Looks like heading towards some diagnosis, after all...

Post Reply New Topic

Thanks.
I don't know, she really struggles socially and shows obvious sensory issues and hyper-focus... but she knows the expected answers about emotions and interactions.
I'm horribly anxious because I've experienced results of a wrong psychiatric diagnosis myself. I'm scared of the possibility, which puts me on constant high-adrenaline Fight-of-Hide mode :/

I'm right there with you.

I am very expressive and have coached my inexpressive daughter in these things since she was little. I am very focused and have coached my hyper focused daughter since she was little (when requested nicely she can switch nicely). I think where it would show for us is that we could recognize the expressions but all our reasons would be sensory or object-oriented and rarely social. Why is the girl happy? She found a bird! Why is the boy sad? He stepped on a LEGO. Why is the woman satisfied? She completed a 5,000 piece puzzle. Why is the man dissatisfied? The house is a mess. LOL

My NT husband said he's already learned a lot from my studies of ASD and is not worried about the Truth of actual diagnoses (for me and my daughter). He said he now has more patience with our poor EF and even my NT son's hyper-sensitivity. But then as you point out there's the System to contend with. Similar to you (I gather), I passed (along with my Aspie-like sister -DX dyslexia) all the way through high school (at a high cost) and afterwards was when we crashed. The snowball effect starts at birth.

I was trying to explain to the teacher than my daughter's above-average verbal score indicated a problem. Really.

Thanks, I'm a bit dizzy after all this, not really able to post coherent thougths...

Passing for normal until breakdown in adulthood seems typical for female Aspies.
Well, I've learned to mask not only my social confusion but also pain-like sensory issues and reoccurring depressions. When it all finally collapsed, I got misdiagnosed, given treatment that only made everything worse and whatever I said was used against me because I was believed to have delusions.
Lucky to get out of this but it was narrow escape.

I'm really stressed imagining the same may happen to my daughter. I want to prevent it so much but what if I'm pushing it all the wrong direction?!?

Take your time. Recover. No rush here. I took a day off work to prepare for my assessment.

Did we really "mask" that well? The top four adjectives in my yearbook are: smart, unique, strange, nice. Actually the most used word was "special", but what the heck does that mean? Special nice? Special weird but endearing?

I was surprised that during the worst year of my life, I was "always smiling" and "cheery" and provided great "comfort" to others. I recall being lonely and miserable. My NT dad had a rough year in high school and his pictures that year show it.

Feel you about diligence which borders on "awfulizing" (but by gosh it WAS awful for us). By all teachers' accounts my daughter is doing very well, but I see "hints". Given every Aspie female I know (my family and friends are heavy on female Aspies) has been through the ringer, it's hard to impress teachers with my concerns without seeming unreasonably anxious.

Just thinking, a friend of mine had a daughter who's heart was failing... her daughter (age 5) would run around, all happy, occasionally cranky and otherwise "normal"... and occasionally her lips would turn blue. A (qualified) doctor would have known immediately the severity of the situation, but others... not so much. They'd think "that's odd" or "she must have had a blue lollipop".

So, hoping we find someone to help us decipher symptoms and severity.

Rationally, I know I need to recover.
But waiting is the worst... what if she gets recommended for medication? What if her catlike behaviors will get directed to be "extinguished"? What if all the recommendations she gets did not help at all? What if I am left alone with my daughter and her struggle, with no allies to help and those supposed to help only making more harm?

I can be strong but only for limited time. I desperately need allies.

Are there autism advocacy groups in Poland?

Probably your best ally might be a sympathetic teacher or therapist who has advanced knowledge of autism.

I’m sometimes a kitty in the subway

Yes, Uncertainty is difficult. Easier said from 1,000s mi/km away, than done: You got this. If these results are "positive" or "negative" or "inconclusive", you got this. You will manage. I can tell you are capable. Your care for your daughter will go far for her in the face of adversity. In fact, you facing adversity with her is Important.

If needed you find a different expert b/c your instincts are valid, especially for the catlike behavior - as we know, one does not "extinguish" that - one pays attention, responds, guides. And likely sensitivity for meds in general, etc. (There's a book about that related to kids, if you haven't read it.)

In one of the memoirs I read (Autism in Heels?), the author talks about advocating for her daughter -- she even received a child abuse call for "shopping" doctors (concern she was leaving "reasonable" care rather than *finding* reasonable care). In the end, she was commended for saving her daughter's life (isn't hindsight lovely?). We will find the line between advocating and letting go (and forgive ourselves for slight mishaps). Really. And it's not easy. As you know, it's worth it. Despite that it's daunting, I imagine you will find resources and support.

I had a tough medical situation and the tougher it got the wider I had to make my support network. Not easy at all, doable. Worth it.

P.S. Sorry if a stepped over the uncomfortable feelings (in a big way). Yes, feel the feelings, observe the concerns... completely reasonable: fear, anxiety along side courage, hope...

I'm not so great at sitting my feelings, so again sorry if I missed that step.

Doing my best here.

Magz use all the tools you have to keep yourself calm, if it's possible get a second opinion when you get the final diagnosis. Well done that you are doing the best for your daughter, some time soon it will be calmer for you all I hope.

Done.
Now I have it on paper, with all the stamps and stuff. She's Aspie.

The doc seems to understand it, including the specifics of girls on the spectrum. She says, my daughter's outlooks are good, she is capable of learning acceptable behaviors in social situations but she needs significant help with dealing with stress not to spiral down into anxiety.

The doc didn't tell me much I wouldn't have known before but it's good, it means we agree.

That's very good, Magz. I'm sure you feel a sense of relief.

Congrats on reaching the bureaucratic end of this journey, magz. I know how stressed and triggered you have felt throughout this long process. Now your little kittygirl can rest assured that people understand. I'm so glad that this diagnostic ordeal is behind you. Don't forget to rest and take care of yourself now, because rebound anxiety can still be quite intense. Be good to yourself. You're an amazing mama bear!

Thanks.
I wish it was the end of the bureaucracy - but now there is a lot of paperwork in different institutions to obtain support. But at least I know what I can count on. And now I know a child psychiatrist I trust.

Now in bed. My respiratory system still demands it. Thank you for your support.

Magz, I am so glad that *big* step is done. Congratulations for completing it. I think I need to get on it for my daughter also... there are three intake forms which I found daunting. How can they give an Aspie mom THREE forms to fill out? Of course I assume they are long and involved - I have yet to look at them. They could take 2 mins each (for an NT).

Next step done: after the diagnosis, there was an assignment or whatever it is called, to obtain the papers for school accommodations.
The paperwork should be done by Friday.
So, my child has spiky intelligence profile with non-verbal far superior over verbal; generally average intelligence with an exception of very superior working memory. All abilities and knowledge within the norm except for writing and it should be adressed ASAP; talent for Math and drawing.

Generally outlooks are good but if accommodations at "standard" school won't work, we should look for something more project-oriented. Homeschooling was suggested but when I mentioned that my health problems can render me unfunctional for months at any time, it was ruled out, stability is necessary. On the other hand, we could afford private ed for one child if necessary.

Phew.

Will you address the writing inside and/or outside of school? What accommodations would be made at school? (It was funny to me that **my** report recommended additional test taking time. Well, maybe I will go back to school.)

Interesting, I expect my daughter's eval would be similar (poor verbal, talent math and drawing). I am fortunate that our neighborhood public school is PBL (project-based learning). Years ago it was the pilot school for the program, and continues. Sadly the school gets lower standard test scores b/c of it (one factor of others), but it's a great fit for my daughter (and many others I suspect).

Wishing you well as you find what helps her thrive!