mercury/heavy metal poisoning/chealation???

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I think many aspies do learn to do just this. Infact, I think some aspies get very adept with their rote "TOM" and almost take it to far, going too far out of their way to "not offend" or "be friendly" or "be helpful". They become inraged with they see a fellow human being "disregard the social rules of engagement" for the very reason that it now means so much to them. "If I have to behave, why do YOU get away with it! I know my mother becomes very indignant with people who make insensitive comments or show little tact. The funny thing is, she constantly walks around with her foot in her mouth due to poor TOM! She sees it in other people but not in herself!

Personally, I have been taken aback by some of the comments I have recieved here, they seem biting and hurtful, I just about feel "wipped" or like the person "does not like me! . But, at the end of the day, I have to consider where I am, I am on a forum where the majority of participants have social skills, are usually very straightforward, and cut to the chase with little or no thought for "feelings". Did they mean to be offensive? Probably not, because if you look at them, as a general rule, they do give great helpful advice. To say that they in this case, are being "malevolent" shows my own in securities more so then anything else. If you don't like what they have to say, just ignore it and move on! Or say "What did you mean by that?".

At the end of the day, this is a forum for Aspies, with some NT's who hang out to get help for their kids. A lot of us parents however, also fit on the ASD spectrum, or nearly do. I think it can be taken for granted, that social skills may not be some members strongest suit! And why should it be? This is maybe the one place on earth, where an Aspie, should be allowed to be an Aspie!

TOM.... oh, theory of mind! I have seen this phrase but do not know anything about it. It is something I have been wanting to look into. Thanks for reminding me!

Just on a superficial level. Most of the time, we have no idea what will and will not be offensive to any particular person, but only a general set of rules which usually offends no one.

I used to get the most offended when someone ascribed a motive to me that I didn't have, or in other words, when the NT made an ToM error. I do have an aspie ToM and I can understand most aspie motives.

You need to kick the normalcy habit to feel comfortable here.

I agree it is superficial! My mother is a perfect example, She is the queen of fluffy superficial socialisation! And it works! Almost, on first encounter, 99% of people think she is the nicest most polite person she ever met! The other 1% are left dumbfounded wondering what "hit" them due to some blowup. But her social skills have no depth, and by the 30th encounter, most think she is nuts, crazy, a wack job, rude, intolerable, or any other number of things. She is in her 50's, she has never held a job for more then 6 months due to "clashes with people".

However, with the superficials, she is obsessed with them, if you don't perscribe to the social structure she has learned by ROTE, she will hang you out to dry by your toenails and never ever forgive you! She concocts all sorts of "motives" and "reasons" why people said and did the things they did, usually she is wrong! If you where to "correct her" or "argue an idea she has" she looses it! She cannot comprehend debate or differences in opinion, these are percieved as "rude slights" by her.

My young adulthood was made MISSERABLE trying uselessly to defend myself from the "motives" my mother mostly perscribed to me. "You did this because you think I am ..." In the end, it was usually easier to go along with it, but then I did not seem to show the proper amount of "remorse". *sigh*. The only thing worse then an Aspie being trapped in an NT world, can be an Aspie being trapped in a delusional Aspies world! I have to admit, I have thought a few times, you where out to get me! But if I looked at it a bit more, I decided that you "probably" are not! Everyone has opinions, everyone is welcome to theres.

[/quote] I figured that out pretty darn quick!

Actually, I've never set out to get anyone in my life!

I am so misunderstood. I've had girls come up to me and accuse me of trying to steal their boyfriends.

Ummm. Who is your boyfriend? *shrugs*

LOL! I have had the same problem with the whole "boyfriend thing". Oh well.

I remember being really hurt when I was 20. My son was around 3 at the time, and my family and I where doing this craft / antique fleamarket thing, and there was this couple that just made the most beautiful and charming little wodden cars and trucks. They made other wood items too, like mailboxes and potatoe bins, but I was just mystified with the cars, but even the smallest things at the time where too expensive outside a special occasion. Anyway, one week they gave my son one of the cars, and I was SO HAPPY and thought it was SO NICE of them to do that! It really made my day, and I did my best to express my gratitude.

I suppose I failed, because when we went home, my mother told me they where deeply offended by me, and thought I was a snob! I tend to internalize everything, and cried pretty hard over that, I think it was years of frustration, feeling "missunderstood". The following weekend, sure enough they did really seem cool towards me, all the casual banter was gone, I have know idea "what" they wanted from me! I just don't do "genuine excitement gratitude and surprise" rolled up into one neat little package the way most gift givers seem to think I should! I tend to be a nervous wreak now when someone I don't know very well gives me a present. My son is the same way, fortunately, having experianced it myself, I know not to take it personally!

Earthcalling, I think you are learning about AS right now and I aplaud your effort to understand yourself and your son. Even for the brightest, this is not an easy concept to wrap your mind around. Your mom, though, sounds like a different animal. I think it would be rare for an aspie to attribute motives to people. Most apsies don't think about motives, but we end up curiously confused and sometimes hurt by other people's reactions. I think the fact that your mom thought you a snob is very odd - for an aspie.

I don't go around putting people into pidgeon holes. Sometimes I just disagree with your conclusions, plain and simple. That is not a reflection of anything but the fact that I can have a different view of AS and I've had a much longer history with AS in myself and in my family. It is really nothing personal.

