Parenting my adult Aspie - I can't take it anymore

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He hits his mother. This is illegal criminal behavior. He is a danger to his mother and probably society. Parents shouldn't have to be forced to take care of adult children and especially not ones that hit them.

Not meaning to stray off the subject here...but Cockney can you check with your local city/county and see if they have a Dept of Economics Vocational Rehab program? I really don't know how things work in Canada. But here in US Voc Rehab sends an OT occupational therapist to my home once a week to help me with organizational skills. And yes this is even though I do work they still understand I'm having issues with home stuff, paying bills on time, not forgetting to do things. The OT is even going to go to the swimming pool with me...I guess to see if I am doing my physical therapy correctly. Or maybe she just wants a free pass to the pool. lol But either way its nice to have someone to do things with.

This is a good suggestion. I became a lot more aware of my personal hygiene after being teased relentlessly about it in high school.

Doesn't matter.

He's autistic.

It does matter. Autism is not a "Get out of jail free" card for people who cannot or will not control themselves. This is not an attitude anyone can afford, especially when we're in an uphill climb against the perception that we're incompetent and potentially dangerous. The best thing that can happen here is that he gets his own place, she has her own place and they finally have a good relationship. As it is now, if he doesn't kill her from stress he could beat her to death. This is NOT acceptable.

I could look into it.

Yes, this sick mother should not have to put up with a son behaving so badly. I agree with the idea of putting a lock on the computer to stop him accessing porn and also an STD lock on the phone. He also needs to be told how sick his mum is because otherwise he is simply living in a fool's paradise.

I don't know how high functioning this lad is, but if he's not high functioning, he might need to be in a group home because his mum simply cannot cope with the way things are.

Beau99, would you be prepared to befriend this young man and give him some advice about personal hygiene, being more considerate to his mum, and suchlike? I'm sure that would take some of the load off his poor sick mum.

Beau, I think you need to reread this bit:

The autism is a minor component of this boy's trouble. Much more worrisome are the untreated ADHD, which can indeed lead to violent outbursts (and apparently, meds are available - the patient simply refuses to take them), and the severe OCD. Both problems are treatable with medications - but the patient must be willing to take the meds. If not, it may become necessary to commit the patient involuntarily, for his own protection and that of society at large. It's not a wonderful solution, it's not something to cheer, it makes no one happy - but sometimes there simply aren't any alternative.

from what i understand, it's not that easy to get someone who is of legal age committed against their will......

It seem to me, that you're in a pickle.

But you can always kick them out on the street by having the police remove them much like they do people evicted from apartments. And change the locks so he can't get in. Then he has no choice but to go to his dad's or learn to fend for himself. They call it tough love, but sometimes its the best thing. It worked for me and I managed to learn how to survive.

Actually there is little evidence that ADHD medication will make somebody less violent long term in fact amphetamine like drugs are actually linked to aggregation. A number of homicides have been linked to this.

His aggression could be do to the fact that he has sensory integration issues. He sounds like he has bad executive dysfunction, which is a source of frustration. I'm not condoning it either. I think it needs to be addressed but I don't think much will be achieved by dealing out the same punishment.

I don't think it is a blame game. Heart attacks caused by stress also have other health factors involved. That is obvious. Any decent paramedic will tell you than the vast majority of people having a panic attack will not be at risk of a heart attack. In fact it is rather good for your heart to have a work out.

@OP I don't think you can deal with this because it is too risky for you so I guess you and hima are going to have to look for other arrangements.

I have OCD and ADD and I don't take meds either. Those drugs are bad news. My opinion, if he does start, he'll end up worse off.


I stand by my opinion and nobody will change it.

Autistics do not belong in institutions.

Beau99 I've been bitten by children with autism and children without autism....still hurts the same. I've taken care of children with mental health issues who were tortured by parents who had mental health issues.Should a person with mental health issues be allowed to run the streets and harm people???? No and most don't, those who don't are ok by me, same with people who have autism, I've had people with serious mental health issues teach sunday school at my church under my and my husbands supervision and they were great, but if they became abusive in anyway.....then noway could they teach, and I'm that way with anyone, same criteria, everyone is under my and my husbands supervision who come near our children. I have children to protect. And one time my husband and I had to release a woman who was mentally ill because she began to be verbally abusive with the children. I've had two autistic workers in my sunday school, Wonderful workers, but they are on the same criteria as everyone else. The kids come first...period. If you excuse abusive behavior just because a person is autistic, then you are implying thats what we should expect from people on that spectrum....are you nuts? And Beau if you had a child being abused by another child would you tell them to take it??? What if the bully was mentally ill or autistic? You'd force your child to take it? Bet you wouldn't.

Beau- what makes you think autistics aren't capable of displaying "bad behavior"? The traits of an NT brain can exacerbate a problem, and so can an autistic brain. This woman's son has major issues, and to just pass it off as her (or anyone else ) being a jerk is just not fair and is minimalizing the situation. She said she had a HEART ATTACK. What can she do to get her son to see the urgency of the situation? He will not change and her life is on the line.

Please present a solution. What other alternative does she have?

So even if he killed his mother during his next aggressive outburst, you don't think he should be jailed or moved to a group home/institution designed to cater toward autistic people?