Aspie child and sexual intrest

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Siuan, just because he's a child doesn't mean he can't hurt others. The OP changed the story a bit about the "young cousin" so it's unclear just what happened to her. But we know that she was somehow molested and we know that his sister was sexually assaulted as well. We don't know the degree.

Don't be surprised that people are clamoring to protect the victims here. There is a reason why "social services" remove people from the house that abuse others. You don't know that he isn't a predator.

It's clear the boy hasn't been thoroughly trained that asking for sex from others is wrong. This is beyond "social cues", he is out of compliance and hurting people.

I agree, but we don't know if his behavior is predatory or just really musguided. Young children are quite capable of causing serious harm to other children; it's just not real clear what's going on, so I would hesitate to come down so harshly on the boy until they know for sure. I do agree though that the other children need to be kept safe so that nothing harmful happens. I also agree that the toddler's parents should be notified of what happened. I would be beyond pissed if someone kept that information from me.

As usual, I disagree. Background. We make most sexual predators. There is a good deal of scientific evidence (google Magid). But before you call someone a predator, especially a young child, you have to take into account that underlying a real predator is an Anti Social Personality Disorder (see the DSM). That diagnosis is not applied before the child is 18.

There are a lot of things that might be motivating the kid. Certainly, explore them with a psychiatrist, but you find that most of the "authorities" haven't read the literature, don't know anything about sexual predators, and if anyone wants to slap that label on him, I'd go looking for a good lawyer.

Kids do a lot of things including bullying other kids, that are socially unacceptable. I'm not even sure that in a young child, a sex drive has developed yet. That takes a certain physical maturity.

Someone, I think it was "walkintherain" on this board said "yeah, well if you had a zero tolerance policy, the other kid would be down in the office too!

Unless certain conditions existed (and you have to see a psychologist about that, because the conditions that make a sexual predator are well known) you've got a curious kid who doesn't realize that he's breaking a social taboo. But most Aspies aren't very good at that realization.

Take action, but don't get too upset.

Luck.
Beentheredonethat

Actuallly, he's following the modeling on the Internet. That's not healthy. In a lot of things, not just porn. Take the computer away for a good long time. Kids aren't born perverted. Social Services don't have any answers (they often make things worse). From your description, he's imitating behavior he sees on the internet. Which is normal. (the imitation, not the content). You need to be proactive and get the kid to a psychologist or a psychiatrist. But I agree with a lot of the other posters here. Giving him the talk is not the answer. You're competing with a much more powerful force in the internet, just like competing with the tube. Another answer, which is a little complicated, most network boxes have provisions that allow you to restrict traffic to only one site. Find out the School's IP address, and set it up so that the only address he can get to is the school's IP address. This need not effect other machines on your network. Then, it doesn't matter what comes in an e-mail. He can't get out to get there.

Luck,
Btdt

just deborah2002 Says: this is going to be unpopular...but what about allowing your pre-teen son access to porn if he seeks it out? He is seeing quasi-porn everywhere anyhow...commercial tv, music videos, advertising...and as an early sexualized person, he appears to use this as an outlet. Just demand that he respect the rule of privacy...only self-gratify in private. If he chooses to deal with his sexual needs in a reasonable manner (meaning privately) , with an acceptable form of stimulation (and not turning to abusive, harmful ways of seeking stimulation like peeping, animal cruelty, or abuse), then give him the privacy he needs to develop into a healthy adult.

Silver Meteor Says:
It is illegal to permit a minor to pornographic material. In fact it is grounds for being required to register as a sex offender. I don't know if permitting a minor unlimited access to the internet falls under this category. Maybe someone could clarify this.

Absolutely positively no way. If my child was accessing dirty websites, I would take immediate action on the account so that these kinds of websites are blocked. This type of stuff may be permitted for a mature adult but it's harmful to an immature pre-teen.

I can understand that pornography is harmful - particularly if uncontrolled/unexplained.

If you want to take that away from him, you need to remove the computer. Porn comes from the internet and from friends via USB sticks etc.. Net Nanny won't help you. You could consider putting the computer in the kitchen/family room.

Of course, you'd also have to check his bag for magazines, follow him before and after school etc...

In short, you can't effectively remove a teenager from porn if they want access to it. The same goes for drugs, alcohol etc...

I think the best bet is to sit with him and let him drive for a bit (talk to him about his internet history and possibly visit a few sites with him - perhaps a same-gender person (father) should do this. Explain a few things, ie: These people are models, airbrushed etc... (otherwise he could be in for major disappointments with future encounters), also explain what is accepted and not accepted in society and what the repercussions are, Jail, Financial etc...