It is possible. I have thought for a long time that she was BPD, she is a 100% match for that. Others suggested that perhaps she was Aspie, due to the overlap in symptoms. I know she had a very hard time "relating"to me growing up, as far as she was concerned, I was from Mars, this seems a little inconsistant to me, as it seems most aspies relate better to fellow aspies then they do to the NT world.

I know my father had aspie like traits too, and his family as a whole was very antisocial. He was "abnormally unemotional" and very introverted. He had no friends in all the time I knew him, although he had a few "associative relationships" that where "almost friends" on a handful of occasions. By trade he was an accountant, and a damn good one! When my mother left him for perscribing a million "motives" on her that he himself never had, he hooked up with another woman who mirrored my mother. She was a very very fickle crazy, psychotic superficial "Witch". Sadly though, he passed away a decade ago to cancer, maybe if I am trying to the family aspie traits in a prior generation, I need tobe looking more at my paternal side then maternal. Maybe the people on my moms side are not Autistic at all, just plain nuts!

Anyway, I appreciate "most" of the advice you give, it is evident that you have a deep understanding of the AS mind.

The aspies in my family had a Devil May Care attitude about things. That may be a bit unusual, but it has certainly influenced my attitude. I've never cared about what socieity thinks and value my independence. Everyone is apergerish in a different way.

But I do think aspies would be happier if they would stop trying so hard. As long as your are able to support yourself and be happy, nothing else really matters.

My father was very "devil may care". My mother used to say that a bomb could go off in a room, and he would calmly proceed to the nearest exit, nothing seemed to "rattle him". I know it was a huge point of contention in their relationship, as he was unresponsive to her "feelings and emotions" even when she tried to express them to him. I think I would have been too. My mother however, really thrust the importance of "caring" and "popularity" on me. I remember many hours being screamed at as a child that I had to care, that I did not care, about a wide variety of things, often of a social nature. My two sister where very popular at times and my mother would faun all over them, in turn making me feel like garbage or sub human. In time, I think this lead to my "wanting to care" and desperately trying, although usually failing in all things. This created a huge amount of anxiety, and I learned to "care" in many ways, because to not "care" was to be subhuman.

They where very confusing and trying times. To some extent, I did learn a bit under her infulence, although much of it was under duress and it took huge blows to my self esteem. I know I still just can't read people the way I should, and I often do not feel emotions the way others do.

I remember being at a party when I was in grade 6. I started to dance, and I was dancing right out of control, no rythem, not at all in keeping to the rest of the "guests". Everyone kept coming up and encouraging me to dance, desperately wanting to fit in, I would comply, getting crazier and crazier all night with people provoking me to do certain things. Everyone was laughing, I did not realize they where laughing AT me. It was not until I went home that my mother told me what they where doing. I was slow to believe her, but going to school next week, with the way people where behaving to me, I came to accept that she was right. It was heartbreaking, I actually ended up on valuim for a time, and never trusted people the same way again.

With my son, I have found myself reliving the pattern, trying to "make him care" as much as I can, using my limited social repetoir of what is acceptable or good or not. Oh the fights we have had! Being here though, is helping me adopt a different point of view. I am putting much less importance on these things, and trying to give him allowance for being who he is. He is never going to be an NT, but that does not mean he can't be happy!

I think your family is very flat emotionally by the sounds of it. I think that is common for Aspies, but I do think on the other end of things, many aspies tend to be overly emotional, on the opposite pole of the emotional spectrum. Maybe this comes from years of trying to be something they are not, trying to be NT, but it just gets taken too far, along with a good dose of over stimulation and anxiety.

You are right, it is better to "not care" as much and not to even try and work out the motives of others!

Your father sounds aspergerish and your mother does not.

Flat emotionally....I don't know. They just didn't care what other people thought. I would say more independent than flat. There was a vein of eccenricity running deep within the family tree. I was just another bud.

In 2006, the NIH started a double-blind clinical trial study of DMSA as chelator agent on children with autism/asperger's. The study is spanned on a 12 weeks schedule for the chelation process. The results should be out in 2007 or 2008. Click on the following for more information: Clinical Trials / NIMH

I don't think that they will be using ALA (Alpha Lipoic Acid) as a mobilizing agent as recommended by Andrew Hall Cutler. Cutler says that an ALA+DMSA protocol is more efficient than only DMSA because ALA brings the heavy metals (mercury and lead) from intra-cellular space into the blood stream. Thus, both are needed to complete the job. Also, Cutler argues that lower doses of DMSA/ALA should be used, but on a longer period of time, for like 6 to 12 months, depending on the amount of toxins.

But at least it's a first study by the NIMH.

I hope these studies disprove these wacky parental theories once and for all.

AS and autism existed before vaccinations. How do you explain this?

What about other ways of coming in contact with mercury? Fish? tooth fillings? are there other ways?

If I understood, one theory had something to do with the measles vaccine also, which did not have the theramasol in it but there have been "reports" of the live virus in peoples intestines and effecting absorption, causing toxins to cross over where they shouldn't be. Something like that. How long has the live measles vaccine been around?

It will be interesting to see if anything comes of this study. I guess we wait and see.

I never had a measles vaccine, only polio and smallpox. My father had AS and received no vaccines. At any rate, they are looking at mercury and autism, not mercury and AS. They are mainly looking at the vaccinations of children who regressed and later tested as mentally ret*d.

Hmm.. there does seem to be two groups. One that showed symptoms/traits from birth and those that seemed NT until a certain age and regressed. Maybe that is part of the difference. My son was not one who regressed. His personality/traits showed right from the beginning, day one.