Aspartners: Questions

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I guess what you're saying is I will just simply have to accept the nature of the beast.






I agree.



They're excellent help.

BSTN from aspartners came onto wrongplanet. She came on as Suzy.

Check out post #32. What was this woman asking for exactly. What links was she talking about? How was the aspie supposed to give her advice on raising a teen if he has never done it.

I don't understand. How does it equal "why are you trying to help? How did BSTN derive this?

To me, It means what are you trying to accomplish? To me it means, what is your goal? I would've answered it is because I want the neighbor's daughter to have a successful and fruitful life and for her to get the help she needs.

Wow, that site really bothered me (by the way. I'm NT). I think this is a product of AS being way over diagnosed, and over popularized. Someone is really into math -> they must have AS. Someone is clueless in a relationship -> must be AS. As a mental health professional, I see the value of diagnostic labels at times, but I also cringe when I see lay people throwing them around casually. Diagnosing people you know is usually an excuse to judge them. Diagnosing your own partner or ex is often an excuse to blame things on them, without considering your own role in the relationship. They are petty and thoughtless acts. Unfortunately the victims aren't even the exes, the victims are all the people who legitimately have a diagnosis, and now get to be stigmatized and hated by a bunch of thoughtless jerks.

Oh, but don't forget, they're trying to help you (/sarcasm):

One more thing - the irony here: A bunch of people complaining that people with AS have no empathy, and doing it in such a hurtful and careless way. It's just astounding.

It seems like some of them think anyone is AS if they are rude or unfriendly or have no interest in them or don't hold a door open for them.

My take on it:

#1 She was acting like an entitled person, expecting someone from a forum she dislikes with people she dislikes, to help her, saying


I presume the links she wanted, based on what she posted, were links for posts from the kid section to read. I do not know how this poor man was supposed to figure that out, and then wade through the kids' section and figure out which posts would be relevant to this girl.

If this was important to her, and she thought the girl would welcome it, she should have just done it herself. A link to the kids section would be sufficient. Honestly, she could have just given the mom the main board URL, and let the girl explore it herself, if she was so inclined.

Maybe she wanted him to sort through there and find specific links for teens and how they self-diagnosed themselves. Very presumptuous to dump her "good deed" on someone she does not know and has a prejudice against. It would be like a racist finding a forum designed for African-Americans and , PMing someone asking them to sort through the site so she doesn't have to read the "filth" it contains and then calling him the n word when he can't even figure out what she wants. It reeks of privilege and entitlement.

Which I took to mean that she, "the wonderful NT" (From context it does not seem self-deprecating, but I suppose it is meant that way???] wanted to minimize herself being "polluted" by this site.

The way he responded seemed logical to me, if she had half the sense to be able to parse this. All he meant was that he had a seven year old and did not collect resources to help someone with teenage sorts of problems. I could infer that easy-peasy. Then he asked why she was involved, for context. He did not know if her help was unasked for, unwanted, etc. Not everyone wants people mixing in. The girls is not even diagnosed with AS, per the woman;s post. She is diagnosed with ADHD. The woman took it upon herself to decide she is AS. I bet she did not tell him that, either.

She mis-interpreted his response to mean he was asking why would one person want to help another person, b/c her mind went to the meanest possible interpretation b/c she hates aspies, which she apparently told him in a hate-filled response.

I didn't see any links posted.

I will admit my family including my wife has helped me quite a bit. I do appreciate what they have done.

I would have never thought of the word irony but this was another thing I did not grasp. How was their rants and posts supposed to be educational in any kind of way? How were they supposed to help us all out? I do try to go to their site for self-improvement purposes and there were a few of them that were good. These were made by the more reasonable members. Even they're gone now. I suspect they were kicked off as well. The reasonable members did not goosestep to the prevailing dogma of this hate site. Reading from these reasonable members provided certain clarity about certain issues.

I am thinking of asking hatewatch or The southern Poverty Law Center to list them as a hate site.

http://www.splcenter.org/blog/

In everyone's opinion, should I pursue this or should I let the matter slide. To me, it is a hate site and coming from a Jewish background it bothers me immensely especially this made by Qplan.

http://forums.delphiforums.com/n/pfx/fo ... msg=9425.1

Shoot, this man could be the poster boy for stormfront, a neo-Nazi site.

Some members there act like we are evil or something and out to hurt people. I am sorry they were hurt by an aspie. This is no different than a woman hating men after she is rape by one or abused or someone hating black people after being mistreated by a few or ganged raped by a group of them or being beaten up as they were being mugged by them.

I don't either. Her demands were vague. I did try to find where this was but I guess the moderators or Alex took it down.



