"I'm BORED!! ! What am I going to do???"

Post Reply New Topic

He only has access to my computer three days a week. I discussed in another post something he uses to center himself, which is the shredded smelly remnants of an old pillow that makes me shudder when I see it. On the great advice I received here, that and his toy dinosaur are off limits as things to be taken away, so no worries.




The problem is poorly chosen words can have concequences once he gets out in the world. I want him to understand that while the concequences are extremely mild.

So what's your excuse that allows you to act like a disrespectful brat towards him?

Excuse you, but you are speaking from pure ignorance. And the worst thing about ignorance is its insistence. Characterizing giving him guidance, discipline, encouragement, and helping him understand what will be expected of him in an NT world as me acting like a disrespectful brat smacks of arrogance of the worst kind.

To sum it up, you have no idea what the HELL you are talking about, so quit while you are behind. Your cross posting on the general autism discussion reinforces this opinion of mine to the point cold hard fact.

Question for other parents: Do all Aspies think this way? That the world should bend over backwards for them and anyone who doesn't let them get their way all the time (for their own good) is somehow a "villain?"

I'm an aspie and I do not think parents should let their kids run wild and walk over everybody. In fact I think parents should never let their kids get their way all the time or else they grow up to be spoiled and when they don't get their way, they get mad because they aren't used to not getting their way. So if parents don't give in on their children when they are young, it will be a hell lot easier when they are older. I heard it's harder to teach kids when they are older so it's better to start when they are young or else it be real hard to teach them they can't always have their way. I find it real annoying when I see parents give in on their kids. Not only they got their child to shut up, they are teaching their child "if you don't get your way, embarrass your parents and they will give in."

But I must ask why is it a big deal for the kid to use your computer even though you aren't using it at the time?

It's different to kick him off when you need it.

This is what you're doing, you are taking away a self-calming item of your son's. Are you going to claim DW_a_mom is ignorant too? A child learns from how their parents behave. When you say "I don't like you spending time on your computer and you should get off of it, because I say so!" that teaches the child that behavior is acceptable. Discussing with the child about other things they make like to do, or listening to what they have to say about why they perfer the computer teaches them mutual respect.

As far as the cross posting goes, it seems like another case of pointing out a parent isn't perfect, and them going on a huge fit about how dare someone suggests what they say isn't the law, and that they don't know everything. As Dr. Phil likes to say, "This ain't my first rodeo". I also suggested on the other post that you and Spokane Girl PM and complain about me all you want. There's no need to drag out your clear resentment over me for telling you like it is in public.

Aspie kids don't think if they don't get their way all the time, the person is a "villian". They do however in most cases have a strong dislike of power imbalances, and I see a lot of that when it comes to parents who think they can raise a Autism Spectrum child autocratically, then come to these boards to vent about how it's not working. What we want is to be treated as equal human beings. It is upsetting for me to think a parent would tell their child to get off the computer, and seem to think that they are the sole owners of the computer and the other items in the house. It's like a little child running up and demanding their sibling stop playing with a toy cause it's "Mine!"

There also are many parents on here, who while they appreciate some of my insights regarding helping their children, also have learned to understand when I tell parents what they don't want to hear. They understand that my interests are in the child first, and the parent second. Most parents aren't used to being on a parents forum, where it isn't only other parents justifying their right to act as if they're the center of the universe, and have every right to lord over their child. Part of being a good parent, is to listen to all opinons, not just those that confirm their views of how to raise their child.

As I said to DW_a_mom, his self calming items are his shredded remains of a pillow and his stuffed toy dinosaur. I would NEVER take those away for ANY reason, ever. They are completely off limits.

And I hope he does learn from how I behave: rational, responsible, and sympathetic.

Billy and his mom don't live with me. They stay here on the weekends and holidays. He is a guest in my home. I have never said "I don't like you spending time on MY computer and you should get off of it because I said so!" If it is time to get off of the computer, I explain the reason. When he is here, there is an 8 hour time limit on the computer. There is plenty of other things for him to do, but there is one computer and I need it for work, which I sometimes have to use during the weeknd. When it is time to get off of the computer, I always give him a list of things to do instead, be it play with his DS, watch TV, play with his toys, or read a book. However, given the current situation of having one computer in the house that will run the high-end games he likes to play, like it or not, he has to share. If I didn't make him share, what would that be teaching him? It would be no different than ME not sharing my computer with him. He has to learn that there are other people in the world with whom he must live. Therefor he will not always be getting his way. This is an inarguable fact.


