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Is having an autistic child a burden?

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cyberdad
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23 May 2013, 7:15 am

Mummy_of_Peanut wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
cknick wrote:
Wow, I felt compelled to register just so that I could help reply to this question! It's funny that I stumbled across this because I was just thinking about it today. My son challenges our family in a way that makes us collectively stronger, more cohesive, more resilient, more grateful, more giving, more quiet and introspective... better human beings all around. I thank god for all that he's brought to our family. There are difficult moments, but they define and bring incredible (and much needed) contrast to the great moments. I really believe that ease and leisure and lots and lots of good moments can lead to apathy and dissatisfaction (sounds crazy right?? I've seen it happen again and again). I CAN'T be half present with my son. I CAN'T engage him halfheartedly. If I do, he simply checks out. When I'm here, he is too. So he really kind of helps us all to be a little more "in ourselves" a little more present. Does that make sense?

Please, Please, Please, if nothing else, hear this. What a parent prays for is that their child finds peace... in themselves and with their own world. My son doesn't have to be a doctor or a lawyer. But I damn well insist that he find pleasure in his life, work hard and do whatever he chooses well and with grace and perseverance, that he pursue things that he finds fulfilling, and above all that he not despair when he encounters a sometimes difficult and discouraging world. I think it would hurt your parents to know that you are hurting or feel guilty. I know it would hurt me deeply if my son expressed a similar sentiment. Not personally, but because it hurts a parent to know their child is hurting. I truly believe you MUST be a parent to understand this fully.


I understand what you are going through, but I think you'll find most of us on the parent discussion thread are parents of kids on the spectrum.
Why would what cknick has said clash with that?

She said that to understand what she is going through you must be a parent of an ASD child. I just reassured her that most of us here are parents of ASD kids,



Mummy_of_Peanut
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23 May 2013, 7:32 am

cyberdad wrote:
Mummy_of_Peanut wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
cknick wrote:
Wow, I felt compelled to register just so that I could help reply to this question! It's funny that I stumbled across this because I was just thinking about it today. My son challenges our family in a way that makes us collectively stronger, more cohesive, more resilient, more grateful, more giving, more quiet and introspective... better human beings all around. I thank god for all that he's brought to our family. There are difficult moments, but they define and bring incredible (and much needed) contrast to the great moments. I really believe that ease and leisure and lots and lots of good moments can lead to apathy and dissatisfaction (sounds crazy right?? I've seen it happen again and again). I CAN'T be half present with my son. I CAN'T engage him halfheartedly. If I do, he simply checks out. When I'm here, he is too. So he really kind of helps us all to be a little more "in ourselves" a little more present. Does that make sense?

Please, Please, Please, if nothing else, hear this. What a parent prays for is that their child finds peace... in themselves and with their own world. My son doesn't have to be a doctor or a lawyer. But I damn well insist that he find pleasure in his life, work hard and do whatever he chooses well and with grace and perseverance, that he pursue things that he finds fulfilling, and above all that he not despair when he encounters a sometimes difficult and discouraging world. I think it would hurt your parents to know that you are hurting or feel guilty. I know it would hurt me deeply if my son expressed a similar sentiment. Not personally, but because it hurts a parent to know their child is hurting. I truly believe you MUST be a parent to understand this fully.


I understand what you are going through, but I think you'll find most of us on the parent discussion thread are parents of kids on the spectrum.
Why would what cknick has said clash with that?

She said that to understand what she is going through you must be a parent of an ASD child. I just reassured her that most of us here are parents of ASD kids,
OK, sorry it makes sense now that you were just confirming that the OP was posting in the right place.


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"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiatic about." Charles Kingsley


cyberdad
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23 May 2013, 7:40 am

Mummy_of_Peanut wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Mummy_of_Peanut wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
cknick wrote:
Wow, I felt compelled to register just so that I could help reply to this question! It's funny that I stumbled across this because I was just thinking about it today. My son challenges our family in a way that makes us collectively stronger, more cohesive, more resilient, more grateful, more giving, more quiet and introspective... better human beings all around. I thank god for all that he's brought to our family. There are difficult moments, but they define and bring incredible (and much needed) contrast to the great moments. I really believe that ease and leisure and lots and lots of good moments can lead to apathy and dissatisfaction (sounds crazy right?? I've seen it happen again and again). I CAN'T be half present with my son. I CAN'T engage him halfheartedly. If I do, he simply checks out. When I'm here, he is too. So he really kind of helps us all to be a little more "in ourselves" a little more present. Does that make sense?

Please, Please, Please, if nothing else, hear this. What a parent prays for is that their child finds peace... in themselves and with their own world. My son doesn't have to be a doctor or a lawyer. But I damn well insist that he find pleasure in his life, work hard and do whatever he chooses well and with grace and perseverance, that he pursue things that he finds fulfilling, and above all that he not despair when he encounters a sometimes difficult and discouraging world. I think it would hurt your parents to know that you are hurting or feel guilty. I know it would hurt me deeply if my son expressed a similar sentiment. Not personally, but because it hurts a parent to know their child is hurting. I truly believe you MUST be a parent to understand this fully.


I understand what you are going through, but I think you'll find most of us on the parent discussion thread are parents of kids on the spectrum.
Why would what cknick has said clash with that?

She said that to understand what she is going through you must be a parent of an ASD child. I just reassured her that most of us here are parents of ASD kids,
OK, sorry it makes sense now that you were just confirming that the OP was posting in the right place.

Yes



aspiemike
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24 May 2013, 7:58 pm

So if a parent wants to treat their child like a burden, that pretty much will guarantee that the kid will be messed up for life. He or she will then end up feeling as if they are a burden to everyone else and it will take a lot of hard work and effort to change that regardless of a spectrum disorder or not.



Ettina
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25 May 2013, 2:07 pm

As a person on the spectrum, I'm really touched by this thread. You guys have me crying the good kind of tears.