, and a test later, I was told "it was not good news" and "that he was not as intellegent as they thought". He scored around 101 (I think) for verbal IQ. (it was a range, though, not just a number). He scored in the lower 90's for performance IQ. They overlapped eachother by 1 point. That, indicated that indeed, there was no LD. The following week, they did testing for grade placement. I was told that he was as low as KG for math, up to Grade 5 in other areas. They averaged it out to an ability of a 6 year old. I questioned it, being that the math was SO uncharatoristically low, it pulled everything else very much down, but was told they could not "play with the statistical method". Overall, I don't think this individual was qualified to test my son. I think my son did poorly because he was "not really all there" with the participation. Also, I was told it was not the full psychoed test that most children would be given, rather a condensed version. The guy recomended a full test. However, it got shared with the school and they ran with it. They loved the idea he was "lower then average intellegence" and used it as an excuse to stamp him unworthy of additional funding.

A whole dialog transpired, to which I will not get into, but between that, failing misserably, and being near an emotional breakdown / giving up, I did pull him out. It was the best decision of my life.

I wish I could keep him home. But, life is complicated. I don't think it is in the best interests of either of us. That said, I will NOT leave him in an environment to be the class punching bag. I have decided that he is NOT going to go back until after the 18th, and only if I get the resolution I need. I am sure that this is going to blow up huge, which is a good thing. I am now maticulously documenting everything, and plan to use the police side of it too. This school despreately needs an anti bullying policy, stratagy, and cirriculum. Can I change the actions of other children? No. But it has been proven that you can change the environment of the school as a whole with education and a bullying strategy.

Maybe at the end of the day, he is not an Asperger, but a PDD, non specified. However, the fact the psychometrist thought after months of talking to him that indeed, he was intellegent, and only the "paper" said he was not, makes me very suspicious of the paper. Again, my husbands aunt is a psychometrist, unfortunately she lives over 1000 miles away. But she too, met my son for a two week period a few years ago, and told me to fight for him tooth and nail, she was positive he was VERY intellegent!

"sigh". Now all I can do is wait. Wait for people to call, wait for decisions to be made, and go in to talk. I hate waiting.

My son right now is playing with his stibblings, and stimming on YouTube when I am not hogging the computer myself. He is safe, he seems happy!

PS, I hope I can get that diagnosis next week! I really am at a crossroads without it. I can't get advocacy and the schoolboard is limited in the services they offer without it. An Asperger of PDD diagnoses would give me the teeth to get them off their Laurels with him!

I agree with everyone that he needs this type of action too. It is just so hard to wade through what to take care of first, the bullying, the acomidations, programing, special placement, acedemics. Ultimately though, he needs to be in a safe and non threatening environment, otherwise everything else is all for not. Can he get that in this school, a regualar class... I don't know. I understand the skeptisism! I really do! But nothing is black or white, cut and dried.

It may sound like I am argumentitive or defensive, really I am not, I appreciate all the input, even those who say GET HIM OUT OUT OUT!! ! It means I am not crazy!

Glad to hear your son is having a good and relaxing break

I can see how with the lack of financial resources, as you say getting him into another school will be difficult especially when schools these days are ALL about performance and are unlikely to accept a child who has extra needs and is struggling in school. But there are schools out there that exist. If you find trying to change this school is like flogging a dead horse then (which looking at the principal's attitude, it suggests it might)... is there a local AS parent's support group? You might be able to ask other parents how their kids are doing in their respective public schools and if you ask and put forward your situation maybe you can get a parent who might be able to help your son get into their child's school, especially if they have found the school supportive. Again I don't know how the system works over there but the whole parent link thing can be powerful in pulling kids into schools.

You are right that you need a firm diagnosis before you get get much out of the school. Keep working on that.

Soory if I have been skimming and you addressed this - Are there any large Children's Hospitals with psych departments in your area? If so you can speak with someone there about getting him diagnosed.

Yes, but waiting lists are horrendous. I am still waiting for an appointment I requested with a peadiatric phyciatrist 18 months ago.

They have an Autism Clinic, maybe the waits are not as bad... I'll have to talk to my doctor. Even if I just get him to firm up a PDD at this time, it would help a lot! We can worry about which one later! The fact he has been once again on ADHD med for 3 months, and still having the level of difficulty he does, I think suggests that this is more then ADHD...

don't appologise for Skimming! I appreciate any info.

If he is on a med for ADD and they are not sure he might be autistic or have AS, is that really a good idea? And yes, the autism clinic, if the waits are shorter, is a good idea. 18 months for a diagnosis is absolutely insane. Sorry to hear you have been waiting so long.

I understand your desire and your your son's sesire to remain in school despite the problems. As a child I allways wanted to fit and and follow some sort of normal average existance (at least what I percieved it to be). And there were a few classes that I did enjoy, paticularly concert band which would have been a difficult if not impossible experiance to replicate in home schooling. IF howver you do decide to home school, perhaps you could hire a college student studying to be a teacher to help do some of the teaching. THis would relieve some of the tension of you and your son allways working together.

