How many parents have taken the Aspie quiz ?
I'm still trying to figure this out. Do you have any pointers? I've been forcing myself to look people in the eye the entire time I'm talking to them or they're talking to me now, but it feels very strange. I'm wondering how often I should look away. It seems like they're a little uncomfortable with it too, but maybe I'm not reading them right. I, especially, noticed this with my kids. I never really thought of all of them as Aspie, especially the two who are extremely outgoing, but even they don't look me in the eye, most of the time, when I'm talking to them. Maybe, they're just not used to having me look in their eyes. Or, NT's don't have as much eye contact as I think they do. I'm good at following rules. I just wish there were rules to this type of thing: look into the eyes when greeting, look away for five seconds, look into the eyes for another 10 seconds, etc.
I took the test a while ago, so I don't remember my exact score, but it said I was most likely both an Aspie and an NT. It was exactly what I expected too. I never seem to quite fit in anywhere.
I'm still trying to figure this out. Do you have any pointers? I've been forcing myself to look people in the eye the entire time I'm talking to them or they're talking to me now, but it feels very strange. I'm wondering how often I should look away. It seems like they're a little uncomfortable with it too, but maybe I'm not reading them right. I, especially, noticed this with my kids. I never really thought of all of them as Aspie, especially the two who are extremely outgoing, but even they don't look me in the eye, most of the time, when I'm talking to them. Maybe, they're just not used to having me look in their eyes. Or, NT's don't have as much eye contact as I think they do. I'm good at following rules. I just wish there were rules to this type of thing: look into the eyes when greeting, look away for five seconds, look into the eyes for another 10 seconds, etc.
I took the test a while ago, so I don't remember my exact score, but it said I was most likely both an Aspie and an NT. It was exactly what I expected too. I never seem to quite fit in anywhere.
I don't really quite fit in anywhere, either. Maybe we need to start our own little planet somewhere.
I use the five to ten second rule and have noticed that there seems to be a natural point where people look break the eye contact but only for a moment. It is usually when they ask you a question or it is your turn to reply. I have also noticed that people seem to look at other parts of your face or hair or neck rather than always at your eyes. I noticed this because it makes me paranoid when their eyes wander to my the top of my head. I always wonder what they are looking at?
It takes a lot of practice and I have days when I really just don't feel like looking that closely at anyone so I don't. I sort of just glance at them enough to make them think I am distracted while I am talking to them. It really sucks that such a silly thing could be so important!!
(Oh, and remember to blink occasionally so your eyes don't start to water or they'll think your going to cry and that really screws them up!)
_________________
"It is what it is until it isn't. Then it's something altogether different."
I use the five to ten second rule and have noticed that there seems to be a natural point where people look break the eye contact but only for a moment. It is usually when they ask you a question or it is your turn to reply. I have also noticed that people seem to look at other parts of your face or hair or neck rather than always at your eyes. I noticed this because it makes me paranoid when their eyes wander to my the top of my head. I always wonder what they are looking at?
It takes a lot of practice and I have days when I really just don't feel like looking that closely at anyone so I don't. I sort of just glance at them enough to make them think I am distracted while I am talking to them. It really sucks that such a silly thing could be so important!!
(Oh, and remember to blink occasionally so your eyes don't start to water or they'll think your going to cry and that really screws them up!)
Thanks for the advice! I had to smile when you said that it makes you nervous when people's eyes start to wander to other parts of your face or hair. I was thinking the exact same thing, before I even read what you wrote!! ! If there's anything worse than looking someone square in the eye for a long period of time, it's having the feeling that they're picking me apart physically.
Unfortunately, my eyes water all the time. I was surprised to hear that most other Aspies are also sensitive to light. It's one of my main problems. There always seems to be something wrong with my eyes. When I'm talking to someone, they either ask me what's wrong with my eyes, or they look at me strangely. I can learn how to act normal in other ways, but this is something I feel powerless to change. My eyes water and squint involuntarily.
Yes, I agree that we (misfits) should start our own little planet. I guess WP is about as close as we'll get. I'm, actually, fairly high functioning, I guess; but I haven't had a really close friend since I've been an adult. Everyone I talk to is, technically, only a relative or acquaintance. I do have one friend who doesn't exactly fit in those two categories, but I just realized that I haven't seen her in almost a year now. We've exchanged a few emails and talked on the phone once or twice in all that time, so even she's more of an aquaintance now. I'm really bad at making friends (not acquaintances), but even worse at maintaining a friendship.
