Why do a lot on this subforum seem to not like me?

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your life seems to go from crisis to crisis. most of the time i can tell from a thread title that it's from poor OOM again. yet you seem to think you are right enough to belittle others.

Actually I do have a lot that goes on. However what may seem a huge crisis to one person may not be all that big to another. Most of the posts I put in the haven about things that happen aren't there for me to whine about it to ya'll. It's usually just one of the "I'll feel better if I tell somebody and get it off my chest" type thing.

And there is no "poor OOM". OOM takes care of herself very well.

I don't belittle others, I might argue and sometimes I get mad but I certainly don't set out to belittle anyone.

But thanks for letting me know.

I don't dislike you.

I don't dislike anyone here. I have my hot-button issues like everyone does, and some things get under my skin more than others. Some days I deal better with it than on others.

I have seen you be belittling, but not as a typical response. I have only seen you belittle when either the poster you are responding to was belittling, or arrogant, otherwise flaming people, or you were already upset.

In response to the remark about you jumping from one crisis to another: I think that you just have a strong personality and strong emotions. From what I remember reading, I don't think you have more crises than most people I know, but you are extroverted and tend to see life in a more narrative type of format than others and so you intertwine a lot of overlapping details into your posts. This may come off as dramatic to some readers (I enjoy this quality). If you aren't a writer, I think you'd be a good one. I just think that strong, extroverted, personalities rub some personalities the wrong way more often.

I haven't found OOM to be belittling to others from my perspective.
I think different people have different opinions of what belittling is, so what someone perceives as belittling, another person doesn't think is belittling.

@OliveOilMom If people don't like you, that's their problem, not yours. They don't know you, they don't know anything about you, if they don't like you, just push them to the left. Personally, there's only one or two, if any, people I actually dislike on this forum. You certainly aren't one of them. Don't let these idiots bother you. Hugs

While I don't think you set out to belittle others, that's not the same as not belittling them. You do, sometimes, and what they say before that is probably a factor, but you're still belittling others rather a lot. I don't like when you or anyone does that, but we are all different, and it isn't necessarily always wrong, either.

I guess the question is, how much do you care about being liked? Because I think when you put others opinions down because they disagree with you by saying they're wrong as if that makes it so, it's not always going to make you liked. Might be worth it for you, and that's ok, just, the consequence is you may not always be liked.

I like you, but I don't think it's fair or rational to pretend that writing off people's opinions that they're trying hard to express on an autism forum as if you're on talk radio is going to be popular with everyone. I've often had the thought that you're wrong on the facts, but that it would upset me to argue more than it's worth. I have found you to be pretty reasonable when I explain what I mean, but sometimes the forcefulness of the initial rejection of my opinion is frustrating, even just reading when I'm not posting anything.

I do like you, I didn't at first I thought you were pretty unkind but I've learned you're much deeper by reading what you post. And especially when you tried to understand something I wrote and acknowledged there was validity. That was the first time I had seen you do that though I'm certain it's not the first time, and I respect you a lot more for listening. That's something you've given me that really matters, seeing that people can not only seem nice and not be, but also seem otherwise and be warmer and kinder than I'd expect, and I'm grateful.

I don't think you're imagining some people dislike your intensity, I don't know that you should automatically dismiss this, either. It's information is all.

And I think you're complicated.

I pretty much agree with this. We've never interacted much, you and I, but from what I've read of yours it seems you can be unnecessarily caustic. I understand and appreciate your perspective, but this isn't talk radio and people here have certain sensitivities. Not to mention that you're on a forum made mostly for people on the ASD spectrum, so clearly your kind of attitude would be easily misinterpreted.

But of course you must have just as hard a time as any of us, trying to communicate well. That's just the inherent hazard of frequenting this particular forum for obvious reasons, and people should understand when they come here that there is going to be bristling.

Nurseangela, for example, had what I felt were reasonable questions and then something broke out that looked like it might become a flamewar. So, after I came back and there were already two more pages I didn't even look at it again. Just some feather rustling which is perfectly natural for this place. Hopefully it didn't rub anyone the wrong way.

Okay, OOM here is my response. I can't say that I like or dislike you because I've only seen you online and do not know you in real life. First, what you need to understand is that not everyone will respond to your tactics favorably meaning they will not work. We all come in different shapes and sizes with differing abilities, personalities, thought processes and disabilities. Example, let's use me. Using emotional manipulation on me will not work. I am more cerebral as you have said. What will work is to use logic, rationality and empirical evidence to prove your points. If you can give a well constructed logical argument I will alter my position. If I say no woman will date me then show me where I am wrong. Counter my argument and if you can give a well constructed argument than I will alter my position.

