hi ive not posted for ages, but really need some advice

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our 6 year old son has one to one supporters who are just mum's of NT kids. they do not understand him and are actually making things worse. i found that our son's behaviour got worse once he started having 1:1 help at school. we have just received a proposed 'statement' from the l.e.a. which i will be contesting, and one of the things i want to tackle is the issue of the support he is receiving. the headmistress says that his 1:1 support is adequate but i know that they are neither qualified or trained to deal with our son. surely our son has a right to proper support from fully trained/qualified people. it seems the school have taken the cheap and easy option of employing a couple of mum's (job share) and think that's good enough!

i am having similar problems to you. where do you turn to for help!? parents in the uk seem to be left to fend for themselves. i have found the national autistic society very helpful in the past. in our area there is also a 'parent partnership' service which is run by our local council which helps with issues for special needs children and schools. they offer advice and can attend meeting with parents and school to help resolve any issues. they are apparently very supportive of parents. it might be worth checking if you have such a service with your local council.

i have had exactly the same problems with kids telling our son to do things. e.g. one boy told our son to go up to another boy in the playground and call him "fatty" because the other boy will like that. so our son did! thankfully one of the lunchtime controllers saw what was going on and the other kid got into trouble. however there have been many occasions when our son has got into trouble because of other kids taking advantage of him. i think the only thing you can do in this situation is ensure the supervisors/teachers watch out for this, and be mindful that this happens. i have also spoken to our son about this sort of thing and the fact that other kids will try to get him into trouble. i think the only way it will sink in though is by him learning from experience. our son understands after the event, but you can't prepare them for every eventuality!

it's very upsetting. don't do anything rash about changing schools. your son is doing well academically so they're getting that right. have you had a meeting with the school head and told them your worries? tell them what you want them to do.

i have considered teaching our son at home myself. i could not afford a home tutor either. i think i am up to the job and if the worse comes to the worse at school, i would teach our son at home myself. you are perfectly within your rights to do this. however, i will absolutely exhaust every avenue with the lea before doing this.

does your son display adhd type behaviour at home as well? the reason for asking is that our son's school were suggesting adhd due to our son's impulsive behaviour at school, but our son is fine at home. in fact he does not show any violent behaviour anywhere other than at school. the reason for his behaviour at school is due to him not being understood and supported in the correct way at school. our son's outbursts are due to aspergers, not anything else. if your son is showing adhd behaviours at home and elsewhere then that's different!

These are my experiences: (my son is very autistic, despite being intelligent, and serverely impulsive without ADHD medication. Other children might need less autism specific help.)

We had unqualified one-on-one help for our son, at a normal kindergarten, and it just didn't work. He ran from one activity to the next, was very violent and impulsive, and was suffering so much he started pooing his pants. He stuttered, stimmed and was a nervous wreck!

It was quite a fight to get proper help - awful seeing my son getting worse and worse. The fight was worth it, as proper help - and good medication - means he has blossomed, is happy and has a great self-esteem. He needs people who know what they are doing!!

The interesting thing is, that he is easy to be around as long as the same strategies are used by all teachers/grown ups - in our case TEACCH. If people know what they're doing, they're are no problems!
TEACHH supplies visualisation (pictures are my son's "mother tongue", despite his good language skills) and predictibility.

He does much better when he is on his own with an adult. Other children - especially his 2 year old brother - are very unpredictable, and "mess up" structure .! ! It wouldn't be good for him to be at home with his baby brother all day.
Their needs are very different and often quite the opposite of each orther! On the other hand, time in the afternoon and evening with his brothers is good for flexibility and social skills.

He needs underlying structure, and activities 24/7 - meaning that we even had to teach him to play in his room or do other ativities on his own. So "playing on his own" is an activity, too.

In my experience AUTISTIC KIDS CANNOT FIND THEIR OWN RHYTHM.

Creating a rhythm and routine unleashes energy for more important things, like achedemic and social learning.
Creating a rhythem for them is huge part of making their lives bearable. IMO not helping an autistic child by creating a predictable structure verges on child abuse.

Have you looked into/read about sensory disorder?
My son is easily overloaded by sight, sound and smell, too, and it definately made him hyper (unmedicated: at best he would run in litttle circles, climb, knoc things over - at worst he would lash out.)
He is much better at verbalising his discomfort and withdrawing to a quiet place now. But he uses a lot of energy managing, and it takes its toll... can still make him meltdown.