ASD Stepson Makes Me Uncomfortable

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Sweetleaf
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20 Jul 2016, 5:08 pm

YippySkippy wrote:

Quote:

For people who have think OP should have a cup of STFU, pick your favorite object. Weighted blanket, favorite stuffed animal, the shirt that has been worn down to that just right no picky sensory overload softness. Then have someone use that object for sexual gratification without you knowing about it. Even if the object got dry cleaned or washed with no extra DNA floating around on it, you'd all have no issue with someone going through your personal space and using your personal object as a sex toy? We'd all be cool with that? Especially if the person was older that 16?

That's not the same as what we know happened at all. He masturbated in a bedroom or bathroom that didn't belong to him, but was part of his house. That's it. There's no reason to assume his thought process went any further than "here's an empty room, no one's around..." All this stuff about panties and being attracted to his stepmom is coming from peoples' imaginations, and is very likely influenced by the OP's highly offensive statement that she's creeped out. She doesn't sound like she needs any help thinking up horrible stuff about this kid, so I don't know why you guys are feeding her paranoia.

While I agree that he probably was more thinking empty room and not about his step mother, I am not so sure it should be seen as so offensive the O.P said she was creeped out. I mean can she really help it the thought of masturbating going on in there creeped her out? I don't think she was trying to infer autistic people are creepy by default I assume she'd probably have been just as creeped out if the kid was NT. I think she probably posted in an attempt to feel less creeped out about the incident.

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androbot01
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20 Jul 2016, 5:35 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

androbot01 wrote:

I think it was a creepy thing for the kid to do.

I also think that he probably has a crush on you, OP.

Definitely awkward.

That is quite an assumption to make...I am sure the kid is embarrassed enough about getting caught in the act, without having it assumed he has some inappropriate lusting for his step mother. I mean if it was the bedroom in their bed then I could see the suspicion being a bit more reasonable but from the sound of it he did it in the bathroom which is attached to the master bedroom. Maybe it was the furthest bathroom away from his parents at that moment.

Really?

Betseyev wrote:

He just turned 18 and is about to start his senior year of high school.

Betseyev wrote:

Chris admitted he had been masturbating in our bed/bathroom!!

So he is an 18-year old (an adult) and I believe the above quote should be interpreted as that he was in both the bed and the bathroom.
An 18-year old being interested in his stepmom is not that odd.

He definitely crossed a boundary. I can't see how the relationship can ever stop being awkward after an incident like this.

YippySkippy
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20 Jul 2016, 5:39 pm

Quote:

I assume she'd probably have been just as creeped out if the kid was NT

That's the thing, though. He's not NT, she knows he's not NT, and she (supposedly) is educated about autism. That's why it's inappropriate of her to respond to his behavior that way. I'm not saying he should be allowed masturbate wherever he wants, but being creeped out by a faux pas is not reasonable. And being unable to stop thinking about it for days on end is a gross overreaction.

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20 Jul 2016, 5:47 pm

YippySkippy wrote:

And being unable to stop thinking about it for days on end is a gross overreaction.

not that i mean to defend the op (i very highly suspect it's a troll at this point. or maybe just one of those guilt-tripping people, who knows), but what you just said doesn't make any sense. an inability isn't a choice. that's separate from the issue of choosing not to distract yourself with more innocuous and productive things, and then taking it out on others

this is getting kinda "meta"

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somanyspoons
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20 Jul 2016, 8:00 pm

Wait a minute. Did this lady use her stepson's real name? WTF?

Should this be reported? Is there a rule against posting someone else's real name? Especially if its telling the internet that they did something that is often socially shamed? He's 18, but he's still in highschool. What if another student is on these boards and puts it together that its him?

Doesn't this fall under wrongplanet's definition of bullying?

Any thoughts? I suppose I could report it anyways and let the moderators work it out. Personally, I really wish this whole thread would go away. I know people have sexual hang-ups, and that its not uncommon for some people to think that sex is dirty or bad, but I don't really want to hear so much about it.

Sweetleaf
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20 Jul 2016, 8:18 pm

androbot01 wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

androbot01 wrote:

I think it was a creepy thing for the kid to do.

I also think that he probably has a crush on you, OP.

Definitely awkward.

Really?

Betseyev wrote:

He just turned 18 and is about to start his senior year of high school.

Betseyev wrote:

Chris admitted he had been masturbating in our bed/bathroom!!

