How do you parents cope with the constant sadness?

Post Reply New Topic

Oh lord, TV! Oh that it didn't exist. My daughter LOVES TV! The current trend is an unhealthy fascination with law and order s v u...but she likes any crime drama. She also likes shows with sometimes inappropriate adult humor. The psychologist said tv provides a set schedule and that's one reason why she likes it and gets upset when a show is interrupted by something else. Like when Oprah was interrupted by a weather report she cried. I've actually talked to her about her viewing habits recently. She said in response, "I don't think you know how big a deal school is." we were discussing hour doing more outside and more social activities rather than watching tv. I think she means it takes ALL her social prowess to get through a week and at home she wants to relax and be passive.

So yes, she has interests, but yes tv overviewing is a problem.

Yeah, I imagine as the parent said above, it is different dealing with an adult as a sibling than a parent child relationship.

We used to be no tv during the week...but I found as she got older my total control of media want so good. So now she has freedom to watch after homework, but she sometimes goes overboard and then she gets a talk. This past time we simply added together the number of hours she watched...having a number helped.

But this isn't really about the tv....seems more about you wanting her to want something more for herself...and right now she doesn't. That is sad. Perhaps for her as well.

She is now in a violin lesson one night a week...and yes she does like the computer. This spring I cracked and bought a wii. We must have been the last family without any gaming. I played one at Christmas and felt like this would be good 'fun' interaction for us. We do have fun playing together. She used to play a lot outdoors but now that's not something she chooses. But that's kind of what we talked about, less tv, more other things.

I don't really know for sure how to approach this since my son is still very young (almost 5) Somedays, when he comes home from school, he wants to watch a lot of videos. Somedays, I give in, but lately have been negotiating with him that he has do something else first before he can have another video.

I realize this is a bit tougher with an adult. Maybe try to sit down and come up with a list of anything that remotely interests her, and then maybe have her try 1 new thing per day. (or every other day anyway) just to get her off of the tv for a little bit.

Or maybe give her at least one or two chores that have to be done before she can watch any tv at night.

I wish I could help more, I know this is hard for you.

I admire you for what you are doing.

I am going to have to agree with your daughter. You have no idea how exhausting simply being in school is. Just let the poor kid come home and relax watching TV.

If they are doing nothing but staying home and watching TV all day long every day (as is the case with the unemployed sibling) then I can see the need to get something else going on. But when a child is putting forth 8 hours of work each day to put up with school then the least you can do is let them relax and unwind when they get home. Unless of course your trying to make them into a nervous wreck.

Perhaps you would see what I am talking about if you read this post:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt105468.html

Oh, I hadn't considered that the OP was talking about someone who was in school or working, and then coming home to unwind via TV. I must have mis-read that. My apologies.

Doing nothing, ALL DAY, but TV is not helpful. Comfortable, maybe, but not helpful. I would strongly discourage it - use the TV as a carrot at the end of the day, if needed.

Coming home after dealing with the insanity outside the four-walls of one's home and retreating into TV isn't all that awful. I used to come home, for many years, and immediately put headphones on and listen to my LP Albums, for hours, every night. (Didn't own a TV.) Sometimes the same side of the same album for hours. It allowed me to go to my "happy place" and unwind, and face the challenges of the next day. I am older now, and don' t need to do that anymore, but I did use it for decades as a coping mechanism.

When it comes down to it, we all - one way or the other - have to find a way to make life tolerable. If bad TV is it, then bad TV is it. Perhaps a subscription to TV Guide for Christmas and thank God it's not Whisky?

DenvrDave wrote:
schleppenheimer wrote:
Honestly, I want to know how you all deal with feeling sad about your child and the difficulties that they face -- How do you deal with it all?


Sometimes I just have myself a good ole cry.

Very well put, sometimes a good cry does a world of good. And you just have to give in to it. The stress it releases is wonderful even if it feels so draining. Maybe best done at bedtime so sleep can come afterwards?


