toilet training: what worked for your little one?

Post Reply New Topic

Yes parents have tried this on their NT kids and they ended up with a UTI so they stopped with that tough love method and were back to them wetting their diapers again or pull ups. NT kids can be that stubborn too.

Some have accidents and some get UTIs.

My son held it in all day many times to wait to do it in his night time nappy. Speak to your doctor but I've never heard of a child actually damaging themselves doing that. I just tempted him with his favourite drinks that he wasn't usually allowed and eventually he would go 1 time in the day (because he literally couldn't hold it in). After a while of seeing that wasn't so bad he decided he would rather go more often rather than be uncomfortable. If I used pull ups I'm certain my son would still be in them. He wouldn't have the incentive other kids have to be out of nappies like his peers because he wouldn't care. And it's a lot easier to wee in a pull up than go to the toilet.

I have. If you read about parents potty training their kids online, some of them will say how their kids got themselves UTIs from holding it for too long. Not all kids are going to get one from holding it. I never got one, I just eventually had an accident when my daycare did tough love on me trying to get me to use the big toilets and I was afraid of them. I couldn't talk so I couldn't tell them and they probably didn't know so they may have thought I was being stubborn and I didn't show fear of the big toilets. I never got punished for wetting my pants there, they would just put dry pants on me and sent the wet ones home with my mother for her to wash. I remember pooping my pants there on purpose because I didn't know how to ask to use the bathroom and I wasn't allowed to use the potty chair. I could have just pulled my pants down and pooped somewhere and hid it like some kids do but I never thought of it. Anyone would pull their pants down and go if they were denied the right to use the bathroom or couldn't find one because they don't want to s**t themselves or piss themselves or couldn't stand the uncomfortable feeling anymore.

Last edited by League_Girl on 17 Jan 2014, 4:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

But kids in nappies are at more risk of urine infections too due to germs from the faeces being spread all over their front area. We teach girls to wipe front to back for a reason.

The OP has a boy, and I think even for a girl if you change the pull-up relatively promptly, and clean the area correctly it is not too high a risk. Toilet-training age kids who will communicate, will usually communicate an accident. I think there is more of a chance of a problem with holding it in. Most of the accidents are going to be urine, only, anyway. So no UTI risk with just urine.

It may just be another issue of it depends on what kind of kid you have. For my son, I was more worried about holding it in.

I'm not a doctor so I honestly couldn't say which causes more uti's but neither is ideal.

I don't see it as tough love tbh, more learning. Adults don't use a toilet for rewards, stickers or lollies, it is genuinely easier, more comfortable and less bother than the alternative. My son absolutely hated nappy changes at the end and he hated wearing a soiled nappy so was in a no win situation. He held in his poos for two days after the first accident, then he didn't.

They wanted me to use the big toilets and I was afraid of them because water went down it. The hole was bigger than my bottom and it scared me to sit on it. So they were denying me to go potty because they wouldn't let me use the chair so I had accidents and it didn't get me to stop having them and get me to use the big toilets. I just had to wait until I was older and then I wasn't afraid of them anymore.

We don't make adults do things they are afraid of. We wouldn't make them go on an elevator or on a roller coaster or on a train or make them be around things they have a phobia of.

It takes time and patience for a child to overcome their fears over anything new. If I could talk then or showed my fear, maybe things would have been different then and they wouldn't have been as tough. Like I say, they probably thought I was being stubborn so they were tough about it. It took me time and whatever you want to call it they did to me didn't work. It just resulted in accidents and they would just keep changing my pants and send the wet ones home with my mother. They probably figured I would get so sick of having them I would give in and start using the big toilets but that never happened there because I was afraid of them. I somehow got over it. Kids get over their irrational fears eventually and I don't think going tough about it is going to help. I was four when I was finally doing both in the toilet. I have vague memories of my mom helping me with that.

I think being tough is necessary if the kid has no fear of using the potty but choose to not go in it so they go in their pants instead. Same as if they have no fear of big toilets but choose to not use it and would rather go in the chair instead.

If there was fear involved you would have to make more accommodations, but we never got to that point. It was just change.

I admit I haven't read all the responses but believe me, OP, I feel your pain. We tried everything -- and I mean everything -- to get my son potty trained. It never worked until he just decided, and that didn't happen until he was tall enough to stand up at the toilet. It helped when we laid off the issue, too. Actually, come to think of it, he trained himself just before he turned five while we were on vacation. For #1 that is. #2 is a whole other story.

Thanks for all the thoughtful replies.
It is a tough issue, indeed. And yes, we were concerned about the health implications of actually holding in feces and urine. It's not just holding in urine that can cause problems- holding in poop can cause serious issues too.

I am almost certain that for my son, it is not a fear or sensory issue, he just doesn't want to do it. I am completely sure he understands the process and knows how to do it, he has decided not to do it. He is actually in quite an oppositional phase right now (other people have told me this is common at 3.5), and it's not just potty training with which we are compliance having problems.