Yes really, we are talking about a teenage male with aspergers things that are 'obvious' to a lot of people, people with aspergers can be a bit oblivious to or unaware of. Also in the full context it certainly seems more like he masturbated in the bathroom of the bedroom not in their bed. Also yeah it is a bit odd for one to be 'in to' the woman their father marries also generally so its a bit presumptuous to assume that's what was going on in his head.

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Sweetleaf
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20 Jul 2016, 8:25 pm

YippySkippy wrote:

Quote:

I assume she'd probably have been just as creeped out if the kid was NT

So because he's not NT she shouldn't feel at all creeped out that he masturbated in that bathroom? Not sure outsiders can really determine how someone should feel. I certainly doubt his intentions were malicious or anything, which I would hope they O.P will consider and be able to move on from this....but people can't really flip a switch and be like 'I will only be creeped out if an NT does something I find creepy but make an automatic exception if they have autism' I don't think.

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Sweetleaf
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20 Jul 2016, 8:27 pm

somanyspoons wrote:

I don't think it really matters if only a first name is used....and she doesn't really specify if the name she uses is really his name or not.

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AnaHitori
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20 Jul 2016, 8:33 pm

somanyspoons wrote:

She put the names in quotation marks. I assumed that meant the names were made up.

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somanyspoons
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20 Jul 2016, 9:10 pm

AnaHitori wrote:

somanyspoons wrote:

She put the names in quotation marks. I assumed that meant the names were made up.

I see now. She stopped using quotes after the first post.

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20 Jul 2016, 9:28 pm

For the record, just to blow the minds of women (and men if they are here but not speaking up) I have indeed had situations where I'm assuming someone has had sex on my bed. With my comfies around them, including my weighted blanket and my underwear in the drawer right next to them. Also, on my couch - probably where I'm sitting now. And I'm very sure that some masturbation happened in my private bathroom. When I let people use my bed while I was away on vacation, I did ask them to clean the sheets, as I did not want someone else's smell in bed, and any body fluids do need to be cleaned up.

But no, this does not hurt me, gross me out, or provide me with a creepy feeling. I don't think sex is dirty or immoral. I understand enough about science to know that after my sheets are cleaned, I do not have to worry about STD's. In fact, everything except Hepatitis C will die quickly after the body fluid dries whether you wash it or not. Sex is private, and in my opinion best experienced between people who love one another, but there is nothing bad about it.

I vaguely remember being grossed out about sex when I was a kid. But I let go of those feelings as I grew up and recognized how normal and natural sex is.

wilburforce
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20 Jul 2016, 9:51 pm

somanyspoons wrote:

It is not in any way shaming or sex-negative to ask the people we cohabitate with to not masturbate in our bedrooms but to do that in their own room. Your inability to understand this is perplexing.

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Fitzi
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20 Jul 2016, 10:46 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

YippySkippy wrote:

I agree with you, Sweetleaf, that she probably posted in an attempt to feel less creeped out and, honestly, I would feel creeped out if somebody (NT or not) was masturbating in my bedroom too. However, the title of the topic is :"ASD Stepson Makes Me Uncomfortable", not: "I Feel Bad For Feeling Creeped Out by My ASD Stepson", or even "Situation with ASD Stepson Makes Me Feel Uncomfortable." The title puts him in the active role of causing her to feel discomfort, it is 'him' doing it, not his actions. So, we see from the title that it goes a bit deeper than just the masturbating incident, otherwise it would have been worded differently. The title suggests that she is creeped out by his whole being. So, I see why other posters feel offended.

B19
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20 Jul 2016, 11:50 pm

[quote="Aristophanes" I think it's the location and not the act. quote]

From what the OP wrote, Aristophanes' observation appears the core of this to me also. The issue here is not about the fact that teenage boys masturbate, goodness me - teenage boys and masturbation go together like fish and water! Although expressed in different words, what I think the OP is concerned about is a BOUNDARY issue for the OP, arising from the violation of the boundary of the personal space she shares with the boy's Dad.

Boundaries are an important learning curve, particularly during the years from childhood to young adulthood. Perhaps the dialogue here could more helpfully focus on this perspective. I think many young AS men might find it harder at this age to perceive what appropriate boundaries are, and there are books which address this, so it may be that finding one and buying it for him could be a very constructive thing to do, if done in a way that is not recriminatory.

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21 Jul 2016, 12:04 am

somanyspoons wrote:

No she obviously used psyodiums (sorry, I don't know the word) so hence the reason why the names were in quotes.

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21 Jul 2016, 12:09 am

somanyspoons wrote:

I didn't even know what sex was until I was 12 and I found it disgusting up until the age of 18. I still find other parts of it gross and don't even want to hear or know about it or even read about it and I won't do them either.

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