RE: Cousins etc... Kids will show their bits to other kids, that's normal. Going any further than that isn't. Seriously - no child should have the ability to lock their door.

You need to explain about his cousins and why it is dangerous. Leave nothing unsaid - explain that if he commits an offence, he will be up for child abuse and that it isn't a trivial thing.

Explain that masturbation is normal but that it should be done alone.

You'll probably also need to talk to his cousins.

gbollard, for most children, explaining why something is wrong and informing them of the possible consequences is not an effective deterrent. It's a good part of discipline, but (for all but the most stellar, obedient, good-natured kids) it can't be the only part.

Just because you can't catch it all doesn't mean you shouldn't try, or that the rules you lay down don't impact your child's development. Children that age should still not be left unsupervised for long enough to get into much trouble anyhow.

Quite right, it's a good idea to try - and certainly to discourage.

In my younger days, computer hacking was a pastime of mine. I now work in computers and my past experience serves me well. I have never seen a "retail" solution that is able to effectively block unwanted content from minors. So... putting Net Nanny on a computer and then assuming that your technological solution provides all the protection you need is folly.

My parents always encouraged us to "Drink and Smoke around us, instead of behind our back". To a certain extent, this should apply to pornographic material too. If you fly into a fit whenever you see it, then the child will hide it.

I agree that talking won't solve everything but it depends greatly on the case in question and the amount of talking that has already occurred. It has to be a starting point.

I'm hoping to find a happy medium between those two extremes. My parents were more the "fly into a fit" types (or ignore the behavior, depending), but out of four children, none of them smoked, took drugs, or drank underage. I think in this case my parents' no-nonsense approach helped instill in me a sense that those practices were simply unacceptable. Despite a very heavy amount of peer pressure, I didn't consider those options to be options, ever. However, on other issues I was too embarrassed and frightened to approach them when I could have benefitted from some help and guidance. The kids I knew whose parents threw them beer parties seemed more inclined to lie to other authority figures and break laws. Maybe their parents were just responding with a permissive style because the kids' temperaments were more rebellious to begin with, but to me it also seems possible that by welcoming illegal activities in their homes, the parents were teaching their kids that breaking the law is okay and "everybody does it". Granted, this is just my experience (and it seems that yours was different)... but it gives me pause.

Funnily enough, my sister and I never ever smoked and never drank to excess.

I've only been drunk a few times in my life (all of them in my mid 30s).

I was never afraid to ask my parents about anything. Although my it was difficult to ask my mother about sex things because she used to laugh so much about them.

I guess it shows that completely different parenting styles can still bring out the same desired results.

Does that mean that there's no right or wrong parenting style? or that it needs to be modified to suit the kids?

It does sound wrong but as some have said this boy is a child not a sexual predator. Most children engage in sexual play I remember being a kid and pretending to have sex clothes off with friends girls coincidentally (I am not gay). I felt embrassed about it later but as an aspie kid I like this bot probalby didn't understand the boundaries. Punishing him wont help either.

I doubt it. You could easily say I raised myself from the time I was 11. Ihad no rules, often went months at a time without seeing my father (the parent I lived with). - this was intentional on my part, I rearranged my sleeping each time he rotated shifts so I'd sleep while he was home, and be awake while he was gone. I'd go to a friend's house for a week without telling - no one noticed. I've never smoked, i've only drank once - I was 25 and I didn't even have a full beer. I've never skipped a class in college or a day of high school.

Wow... Congratulations on being such a good parent to yourself.

I think this pretty much clinches it. Some people have "naughty behaviour" built-in, some don't.

I'm sure there's an environmental component, ie: People raised in abusive settings often either grow up abusive, or marry abusive people but there's also a genetic factor.

Not that someone with alcoholic parents will necessarily be alcoholic because of their genes but rather that things in a person's genetic makeup have some influence on the type of person they are. People with a certain makeup are less likely to indulge in drinking/smoking behaviour.

I'd always thought that the nerdish component of aspergers would mean that most aspies would stay away from drinking/smoking, which is why this forum is so interesting.

I've always wondered if maybe the reason I wasn't interested was that my desire to read everything as a child resulted in my reading all about the potential horrible effects of longterm drinking/smoking before I reached the age where anyone would think it was something cool to do.

Yeah, I read heaps of articles in the Reader's Digest and other publications well before reaching high school age, so I knew about the side effects of long term drinking, smoking, and drug use.

Probably right...

I did read a lot of books on all kinds of subjects. Though knowing doesn't necessarily stop me.

Take my position on junk food for instance. I know how bad it is for you, but I love ice cream etc...