Recommended Reading on AS/Parenting

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I want to note that we, the regulars on this board, are very excited to have Tracker's book finally available, as he has long offered insights that seem to be unavailable elsewhere and that we have all found extremely valuable.

I wanted to say thank you to all that have posted info, I'm kind of new to finding out about my husband and son having Asperger's, and what I've found on this site has been helpful.

I am an NT, my husband is AS, we are expecting our first child and both are very excited but my husband is also concerned. He wants to do everything he can to be sure our child doesn't think him cold or remote; that he is a supportive parent. I read a lot about adult children of AS parents so I know there are a lot of other AS parents out there but have been unable to find specific resources. If anyone knows of any resources that could help prepare my AS husband for parenthood in a way he could relate I would be ever grateful.

Thank you,
Jennifer

That would be a great book. Unfortunately, I don't know if it exists.

Do you find him cold and remote? If so, you're probably the best person to help him figure out how to express himself differently. If not, there's probably not going to be a problem.

Here's a favorite bit of parenting advice: "Never be the first one to pull back from a hug."

Thanks for the words of advice, I will surely pass them on. I don't find him cold or remote, he has his moments of course but as a general rule no and he gives and receives hugs well from me. Not so much from other adults but he loves children and our child will surely fall into the same boat as I do. He is always holding and playing with our God daughter whenever he is around her and she loves all his special voices. He doesn't seem to mind when she touches his face but he hates it from anyone else. My only concern for him is that the worry for the future can occasionally shut him down from the present and I so need him here with me right now. I will keep hunting, he read somewhere that one of the CARD centers here in Florida had some resources but he can't remember which one and I can't find anything about it. If I find it, I'll pass it on here too.

Thanks,
Jennifer

He sounds like he'll be a great dad. Just the fact that he's concerned about the potential issue makes me feel like it's not going to be a problem.

There is a scientific column in this weeks Newsweek that I found highly relevant to the decisions we all have to make for and with our AS children, and how we evaluate the effectiveness of those decisions. I think the points in this article are really important for us to keep in mind as we try to understand cause and effect. Not to say that we should stop using observation as a tool; but to say we need to remember it is only a tool, and not a conclusion. Too much of what is recommended currently with AS is based on, "I saw it with my own eyes." That is not conclusive, and there are good reasons to question it.

The article's topic is science education, but much of the actual focus is on what observational conclusions actually mean in fact, and when they should be considered highly suspect.

Topic: The Problem with Conclusion by Observation

Title: Wanted, BS Detectors
Link: http://www.newsweek.com/2010/10/28/what ... class.html

"Parenting your Asperger Child: Individualized Solutions for Teaching Your Child Practical Skills"
by Alan Sohn, Ed.D., and Cathy Grayson, M.A.

Topics covered include: the requisite symptoms listing, Aspergers subtypes, approaches for dealing with each subtype, moving a child from specific rules to generalization, crisis intervention, and school coping mechanisms. The back of the book also contains a symptom questionnaire, evaluation guides, several visual teaching mechanisms, and other helpful materials. I used this book in particular to find my daughter's subtype combination (anxiety/emotional/logical), and currently, I am working with her therapist to get her to overcome some serious rigidity and anxiety. I've found quite a few techniques in the book which are very helpful

There's a large focus by the authors on generating long-term change within the Aspergers child. In particular, the descriptives regarding changes in traditionally rigid thought offer some interesting, and occasionally unique, techniques.

The book does a great job of helping neurotypicals (yes, that's you, the non-Aspergers parent) see the world through your child's Aspie eyes, and giving insights to what can be baffling behavior. I'm unashamed to point out that I've had to hand the book to my husband on quite a few occasions, finger a passage and say, "See! THAT is what I've been trying to tell you! THIS is how things feel for us!"

Where is the reading thread posted?

For some reason, Your last post just popped up and I hadn't been following Wrongplanet recently because my memoir, SUCKING UP YELLOW JACKETS about raising an undiagnosed son to adulthood just came out and I was side-tracked. So I just replied to the post because I wasn't thinking. Today, I started at #one and read all the recommended books. I've read a number of them and plan to list all of them. Thanks.

This is a good book not yet on your list; Parallel Play: Growing Up With Undiagnosed Aspergers, by Tim Page. This is an encouraging story about a musically gifted and articulate man with Aspergers who has done well as a music critic for major publications. It's always good to read a success story.

This has nothing to do with books. I've crossed over a few lines, so I'll be hanging out with you again another day.

What an amazing resource! There are so many books I'll have to go look up now.

I second the recommendations for Parenting a Child with Asperger Syndrome by Brenda Boyd, and Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon. Both really helpful on a day-to-day level.

Thanks for all the ideas!

a book that sticks out for me was called "nobody, nowhere" by Donna Williams is an autobiography of an autistic woman.. really interesting read and lot of insite.. from this book i finally understood why it was so hard for my son to make eye contact and used her suggestion to tell him to look at the bridge of peoples noses so they know your listening and not being rude.. i believe there is a second book she's written called "somebody, somewhere" i have not read that one yet