Also, maybe this will be some good, oh what would the word be? Shoot, can't think of it, but I want you all to know that a group I belong to on Yahoo Group called Portland Aspergers Network went on a field trip yesterday. ENCOURAGING! That is the word I was looking for, sorry, now to get back on track, we went on an Independent Housing Tour. This was an apartment complex set up for disabled persons of all types. It was WONDERFUL! The complex we toured had 3 buildings of one and 2 bedroom apartments. These apartments were set up with kitchen, bathroom with stackable washer and dryer, bedroom, livingroom, and diningroom. It was a safe environment. The residents has to apply to live there. There are rules to live by. They have resident meetings.

Maybe there is something like this for your children in your hometowns when they get older? If not, start one. They are going to outlive us and need a safe place to live. I was so impressed with this place. They are trying to find more land to put up more. I don't live in Portland but am trying to see what can be done or has already been started where I live.

That sounds like a great set up. We have many years before we are faced with this, but it is good to know that these places exist.

One think that helps me a lot is to write a journal or blog. It does feel really good
to get the frustration off your chest. Actually I think I saw a blog section even on this site.
Or if you want something more private use Open office or Word and write out your thoughts.
Or even the good old paper and pen. Personally I just think better on a computer.
But most important remember to write down the positive things also. You will need them
later, when it feels like to much.

Also I use quotes a lot. I read about people that I admire , write down things that really
resonate with me. My favorite of all times that gets me through a lot days is one by
Henry Ford.. You think you can or you think you cant, your usually right..

and my little buddy the little engine that could..
I think I can I think I can, I knew I could , I knew I could.

Good to have a mantra to stop those worry thoughts in their path sometimes.

You might want to check out this book too..

How to stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie Lots of really good information in there.

And no what I suggested wont end worrying and feeling bad, it happens forgive yourself , just starts
to happen less. Hope you feeling better soon.

I'm there...it seems that some days worse than others...

Sometimes my son will say, "mom, can I go play with X and Y, my friends?" and I call my cousin (these are HER kids) and I can sense that as time passes, she avoids US more...it is so obvious it is because of the kiddo, as before I moved here she called me just about EVERY DAY! Now that we are close, she never calls...and when I call to try to get our kids together, there is ALWAYS some excuse...unless they will be out of the house somewhere, which of course, there goes the whole point in my kiddo spending time with them...

Or we went to a friend's house...her son used to get along with mine really well a few years ago...as time has passed, he seems to care less...and his other friends bully my son and treat him and CALL HIM a baby when we are around...it breaks my heart.

We basically now just go to Chuck E Cheese or similar where he can play with kids (he calls them ALL his friends), but I don't feel so bad when it's obvious the kids are staying away from him or bullying him...

I hope it gets better...I don't know...

I will say there is a little girl (my husband's best friend's daughter) that he used to like (he's and she was ALWAYS chasing him when they were younger...now again, we have only seen them 2 times in 3mos! They always seem to have "something going on"...I made a facebook page for my son so he can at least chat with his cousins, etc...and I asked him if he wanted me to include her as a friend and he said "no mama, she doesn't like me...but that's ok, I just need to find another girl to like me, not love me..." It broke my heart...he doesn't chase her around or anything, he is super nice to her...but well, that's the way it is...

I am getting tired of some of our friends saying "but outside of his speech delay, there is NOTHING wrong with him" and yet they haven't talked to their kids about trying to understand him or be his friends...they just allow their kids to not talk to him because he's different if they don't want to...I think that is WRONG, VERY WRONG....and not because he is my son, but because it is wrong...When I was young a few times my parents took me to a friend's house, their little girl didn't talk AT ALL...my parents told us about this before we went and told us to be nice to her...that she was different, but still a great girl...Guess what? WE DID DO IT...we DID play with her, even though she didn't talk...I also had a friend in school that had a wooden leg...guess what? My parents ENSURED we never were mean to him...actually one my crazy cousin called him a "wooden leg idiot" and I was only 12 and "SLAPPED MY COUSIN" in front of EVERYONE for saying that...

So, it makes me sick...I do NOT think society is getting better...they are recognizing it more, but they just now know and just STILL push the kids aside...it truly worries me...since my son was born and he was diagnosed, everyday we have less friends because I am sick of their intolerance...not because they are mean to him or my son behaves badly, but because of the way they allow their kids to treat him.