Completely Stressed out and Angry

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Just make sure to check into the professional backgrounds of those involved to determine whether they really do have considerable experience in working with ASD kids and just aren't the most available, local professionals.

If it's any encouragement to you and others who are working to bring about changes, some years back a parent whose child had Autism initiated working cooperatively with our district to bring about very postive changes. The outcome has been positive for both students, staff, and school alike. While there still are some things that could be improved I'm sure, the district really understands the importance of early intervention and providing services proactively for kids who are at risk. They have done a lot of staff training (ongoing) and an Autism team made up of staff members is maintained. At one time they even opened up staff inservices on Autism to any parents of ASD kids in the district that wanted to attend (don't know if that's still the case due to space considerations since budget cuts have forced a big cutback in professional development budget but I bet if a parent made a request they would do it). For my own situation it has meant that staff members worked to get my borderline child qualified for services in the first place, that they've gone beyond the required services and at times suggested extras they wouldn't be legally obligated to provide, and that yesterday I walked away from a tri-ennial review with 3 more years of eligibility when many districts would have cut off direct services because my son has made such remarkable progress and has few struggles in the educational setting.

I'm certainly not living in the world's most perfect school district but this is one area where overall they've done a good job. And it all came about due to cooperation, not a battle.

We've always come to the table in a cooperative manner. We didn't have this much grief in California for instance, someone always took us seriously. But we have been told that the principal in this school calls the shots and when we have suggested fairly easy solutions to things, she says no. I have the series of events listed here. They have tried several underhanded deals to get rid of my son without doing the necessary footwork it takes to prove their case.
They already had the documentation from several sources showing what my son required for a successful school year. They simply are untrained and uninterested in autism. Everytime I brought my homegrown materials, they would look at them with this blank stare. I offered more materials if they could just identify what they need. But they stopped asking questions and just started treating my son like he's NT.
His behavior is a lot worse now, both at school and at home. It's hard to cooperate with people I suspect of lying and worse.
We are trying to model appropriate behavior to him and yet, I caught his aide yelling at him (and only him) when he was copying his classmates during PE. (they were pulling on cyclone fencing, not a big deal). So, he is probably really confused and wondering why he is getting yelled at for doing what everyone else is.
When they demanded he gets punished like everyone else, we demanded a behavioral assessment. This was what, a month ago? It hasn't been finished.
The initial recommendations and any staff training hasnt' been implemented but the principal is already chomping on the bit, wanting to know how much she can discipline Pop for his "lack of respect" in front of "her students" and "her staff".
Cooperating with these people is just not much of an option anymore. I think we've been bending over backwards enough.

I didn't suggest that you didn't come to the table cooperatively. What I did offer was intended to be food for thought for parents who might potentially be interested in bringing about positive changes in their districts. When parents are able to make changes in a proactive manner at a districtwide level, it greatly lessens the chance that kids like yours are going to run into principals like yours--education and training makes a world of difference.

I hope things turn around quickly. Despite my district being understanding we had one very, very rough year here due to acute school anxiety and I wound up homeschooling part time. It was the longest, hardest year of my life seeing my son go through such a difficult time.

oh, sorry. We thought working with the district would be more decisive but they say that the principal can choose to follow their "suggestions" or not. Training is optional at this point and we've been told that the aide will be "trained" by the district "team" but the special ed teacher won't be.

Well, it's been about a month and a half since I started this rantlog.
The Assessments are done, they observed much of what we talked about. They made suggestions identical to requests we made 2 months ago. (visual schedules that are changeable for example) Some of the suggestions aren't being followed. For instance, in response to Pop feeling picked on and unable to self-regulate during class, they suggested the aide sit in the hallway while Pop successfully works with his peers and reading teacher. One week it worked well, and the next Monday, she was in the room and he was getting kicked out. When I asked wasn't she in the hallway she stated, "I was but it didn't work out". So, she continued to stay by his side and he continued to be disruptive and not do his work.
She continues to yell and bark at him, using physical force with him.
Completely unacceptable.
There were other incidental changes that we were really excited about. That have nothing specifically to do with Pop's IEP. They hired an additional PE coach and have structured sports during their lunch recess. It turned his afternoons around completely. He was able to transition perfectly with his peers and go to class.
He skipped a unit in reading and is in a class with a 2nd grade teacher, who is funny and tolerant. Sadly, the work is hard for him and something is going on in class that makes him freak.
He has been getting along with his regular teacher.
But his behavior is getting worse and we are worried that we are losing the inroads to communication with him. Meaning, we fear he is shutting down because he can't trust anyone.
We are going to pull him out of school and go the next step in complaining.

I am sorry that this did not work out but honestly, this is not too surprising anymore. Makes me wonder it I even want to deal with the school district here if I ever do have children or just walk away.

I hope all goes well for you.

it is all so terribly frustrating, isn't it ? hang in there.

Oh, this is shocking. Teachers who shout at disabled kids are acting unprofesionally and should be reprimanded. I hope things go better in a new school. It makes me angry that these power tripping people are allowed to wreck children't lives and not checked in any way.