Again, you are wrong. You are reading into the posts something that isn't there and making it the subject of your attack. And you aren't telling us like it is. You are telling us like YOU see it, which is clearly wrong since you in many cases don't even seem to fully read the posts. Plus, you entirely misrepresent what I am saying here in a forum where others most likely wouldn't get a chance for a rebuttal.


In a situation where me, a 39 year old NT man, and Billy, a 9 year old AS child, there IS a power imbalance, as well there should be! I am the one with the life experience and the ability to look beyond immediate selfish wants, I am the one who works 50-60 hours a week to pay for everything in my home, and he is a guest in my home since his mom and he don't live here. Therefor, I make the rules in my home. This is they way life ALWAYS is. Society has power structures, and all people, NT and AS, need to respect that and live within it.

Your comparison is flawed, as yes, I am the sole owner of the computer. He is a guest here. I allow him 8 hours a day, fully HALF of a waking day, on the computer. That is EXTREMELY generous of me! If he behaves badly, after NUMEROUS warnings, I start taking away computer time.




Just because you tell parents what they don't want to hear doesn't mean it is right. I am here to learn and to ask for advice. I have received a LOT of very good advice, including from you, which I appreciate. In this case, however, giving Billy unlimited free access to the computer for the entire weekend that he is here would be destructive. At home, he has his own computer. However, it isn't powerful enough to run all of the games he likes to play, which is one of the reasons he likes to come over and play on my computer. But since he is a guest, he has to go by my extremely generous rules. I want him to be happy and well adjusted, but I don't want to sacrifice future development for short term harmony.

He is allowed to use it eight hours a day. Without limits, he gets a sense of entitlement. When he gets a sense of entitlement, it is difficult to get him off of the computer when I need to use it, when he needs to eat, when we need to go out, and when he needs to go to bed.

I want to help him realize that using other peoples' things, like my computer, is a privilege, not a right.

Sympathetic? Are you kidding me? Being sympathetic would be truly understanding that he does not have access to things he enjoys at his home, that he does at your house and respecting them. Being a big boy, and saying you know for what little time he has here, I'm going to let him enjoy himself. Find something else for you to do, frankly for all the complaining you have for him being "obsessed" with the computer, you seem to be showing the same behaviors yourself. Instead of stalking around the house and going "Mine! Mine!" and declaring everything that's yours is off limits to him.

He says he shares his computer with him but there is a time limit.


Read his response to my post:

8 hours is a lot. He explains why he limits it. It's hard to get him off when he needs to eat, go out, and go to bed if he gets a sense of entitlement, whatever that means. I assume attached, addicted.

No, that would be letting the inmates run the asylum. One thing you seem to not be able to get through your head is that HE IS ALLOWED TO USE THE COMPUTER FOR MORE THAN HALF OF THE TIME HE IS AWAKE!! ! That is PLENTY of time!! ! MORE than plenty of time!! ! But he has to learn that life isn't all about getting what he wants all the time. He is going to have to be on his own and support himself someday. This is a fact. He needs to learn the lessons now so he doesn't waste his life being a burden on other people when he is older, or worse yet, if something were to happen to his mom and I, end up on the streets. This is most likely what would happen if I were to follow your poor advice on the subject.


Okay, you obviously aren't reading the posts. I suggest you go back and do so before you make yourself look like even more of a fool than you already have.

Well why don't you explain to me, what it is that I've been missing.

I give him 8 hours a day on the computer, which is more than half the time he is awake. Giving him a time limit makes it easier to get off when it is time. If I don't give him a time limit, he sometimes has a meltdown when he has to get off to eat, go to bed, etc. Giving him a time limit has NOTHING to do with me wanting to use it. I use it during the week while he is gone and after he goes to bed. But him using it 100% of the time he is up isn't good for him. 8 hours a day is plenty for him to use it. 90% of the time when he takes a break, he is fine now that we have implimented the time limit. He LOVES his DS, his toys, his books, TV, his leggos, etc. In fact, I remember one time when he played the computer all day before we put in a time limit, when it was time to go to bed he had a meltdown because he hadn't gotten to play his DS all day and he missed his favorite show.

The main reason I limit his computer time is because it is for his own good to learn that there are limits in life. In the past, he hasn't been taugh this. When he is older, he is going to have to have a job and take care of himself. It is better that he learns about limits, authority, and concequences for negative behavior now than when he is older and might lose his job or get thrown in jail for it.