I have no real friends in the usual sense. I have one lady that I met when my daughter was in preschool and found out that we both have Crohn's disease and run dayhomes. She phoned me everyday but I realized a few months ago that she only phones to complain about her life. She has never asked me about mine. I don't know why I still talk to her.
My only other friend has been my "friend" since we were 15 and she only seems to call when she has problems, as well. My boys were dx'ed with AS in February and even she though drops her daughter off at my house everyday she has never asked me how we are.
I think that is why I am rather obsessed with this site. The people here actually seem to care about one another and you can vent all you want. If no one cares they can just skip over the post and you don't get "Well, let me tell you what happened to me ......."
Back to the eye subject. Every now and again I get the urge to cross my eyes or roll them around just to see what kind of reaction that would get! Or be like Johnny Depp in "Pirates of the Caribbean 2". In one scene he has eyeballs drawn on his eye lids so when he closes his eyes, it looks like he has these funky staring eyes. That would fix the eye-contact mongers!!
_________________
"It is what it is until it isn't. Then it's something altogether different."
My only other friend has been my "friend" since we were 15 and she only seems to call when she has problems, as well. My boys were dx'ed with AS in February and even she though drops her daughter off at my house everyday she has never asked me how we are.
I think that is why I am rather obsessed with this site. The people here actually seem to care about one another and you can vent all you want. If no one cares they can just skip over the post and you don't get "Well, let me tell you what happened to me ......."
Back to the eye subject. Every now and again I get the urge to cross my eyes or roll them around just to see what kind of reaction that would get! Or be like Johnny Depp in "Pirates of the Caribbean 2". In one scene he has eyeballs drawn on his eye lids so when he closes his eyes, it looks like he has these funky staring eyes. That would fix the eye-contact mongers!!
Do those "friends" ever ask you to go shopping or to a movie, etc.? Also, are they someone you feel comfortable calling to talk about your problems or happiness? That's sort of how I judge whether or not someone is a friend. I did have a lady who I did those things with a few times, but she started to get on my nerves, because she was so judgemental of everyone. I know I'm not someone who can afford to be picky, since it's so difficult for me to get past being just an acquaintance; but I should at least like the person. There was also an old friend who reappeared in my life, but in that case I was probably the one being judgemental. She was extremely wild, having kids by several different men, couldn't hold down a job, etc. Then, like your friend, she would call to complain about how horrible her life was; but didn't want to hear my advice about changing and settling down, because she thought my lifestyle was safe and boring. In a way, she was judging me too, for not having "fun", like her. Now, the lady I haven't seen in a year is a nice caring person, but she's so incredibly religious that every one of our conversations eventually get around to her quoting scriptures from The Bible. Since I know she would freak if I told her that I don't believe The Bible to be divinely inspired, I have to nod and pretend to believe that her advice is helping. Since she's so well meaning, she's the best of the bunch. Then, there are groups of moms who sometimes include me, out of politeness. If they break up into car groups, though, I'm the one left scrambling for a ride. That's why I take my husband whenever possible. He's really been the best friend to me, all these years, even though even we don't have a ton of things in common, other than our kids.
Yes, that would be funny! I haven't seen all the Pirates movies, but I've seen a commercial with the painted eye lids. Wouldn't that be great?
No, they like to go to bars and house parties which I don't do. I tend to hang out with my husband and my kids mostly. He is going for his AS diagnosis in June and he is not social, either. And I go to knitting club so there are women there that I have something in common with and they tend to not go out much, either. At one point, I did try talking to other mom's at school but they are so judgemental that I just avoid them. I don't want to be a part of the gossip squad.
_________________
"It is what it is until it isn't. Then it's something altogether different."
nobodyzdream
Veteran
Joined: 23 Apr 2007
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,267
Location: St. Charles, MO-USA
I took it a while back, scored 172/200 on Aspie traits (wrote that one down)
son closed my browser before I got a good look, but I'm pretty sure I landed at about a 26/200 on NT traits. (I can visually see it, if my memory serves me correctly I should say) *no wonder my bf is always so confused by me
I land a 43/50 on the AQ test as well.
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