I wish you the best of luck in finding the best educational situation for your son.

I took him off and refused to med him back when he was 8, based on the prior years experiance. The new school became so beligerant that they shut down any support because of the med withdrawl. They got reports from the old school that "it helped" and "he needed them". Bull%$$#$! (sorry) The breakdown with the school was so severe, it lead to the homeschooling and no meds for 4 years.

I return him to school, and again, the meds come up. I take him to a really good doctor, who listens to us, and has given us the tentitive DX as "I think you have Asperger's". He said that he would NEVER recommend any stimulent again for him, as he had a "bad reaction". However, he did suggest Strattera, and that is what he is on right now.

He still has extreme difficulty focusing on the drug. I don't think it has the full benift you see in most ADHD. However, it has really calmed him down, not in a "doping" way, he reports that he does not feel any different on it. Just, he is more mellow and does not suffer the same anxiety and panic attacks. He also just seems more willing and interested in being "part of the real world".

I find it easier to live with him too. I would never in a million years put him back on a stimulent, however the strattera, for now I think is a good thing. He is on a moderate dose, I am not going to up it, as that would probably increase possible negative side effects, and he is being medically monitored on it.

I appreciate your concern.

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Talked to the VP today. He was very kind and understanding. He told me that he thinks my son has made significant strides in school this year, and that he was "not aware" of the problems he was facing. He told me that Odin had not mentioned anything. I was polite, but went through many senarios, where he did try, with the teachers, the playground supervisior, and the responses, or lack of responses he got. Like being told he was tattling. Being told "sigh, I'll talk to him again, but I don't expect it to DO anything". And the whole tape recorder incident.

The principle heard me and seemed to take me very seriously. He told me that he was going to talk to all the teachers, and "lay down the law". I liked the sound of that, I hope something comes out of it. He needs a few days to get this done, and I told him I did not want to return my son to the school until my husband and I where able to do a full fledged sitdown with him and get some answers as to the decisions that are made, and the processes that will be put in place. He asked me what I wanted, and I told him for the daily abuse to stop, for teachers to actually listen to him, and encourage his self advocating. I also mentioned I was very upset with the whole tape recorder incident, and he told me he understood why, and that would be a priorty, sorting out that situation, as it was hoped to be used for "several" things, including homework.

Overall, I feel pretty good about it. I worry that this is another "feel good" move on their part, where they talk and talk, no action will actually follow. But, they know I am serious, and the VP was in full agreement that there was indeed, an unacceptable problem.

Now, we just have to wait and see how the cards play out!

I also heard back from the police today. She told me that since it was not illegal because

1.) It was a tape recording, not video, that reduces its criminality. (Sort of like a lesser offence)
2.) He was privy to the conversation he was taping, he was not just capturing someone elses conversation.
3.) He was being attacked verbally and with some level of physical agression. (with beating the stall door.)

Infact, the Constible thought that recording the abuse was logical, afterall, he had not been believed before, and it was happening, he had a clear way to document that it was, so why wouldn't he?

I am so so so PISSED off at the teacher for blowing this way out of proportion and not dealing with the issue at hand, but also very pleased to know that indeed, our laws are NOT as screwed up as I thought...

nah, just the school systems are. I think some school's need to get their act together

That's a understatment, solid! They're all in CYA mode and unlikely to change.

If he ended up actually deleting the tape have him get it on tape again, give it to you, then you take it over the teachers head (principal or school board would be nice, heck if that doesn't work a letter to the editor quoting some of the bullies indirectly would work perfectly, newspapers, especcially ones in small towns are always looking for fun controversy).

Also go to Bully Police USAs website (www.bullypolice.org) and ask what they would recommand. Brenda High, the leader of it, son killed himself over (IMHO) less severe bullying, so she would defientally be willing to help you out.

We have a bullying police task force in our police department. I am in Canada, so things may be a little different, and in a very large city for Canadian standards! (Not Toronto).

Anyway, at this point they have stripped my son of the recorder, and I am sure they are NOT going to give it back to him or allow him to bring it in the bathroom, which slightly distresses me. Not much I can do about it.

The police informed me on friday, that not only did he not commit a crime, he used good common sense in recording it!

The Vice Principle took it seriously, in a CYA way. He denied the school "knew" or "had been told" he was having this problem. I threw the facts in his face, (more courtiously though) and he has promised to look into it, stated it is unacceptable, and is going to "lay down the law".

I have demanded a sitdown next week to discuss his reentry plan, and what action they are prepared to take. I don't think I will send him back until the 18th. The only problem with this is, bless his heart, he wants to join the swim team, and the tryouts / first practice is next Tuesday. I need to get in touch with the Gym Teacher in charge, and the VP on Monday to see if they can wave the compulsery school board requirement that you cannot participate in an extracirriculer activity if you are not in school that day.

Sorry I missed that before. I am a police officer in Connecticut. If a child OR an adult was tape recording an incident in which they were being victimized, such as you have described, that would not be illegal. In fact, it would be considered evidence if the abuse rose to the level of a crime. For a the school to be more concerned with the taping than what caused it is just idiotic.