Had to remove our son from school today

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But it's normal for kids that age to say rude words. I would be more worried if they were regularly saying the f word and the c word. Some comedians make heaps of money with toilet humour so even some adults think it is funny.

I think that Sinagua's boy is trying to take responsibility for his life and doesn't know how. Also, any child who works that hard to get thrown out of class probably feels like he has a good reason. I know that I had good reasons that no one would listen to. I would be forced back into the abusive situations.

When I was eight years old, I was often in trouble for reading while in class. This is really a shame because reading made it possible to tolerate the boredom. I couldn't listen for an hour to something that it took me five minutes to read. It worked for me, also, to do a given assignment during class instead of taking home, and I remember at least one instance in which the teacher changed to waiting until the end of class to give the assignment so that I would have to do it at home, which was a waste of my personal time.

If we're talking about a boy who gets good grades but can't take the atmosphere, I think we need a way for him to be outside of attempts to control him. Hey, I couldn't stand most of my classmates and there was always someone who poked at me, whispered, or beat me up during recess. A boy who sits and quietly reads or writes is not disrupting class. I don't know if this would work with Sinagua's boy but it worked with me when they let it.

Pandora said

Funnily enough I've let him watch South Park and I don't put a lot of limits on his TV viewing. I don't use foul language much at home - in fact if I have to say FK and SH I use fornicate and defaecate instead - the theory being that those words were too unusual and large for him to pick up.

Also, if the school says that he's used those words, I know where they come from.

He swears very occasionally and it's either from movies/TV or from classmates.

Toilet words however seem to pass his lips constantly to the point where I think it's impacting on his learning/speech. I'm not offended by them but don't want him losing friends or education.

Gavin,

I can relate. My son, too, loves Simpsons, Family Guy, Austin Powers... He laughs hysterically at these shows as do I. He will try out some gross words/expressions..he'll almost say the word or say something that sounds just like it or "you son of a beep..." and he has had a fixation on the middle finger. I remind him "not appropriate" and he apologizes. He hasn't used profanity in school (once or twice in an unstructured free for all before care program which he no longer attends) but it's not an issue. I explain that he can't copy bad language. At eight, he seems to understand this.

He has a large vocabulary and most people are impressed with his ability to express himself in a very mature manner. He just referred to a scene I just had to see as absurd. He uses these words correctlly, too. I understand his desire to play with language as I am a word person myself. Let's face it, some crude expressions are simply funny (I have to admit it). We all have a macabre sense of humor. My son understands satire and gravitates towards it. Humor is our life force. It has served us well these days.


equinn

I have a fairly sick and gallows type humour at times and also find fart jokes hilarious. This might not be very ladylike but I very rarely laugh at anything so it is a bit of stress relief.

Most 7 year olds delight in saying rude words but if a child is saying them all the time, there is a slight possibility they might have tourette's syndrome. Suspect this if the child says they are trying not to say the rude words but don't seem to be able to help themselves.

I also think some teachers and parents get a bit too obssessed over their kids saying a few rude words (I don't mean you, gbollard, or any of the other parents here). It's usually a passing stage, but if kids get the idea that saying a rude word or two will shock the adults in their lives they then know what to do to wind them up in the future.

Earlier this year we were REALLY fed up with our son's school. The school seemed to be expecting us to deal with our son's behaviour. How could we do anything about our son's behaviour at school when we're not there? Our son is fine at home! We seriously considered changing our son's school. I enquired about spaces at the other local schools, but as they were all oversubscribed at that time we were stuck. We considered home schooling as an option too. In the end, between us (the parents) and the local special needs co-ordinator (who helps all the local schools with special needs children) we had to educate our son's school about Autism. We had to spell out for them that he isn't a naughty child, and there are reasons why he does certain things.

I think so many head teachers are ignorant of ASDs. They do not understand ASDs, and often don't seem to want to learn either. It really helped us having another professional on our side who could support what we were saying, and explain things. All the teachers at our son's school recently received training on ASDs, which will help when he moves class next year. Things have got better for us but it has taken time.

Last edited by collywobble on 16 Dec 2007, 6:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I agree that it is normal for kids this age to use toilet words, rude words, etc. However not to the extent that our son was. He was doing it all the time. Every sentence would include a reference to poo, bums, etc, all day long. I invited a couple of boys from his class back to our house after school on separate occasions. Yes, they too enjoyed talking toilet language, but after a while got bored of it. Whereas our son would not get bored of it, and would infact start irritating his friend (and us)! !! ! He was over the top, and did not notice when his friend or us were tired of it!

There is a limit. You can only let it go on for so long in the hope that it is a phase, and then you have to do something about it.

Collywobble,

You keep using past tense, like the problem you had with bad words is gone... is it?

If so, how did you achieve it?



What do you do when pointing to the rules doesn't stop them - or didn't this happen?

Thanks.

The problem with bad words has virtually gone. Our son relies on written rules for problem behaviour. He knows what is expected of him, and it helps if he can see the rules written, and he knows they are there all the time on the wall at home. If he starts using bad words again we can refer to them. The rules thing is something that has just evolved in our house. I just tried writing 2/3 down one day and pinned it on the wall, and it worked. I told him that I was going to write the rules down and they would be on the wall as a reminder. He agreed that this was okay. I asked him what he thought the consequence should be if he breaks the rules. (He always comes up with something much harsher than I would!) When he then breaks the rules, I refer to them on the wall and tell him he's breaking the rules. I say that if he breaks the rules again then he faces the consequences that he set! I appreciate that this might not work for others, but it works for us.

Our son often needs visual reminders as well as verbal, otherwise things go in one ear and out the other! However, the visuals have to be written. We have tried picture cards (PECS) as prompts but he sees them as an insult to his intelligence.

Thanks Collywobble, I'm gonna try some of those things.