Can you show me examples in which your tactics has worked for people and they've been able to be successful in getting dates and/or employment and what is your total sample size?

Second, your behavior is inconsistent to what you believe and makes absolutely no sense to me. You complain about others complain and whining about their stuff yet you complain and whine about others complaining and whining. You complained and whined about the principal canceling that prom. Why? Why is it okay to whine and complain in one sense but not another sense? Are there cases in which whining and complaining are legitimate? You complained and whined about your husband and your children? What is the difference exactly? Why force the unfairness of life down one group of people but demand fairness in other iterations? I don't get it.

Third, you, Fnord and other conservatives believe in personal responsibility which entails from internal locus of control. What is the extent of the control of our lives? We have legal laws, person's genetics, social standards and the laws of existence and nature that bound and constrain us. Can everyone truthfully pull themselves by their bootstraps no matter what their circumstances? How? Fnord uses himself as an example that an asperger person can be successful. Problem is, depending on the actual stats he may be making a hasty generalization. You and him and others could be deviations from the norm.

Fourth, this is what I've said with American Employment and why I do not believe I can succeed in it. If you can please show me where I'm wrong then please do so with logic and rationality. https://whyifailedinamerica1.wordpress. ... mployment/

Fifth, by calling people whiners and complainers you're not attacking their arguments. You're attacking their characters which is a fallacy in logic called an ad hominem attack.

I can only think that you're quite straightforward and maybe some people don't like that. I think you're great though. Your post about the PTA wash made me laugh for days

I've seen you respond to my posts, be it rants about how my childhood stunk to high heaven, or about something else. And I can glean one thing from it that can give you an idea: you play devil's advocate at times. Basically, briefly taking the opponent's side for fairness's sake. As an aspie, I can understand that (despite not being happy about it), since I'm all about fairness, but since many posters are NT, and are often looking to be validated, rather than hear the truth, well... So when they read your posts siding with their opponents, they react negatively.

I'm pretty sure I'd not widely liked, either. Probably because I tend to give extremely effective but highly controversial advice. For example, telling aspie guys to date girls they're not attracted to or to hire an escort. I've done both, and still do when I have to, and I was very pleased with the results, especially the latter .

Either way, don't change. You found a unique style that works and doesn't alienate too many people. Stick with it.

I think you have changed OOM, you seem more approachable. Keep it up!

I don't see much benefit from fighting, at least not as a steady diet.

Not read any of the other posts, so if you've followed up on this thread, I haven't read that (yet).

I like talking to you and think you gave me a lot of good feedback / advise on / about my son. I think that you would be a good friend to have if we knew each other IRL, but this isn't real life. The problem with posting / communicating via message boards or private messaging is that you don't really get the whole package. You don't have the benefit of body language, eye contact, tone of voice etc that you would, were you communicating with someone face-to-face. All you have are walls of words (and some "emoticons") but you really have to interpret the intent of posts that reply to you or are directed to you without the benefit of the afore-mentioned real life "aides". So, it's easy to believe that someone hates your guts, based on how you interpret their walls of words when it could really be that they don't really care about you AT ALL, either way.

Secondly, even if someone does believe that they dislike you based on the stuff you post here, does it matter ? This person is a virtual stranger who may be sitting halfway around the globe and who you will probably never meet or interact with in person in this lifetime. So who cares if they hate your guts ? Let them have at it. I don't think that you should take total strangers' feelings about you at face value or to heart. It doesn't matter. It's not like your next door neighbour, who also just happens to be the County sheriff, has an axe to grind with you. Now that would be a real problem, wouldn't it ?

But this ? People disliking you on Wrong Planet ? Who cares ? If you do... then you really shouldn't.

JMHO.

I haven't read all of the posts, OOM, so I may or may not be repeating feedback that others have given you.

As I think you already know, I both like and respect you. We come from very different backgrounds and sometimes I am shocked by some of what you say (sometimes maybe even slightly horrified), however, I do understand that we come from very culturally asimilar places, and I pass no judgement on you, even though I do have to settle myself sometimes.

And you are a woman to speak your mind frankly.

But that is not what I think sometimes causes offense.

I am having difficulty writing what I mean because I am at one of those places where not being squarely NT and not being squarely non-NT makes for an interesting...ummm....I don't know if I can speak for either "side" if that makes any sense. So I don't know if I am "qualified" to say what I am about to say.

But I will try anyway.