Yes, and give the mom information about Aspergers from reputable websites like the DSM, tony attwood, etc.



Can you explain further if you don't mind. I don't understand.



Sounds like she believes she is part of the master race. Sounds similar to eugenics and Nazism. As a person with a Jewish background and certain ethnic features that I have I am upset. These people are like the Nazi scum.



It seemed logical to me as well especially when her requests were vague. I could infer it easy-peasy as well. This woman is so freaking ignorant it is beyond belief.



I never would have interpreted it this way. To me, he was asking valid informational questions which would have made me realize I needed to provide more information to him. I've asked other aspies on here for help on certain things. Some were confused and asked for more data and I provided it. Once I provided it to them they gave me excellent in-depth responses. For the most part, I never felt like I was being disrespected in anyway.

I have noticed you don't do that. My impression is that you consider individual exes you have had were jerks. You don't say all men are jerks or all NTs are jerks or all aspies are jerks.

I don't even say my ex was a jerk. Except in very rare circumstances, it takes two to make a bad relationship. Some of those people were complaining about how they were married to someone with AS for 20+ years. It takes two people to make a bad relationship last that long. These are people who are too self-righteous to bother looking at their own mistakes, and they're shoving it all off on their exes, and by proxy, an entire community of people who really don't deserve it.

Regarding hate-speech and reporting it. I don't know if strategically, it would do any good. My sense is this is a really niche and obscure group. If left alone, it will probably just fade into obscurity. Publicizing it could cause more problems than it solves. Just my take on it, though.

Probably hit her with the banhammer and deleted all traces of her.




This woman would not know a reputable source if she saw one.





Privilege is a way of describing advantages that one might have due to a particular status. It is typically used in things like gender studies or when talking about race, ethnicity or socioeconomic class. If others are discriminated against, by default, all other things being equal, anyone not from a discriminated against class would benefit to some degree. I think it can also apply to other things. For example in Nazi Germany, even before the death camps, discrimination against Jews, Gypsies the disabled, etc, gave everyone else that much more access to jobs and resources.

I tend to apply this to other things when I see parallels.

Often people who benefit from this type of privilege can act entitled to these benefits and even expect and demand more.

Here is a non-politically charged example. When I was in school, I was naturally not part of the popular class. Popularity conferred certain privileges to those who had it and in school equated to what is power in the real world. When I was in JHS, this really mean second tier "popular" girl once tried to get me to do some kind of homework assignment of hers. Naturally, I said "no" because I mean really, why would I do her homework, right? She was livid and went on this big, mean, long rant about how I should feel grateful that she would even speak to me and no wonder I was not popular etc. I told her that I would rather be unpopular than be an idiot who would let people use me. She looked at me like I was from Mars.

Anyway, that in my mind, viewing it now, was an example of privilege. She felt entitled b/c of her relative popularity to get me to do things for her b/c I should be desperate to please her for the off-chance shot she should deign to treat me better.

I got a similar kind of vibe from this woman. She was a "wonderful NT" and why should this "lowly" aspie person not want to go do all this work for her. How dare he question her and not jump and do this for her. I mean, she picked him out as special, because he seemed, you know, OK, for an aspie (imagine a condescending type tone here) and he turned out to be like "all the rest." It just drips of condescension, like someone saying that is "mighty white of you" to a person of color who seemed "OK." Oh and do not forget it was to help one of "his kind." That is the vibe I got, here.





I had trouble reading the tone of this one. I think it was a half-joking, fake self-deprecating, but really meaning it kind of thing. It is too hard for me to be sure. I would not trust my judgment on this one, and you may very well be right that it was meant to be taken literally. it just seemed over the top for an NT to use it that literally.









Based on her rant, I do believe she took this as him not caring about others and not thinking others would either. I think she felt very proud of herself for being willing to "help" an aspie and could not get past her prejudice to see that he had legitimate questions. Also she assumed all aspies have the same type problems so why would age make a difference and really was just very stupid. Maybe he got a vibe from her that whatever "help" it would be would not be real help, but would be to tell her how defective she is. Sometimes I get bad vibes from people and so I ask questions to see what the intent is.

Edited because there is no such thing as a validator for the quote system.

I looked up suzy on here and I saw she had 0 posts. Are you sure that was her because sometimes people use the same usernames. Or am I looking at the wrong suzy here. Is there any numbers at the end of her name or something?

I don't think it is her screen name.

Then why did you say she came on here as her or did you just realize?

^on aspartners there was a post where the woman complained about her experience on wrongplanet. Something about how the incompetent aspies didn't read her mind and bend over backwards to do her work for her so that she could "help" a neighbor girl who she had self-diagnosed with aspergers(/end sarcasm).