I'm sure he's learned by himself from the experience of spending too much time on the computer that he ran out of time to play his DS, that there needs to be moderation in things. As far as I know, I have yet to hear of a child who grew up and ended up in jail, because he was having too much fun at home.

unfortunately, i've found that setting limits works differently for each of my children.....my NT child understands limits, and will carry over information from one setting to the next, from one instance to the next- ie; if he only has 30 minutes on the computer, then he will spend that time & then get off. if that was the amount of time we'd set for him, he'd follow through with our wishes consistently.........now, as for my aspies- hah!.......son will fight for every second , every time. he's gotten better over the years because we are consistent & calm with our consequences- no screaming, no arguing, no debating. initially, he'd argue, scream, & debate. we replied calmly & consistently and the behaviors diminished. he's been able to comply to our wishes from one instance to the next ( this took a tremendous amount of time to overcome- i'm talking years).......daughter is still in fight mode. we are continuing to be consistent and calm, but she doesn't seem to capture the idea that our rules won't change from one time on the computer to the next time on the computer. although our methods haven't changed, she still does not seem to "get it".

No, he didn't learn. It was a reoccurring situation until we set limits, then it never happened again.

I know a number of people who were overindulged as children. They ended up with a sense of entitlement and were never able to put in the time and effort it took to strive for anything worthwhile in their lives. They bounce between minimum wage jobs and are burdens on their parents. They are embittered and feel like they have somehow been screwed out of some birthright. Unfortunately, one of these people is my brother (I was adopted out of the family and he is still with our biological mother). Mom never set limits for him. He is now miserable. I want better than that for my girlfriend's boy.

I see now where you are coming from. All kids who are entitled don't grow up to be ungreatful spoilt brats. My family has money, and I don't have to work. I don't act like I'm entitled to video games, and I respect that we're fortunate to be able to afford all the things we can. If it was necessary for me to get a job I would. It's not like I'm out buying trendy handbags and and clothing, and waltzing around like some kind of Paris Hilton. Although there are a lot of girls I knew in high school, and see around here who are like that. So I can understand that can get obnoxious.

Now video games do give you a sense of learning how to achieve something over time, and that you can't get whatever you want when you want. Of course, this all depends on the amount of parental assistance with the game, or if there are cheat codes being used. For me I feel that video games have helped me understand the process of achieving goals over time. You're free to have your own opinon on the matter.

The reason I got upset with you is I do see parents on here who disallow their children access to things that would appeal to Aspies like computers and video games, in hopes that they'll find more NT interests and become more NT. So I tend to react when I see parents who appear to be that way on here, because how I see it it's like taking their joy out of their child's life, just to make themselves feel more satisfied with their kid becoming "normal". I understand now you're coming from a totally different perspective I never considered before, and I apologize for that.

I'm just trying to help the other parents on here understand the extent to how upsetting it is to Aspies when they take something away from them as a punishment. That it does feel like a deep betrayal and injustice to them, and while NT kids may get over it after awhile. Aspies will remember that sense of betrayal and feel insecure in their home. I've gotten flack on here for saying taking a child's toy, video games, computer away from them is like being stolen from. It really doesn't seem to do anything but make an Aspie child feel their parent is being hypocritical, by placing rules on their child that they wouldn't want enforced on themselves. It's like the Golden Rule, treat others as you'd want to be treated. Nobody likes feeling that they have to be on guard all the time, to make sure their belongings won't be taken from them.

Now some parents might say, "Well they should learn that only happens when they're bad". I don't think that's of much consequence, it might seem rather primitive and eye for and eye, but some Aspie children might see this behavior and say well then they should be able to steal from their parents. This is why I was so strong about conveying to you that how you behave, will tell your son perhaps he can behave that way too.

What works with Aspie kids is what works with adults, reasoning. Explaining why there needs to be discipline, why there should be moderation. Aspies feel from sometimes a young age that everyone is treating them like they're stupid, when they're really smart. Discipline can sometimes feel this way too, like the Aspie child might be thinking "I'm not a animal, you explain to me why this is bad for me, and I'll listen. Locking me in a room, is like punishing a dog for making a mess, by locking them in their cage." A good example of how this feels is the episode of Spongebob called I'm With Stupid, where Patrick convinces Spongebob to pretend to be stupider than him, because he's tired of his parents treating him like he's dumb.

I hope this has helped explain my views to all of you. There have been cases on here where I have seen parents who are far too concerned about their own desires, and consider those before their child, and try to claim the problem is their child instead of how they're viewing things, and act like they're a victim of what is happening. That's what I mean by martyr parents. I am not seeing this in Jimbeaux's case.

I'm learning a lot from this too, and hopefully this will help me should I ever be in the position in trying to explain to another parent how to help their Aspie or Autie child.