As an NT parent (which I kind of am and kind of am not), one of the things that can get very frustrating is having AS adults treat you as if you are completely clueless about what your kid needs. Some NT parents may be. I have met a few. They buy into the popular rhetoric and latch on to fear-based messaging. But some are every bit as intune with their kid's needs as any parent on the spectrum might be. Being accused of wanting to force your child to be indistinguishable from their peers, of being overprotective, of being abusive, or any other number of things that parents can be accused of, is extremely insulting when you know that is not what you are doing. And when you know that is not what you are doing, and a stranger whom you have never met, who does not know your kid, and who only knows what you have chosen to share in a few words on an internet forum chastises you, criticizes you, berates you, or makes hurtful accusations, it is very difficult not to take it personally.

I am not saying you have done all of those things, at least not to my memory (which sucks). But I do know that you have accused people of being too overprotective and I think that rubs some people the wrong way. I know personally I am way more protective of both of my kids than I ever wanted to be. However, I have found it to be necessary. As they grow, I am finding that I am able to loosen the reigns a bit, but when they were younger, I got accused of helicopter parenting more than once, but it was what I had to do. Not what I wanted to do. I don't know if you and I have ever come to blows over it or not, but it wouldn't bother me. I am the type that if I am acting in accordance with my convictions, I sincerely do not care if other people agree with me or not. I just chalk it up to the possibility that their experience is different than mine and leave it at that. But I have known many NT parents who are extremely sensitive to criticism, especially when it comes from an adult aspie. It's not easy being the parent of a kid on the spectrum, because no matter what you decide to do, someone will tell you that you are wrong. And some adult aspies are downright nasty to NT parents; hateful even. I know you well enough that I know you are not intending to be nasty when you get a little ranty about being overprotective, but if someone who doesn't really know you as a whole person sees one of those rants out of context with who you are as a whole, it will be offensive. And it may be hard to shake off that first impression.

You know, sometimes I think that I am not well-liked here, either. There are times when it doesn't bother me, because oftentimes my motive for being here is to try to help someone who may be struggling with something I have already "figured out," and sometimes I am here just because I need to be able to speak with someone who understands what life is like. But sometimes it does bother me a little. Because I am human. I don't think anyone likes not being liked. I find that both IRL and online, people seem to either really like me or not like me at all. I appreciate that you are asking for feedback so that maybe you can change, but I--for one--am not really sure I would want you to change. I would not like Fnord to change. I would not like Aspie1 to change (even though he got really mad at me once ). Because you are who you are and I think who you are is just fine. Now, that doesn't mean that I don't think you should apologize when you know you've hurt someone (and you usually do). But I think the "you" that we see here is the real "you." And I think that people who don't like you are entitled not to like you, but I don't think that means that you shouldn't be here, or that you should not be you. There are some people here that I do not like, but I think they have just as much right to be here as I do, and I don't think they should have to be different to accommodate me.

At the end of the day, as long as we are not deliberately going around hurting people, all we can do is apologize for hurting others if we find out that is what we have done. I have seen you do that more than once. For me, that is enough.

I think we should scrap the category of PDs, personally. Many of the individual PDs are completely different conditions - a person with schizoid PD has nothing in common with a person with histrionic PD. Meanwhile, most PDs bear a lot closer relationship to one or more conditions that are not considered PDs - such as schizophrenia for schizotypal PD, autism for schizoid PD, ODD and conduct disorder for antisocial PD, mood disorders for borderline PD, anxiety disorders for avoidant PD, the list goes on. So why not put these conditions in the categories that actually cover the kind of symptoms they cause? Why lump them together in some generic category that tells you absolutely nothing about the issues the person has?

I mean, if you tell me someone has a mood disorder, I know they often feel unhappy, no matter which specific diagnosis they have. If you tell me they're on the schizophrenia spectrum, I know they're likely to have a strange and sometimes irrational perspective on things. If you tell me they've got a anxiety disorder, I know they feel worried or scared about something. If you tell me someone has a personality disorder, I know absolutely nothing about them. They could be anxious, or unable to feel fear at all. They could be unhappy, or they could love the way they are and think everyone else has a problem instead. They could be very shy and introverted, or they could crave attention constantly. I don't even know if they've had their issues since early childhood, or if it all started in adulthood. (You can actually have a new-onset PD caused by stress as an adult.) No other diagnostic group tells you so little about the person and their issues. Even the now defunct category of 'disorders usually first diagnosed in childhood' at least told you the age of onset - and it was removed from DSM-V for being too vague!

Also, regarding the idea of using a switch to discipline - I don't think it's ideal. However, what matters most is the parent's attitude while disciplining. If you tend to yell and scream while disciplining, that will hurt a child whether you're hitting them with a switch, spanking them, or even just putting them in time-out or taking away a treat. Whereas, if you're calmly telling them 'you did X, that gets you the strap' and X is something they can control and it always earns them the strap, that's not really a problem. I do think using time out or taking away a treat would be better, but most kids don't need perfect parenting, just 'good enough' parenting, in order to turn out well.