Anyway, for now, I think I am just going to keep him on a schedule of using the potty. Try not to make it a big deal, just make him sit at certain times of the day. I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to make him decide to do it.

I remember being rather late on the whole toilet training thing. I still remember the day I finally gave up diapers/pullups when I was 5 years old, I wanted to go to the fair and my mother told me I couldn't go if I kept wearing pullups, so I opted to start wearing underwear and using the bathroom, and it was practically an overnight change. I think the reason why I was so reluctant to use the toilet was just because I didn't want to mature, and during that time in my life I went through a lot of changes (such as moving to a new town and starting kindergarten).

Granted, I started having problems with incontinence when I was about 7, and this continued until I was about 9. I have no idea what caused this exactly, as I was fine with holding it in when I was 6. As well, since I pretty much taught myself the mechanics of toilet use, I became known for taking a really long time and using lots of toilet paper. Also, for a long time my aim was rather terrible. >_>

I haven't read the whole thread, so I apologize if this is repetitive. Each child will learn in their own time. My oldest was almost 4. I didn't stress over it, and neither did he. He knew where the potty was and what it was for. He was recovering from kidney cancer so we really let him do it at his own pace. Nothing like stressing a kid out to set them back. I did let him run around bare bum in a long t-shirt. it seemed if he wore anything he would forget, but witha bare bum it was easy for him to sit on the potty. We had a potty on each floor of the house and even took it outside to play so it was always right there. He never seemed to notice he had to pee until it was really urgent lol. He was 7 when he finally stayed dry through the night too. I ended up getting a wetness alarm that woke him if he peed in the night. That was great, he would wake up and then finish peeing in the bathroom. This trained his baldder and he was cured of the night issue in about 2 weeks.
My youngest was in regular underpants day and night at about 2.5. All of his own doing. I'm very hands off with potty learning, it's something they will learn in their own time (when the resources are there for them), when they are ready. Say that Sally's parents started "potty training" her at age 2, but her body won't be ready until she is 3. That's a year of potential accidents and implied failure for Sally. If her parents can watch for readiness clues and make the resources available to Sally when she shows them, that's time for success.

We also had potty training problems around our house. We tried everything and these two things worked. Peeing in the pity and popping we're two separate issues with different cures....

For pooping in potty. A friend told me he did this to his son and I was horrified, but he said it worked immediately. I didn't want to do it but six months later, I was desperate. My child was 5 at the time. I wasn't ugly or mad when I did it. I very matter of factly took some poop from the diaper and smeared a little on her upper thigh where she could see it really we'll. The poor baby looked at me like I had gone insane. I asked her what was wrong and if she liked it, of course she said no. I then told her that mommy didn't like it either when I had to clean it off of her all the time because she wouldn't use the potty. I asked her if she would start going poop on the potty so I didn't have to clean her poop anymore. She said yes and we never had another problem.

For peeing in potty. I read article that theorized children were having a harder time training due to the comfort of modern diapers and pull-ups. They were too comfortable and kept kids too dry so there was no real motivation for kids not to use them. Again she was 5, we had been potty training for 3 years already and enough was enough. So I went to the gas station and bought truly terrible, really crummy, uncomfortable, cheap, plastic diaper. I had to buy at gas station because stores didn't sell anything this horrid in way of diapers. My daughter HATED them, and when she understood there would be no more comfy pull-ups, was peeing in potty almost immediately. This worked great!

Interesting. The second method would seem to support a behaviorist approach. The first one is al about communication and inner mental processes, beyond the ken of behaviorism.

So how did your child show that she was ready for either method? Or did you determine this by some other method than outward signs? If sounds lie verbal communication was an essential element of the first method? Do you think it would have been possible with a nonverbal child?

Adamantium - The cheap diaper method would work well regardless of whether the child is verbal or not. Words aren't needed to convey the concept of comfort and the diapers I bought were completely horrible. This would work for both peeing and pooping potty training issues. Unfortunately I didn't try it first. The method I used for the poop only fixed the poop. She would wear her pull up and poop in the potty then pee in the pull up. You could not do the poop thing if the child is not verbal. If you couldn't explain it, or did it with any malice, or even just fustration, it would just be cruel. I think my daughter wouldn't go because she was afraid of the toilet. She has problem with sound sensitivity and flushing toilets made her afraid of bathrooms in general. She is a very bright little girl but cannot be forced to do anything she doesn't want to do. I was just terrified she would still be wearing a pull up under her high school prom dress. Something had to give. The hideous diaper allowed her to make the choice but gave her some consequences for choosing not to use the toilet. The poop solution just helped her see in a very real and graphic way how unpleasant dirty diapers were from my point of view. She just recently, at 8, has started going to the bathroom by herself. Eventhough she has been potty trained for years now, she was terrified to go into a bathroom by herself and even had to be escorted by another student or aide at school. Maybe the fear of having poop smeared on her leg again, and the fear of having to go around in those terrible plastic diapers, out weighed the fear of the actual toilet.