Kids say the darndest things

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I think my guy watches too much TV. He keeps saying, "I have POCD." After a while I realized he was repeating a COPD medicine commercial. Good thing he didn't get stuck on a Cialis commercial...

(4 year old son with autism) "There's a thousand dollars in the crackers!" (While spinning and holding a handful of crackers.) -- Almost everything he says is is hilarious and only half of it ever makes any sense.

My daughter, age 4, freaked out in a public restroom a few weeks ago. A larger woman came in and went into a stall. My daughter started shouting, "Mommy! She's not going to fit! Mommy she's stuck! HELP HER!"

Oooooooh yeah.... I shouted an apology, clamped my hand over her mouth and got the heck out.

We were waiting for chinese takeout one time when my DS was around 4 and this white haired older black gentleman came in. My son was just staring, then pulled me close and said "Is he a gorilla?" I wanted to sink into the floor. Then the nice gentleman smiled really big and said "No, son, I am not a gorilla." Thank god for people not easily offended.

I'm not a parent but I'm a childcare provider. This morning when I was walking the children to school, the little girl I take care of said to me, "I know why they sing "Oh Canada" before sports games. It's kind of like praying just in case they die."

This was all because we were talking about how her younger brother goes to see car races with their grandpa. I couldn't help but smile a bit after she said that.

One of my daycare children asked why her raspberries had hair on them. I didn't know what she meant until I realized that she meant the little skins on the raspberry that looks like hair. I had to laugh about that one. I explained it to her, it's almost like she didn't believe me at first.

I was thinking about a t-shirt I saw once that said, "Duh-nu-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh...BATMAN" and I apparently was murmuring it under my breath without realizing it, because my 3 YO son began screaming it at the top of his lungs and laughing.

"Wow, Grandma, " (putting his little 5-year old skinny arm down next to hers), "My arm is thin, but look how fat your arms are." (Classic little Aspie)

A couple of days ago daisy was relaxing in her room (we had done a bedroom makeover for her 11th b'day), and all of a sudden pops out with:

"Mom, I just LOVE my ovulating fan!"

...it's still cracking me up..as soon as she realized what she had said (because I was about to fall off the bed I was laughing so hard) she says "oscillating, I meant OSCILLATING..I KNOW fans don't have eggs". Of course that segued into how funny it would be if fans did ovulate and she had little baby fans all over her room. Gotta love it.

So, this is not really funny, but I thought it was insightful and accurate.

We (me, my hubbie, my daughter and my son with PDD-NOS) were watching an old episode of Sliders on Hulu (TV show where people are caught jumping from one alternate universe to another). On this episode, the women were in power and the men had been made to be less than men. Kind of women's rights in the 50's in reverse. In the end, the male character was running for mayor, and he thought he would get out of the election by crying on camera. Instead, it won the hearts of the people, because of his womanly sensitivity. Now I am not here to dispute the inaccuracies or the merit of the TV show, instead I just wanted to set up for my son's comment. My son, who is very sensitive, prone to anxiety and has problems controlling his tears, proudly said the following after viewing the show:

"On that world, maybe I could be President."

This broke my heart in so many ways. Here is my son who supposedly doesn't get social cues, supposedly doesn't have empathy, realizing that he is very different from others and it limits him in this world, that it makes it harder to be accepted, and somehow he seems to others as less of a male.

When I had about 3-4 years, I asked my mom: "Does the toy see me?" I really wasn't sure, specially after all this play-acting that mom liked to do.
Other times I wondered if these impossibly bright and colourful fish (neons) in aquarium are artificial.

There's more but I forgot. I don't know why, but my parents deemed such questions adorable and worthy of writing them down and reminding them at family opportunities.

But as for something embarrassing, one day in nursery school there was a social event, Grandparents day or something like that. It was around 4-5 years. I don't remember what the program was, but in the end we were supposed to go to our grandparents seated on a bench in a row and hug them. Kids went to their grandma or grandpa and hugged them. I had only grandma in attendance (grandpa was kind of crazy, wary of people's cooties because of his OCD). And I was there with my older brother. We went together and he was faster, hugged grandma first. So instead of waiting or something I chose a surrogate grandfather, some oldster who sat just next to my grandma and hugged him instead.
Mission accomplished

When I was a kid, we were eating hot dogs at the dinner table and my Dad told me to eat with my mouth closed. I then wondered how I was supposed to get the food in. I was too scared to ask, so I attempted to force it in without opening my mouth and got smacked for being a smart aleck.


I'm now the Dad, and I tell my sons to chew with their mouths closed...

So, my 6 y/o mildly autistic daughter says to me "Mommy, I never want to get married." So I asked her why and she said "I don't want to have surgery."

Huh?

Turns out she heard some people talking about a cesarean section and so she decided she didn't want to have a baby. So I told her you don't have to have a baby when you get married.

She gets the most puzzled look on her face and says "Well, if you don't get a baby when you get married, how do you get a baby?"

I'm totally not up for the conversation, so I tell it's complicated and I'll tell her when she is a little older.

She got really mad and said "Mommy! I have a very large vocabulary!" She was so offended because she thought I was saying she wouldn't understand the words! LOL!

My son has just started saying, apropos of nothing, "Those darn vampires!"

I don't know what your son was thinking of but he's still polite.
When one grows older, the vocabulary can get more gross:?

My daughter who has never been into dolls has recently grown attached to a stuffed bunny. She was putting clothes on it calling it Ninja. I asked why she named it Ninja and she said "because rabbits kick really well! Don't you know that?"