Son injured by bully at school; no help from administration

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Also don't forget kids can get a criminal record now. I once saw in a documentary about women in prison and this one mother didn't qualify to have her baby in prison and raise her daughter there before release (very few women prisons have baby nurseries for prison moms and the criteria to qualify for it it is very strict) and because the mother had a criminal record from when she was ten over assaulting a kid at her school, she didn't qualify for the program so she had to find someone to take care of her baby until release or it goes to a foster home. This mother was young about twenties if I remember correctly. I think she was younger than me.

I'm so sorry to hear this...It's disgusting that the school isn't addressing this. I think everyone's comments on here are sound and maybe I'll be repeating some. But from my view...I would document everything...and threaten getting a lawyer/lawsuit...threaten going to the local papers/radio, the school board administration...I would think they would have to address it then.

Jag, did you read this one? Look at pages 39 and 40 for the successful studies done in your very state!!

Child Development published the most scientifically rigorous review of research ever done on social and emotional learning interventions for children aged 5-18. The review, by a team of researchers from Loyola University, the University of Illinois at Chicago, and the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL), synthesizes the results of more than 200 independent studies on the impact of SEL programs and represented a group of 270,034 students (2010).
The findings showed great promise. high-quality SEL programs led to significant improvements in students’ social and emotional skills, in attitudes about self and others, and in classroom behavior. Programs were also associated with substantial decreases in conduct problems and emotional distress such as anxiety and depression—all of which are part of the bullying phenomenon. Academic scores also improved significantly—by as much as 11 percentile points. Educators realized that SEL doesn’t interfere with academic learning but helps it.

Read further on page 40. Just amazes me how little this 4 year old study has impacted the schools.

I just realized when I saw my email notification about new posts on this thread that I hadn't updated it in a while. We did meet with the superintendent a few weeks ago, and unbelievably, he is worse than the principal--arrogant, contemptuous and downright unprofessional. He told DH and I that our son is "more intelligent" than we realize and that we shouldn't let him "fool" us with his Aspie behaviors. At one point, he threw up his hands and demanded "What do you WANT??" in response to our concerns about the bullying situation and our son's injury. He claimed that the school has adequate supervision and that the school nurse's comment in the last IEP meeting is irrelevant because she "was not authorized" to say it. He also basically admitted that our son's services were cut due to funding, shrugging and saying "The state is giving us nothing." We left that meeting with nothing accomplished but with a new IEP meeting scheduled.

The IEP meeting was held last week. The superintendent decided to show up (he has never attended any of DS's prior IEP meetings) and show everyone what a big shot he is by refusing to allow DS to attend the meeting. When I began to point out that this is a violation of both IDEA and Illinois state special education law, he interrupted me mid-sentence, raised his voice, and belligerently talked over me in order to prevent me from being heard. Several times I attempted to speak in order to advocate for DS's right to be present and my right as his mother to be an "equal participant" in the IEP process. Each time, he cut me off and drowned out my words, at one point yelling at me "Ask your advocate! Ask your advocate!" For the record, our advocate, who was present, is also familiar with IDEA and knew that he was violating it! Mr. Ego Trip apparently thinks he is above federal law. He's about to find out differently this week when he receives his copy of the formal complaint we have filed with ISBE.

On a (slightly) better note, we did get the IEP, FBA and BIP revised. They still aren't optimal, but show improvement. The IEP team also agreed to have a school aide shadow DS on the playground or in the gym during recess, and to give him extra help with math and spelling, in the hope of bringing up his grades.

We have been able to talk to two other families over the past few weeks, and we are definitely not the only family with a special-needs child having issues with this school (as I suspected anyway, given the fact that ISBE was investigating them last year). One family told us that their 7-year-old, who has Sensory Integration Disorder, had a meltdown in class recently. Her teacher put her out in the hallway, seated on a chair, and left her unsupervised. The child proceeded to pass out, for unknown reasons, and was found some time later by someone passing by in the hall. The school waited until the end of the day (several hours later) to notify her parents! Then, when her mother took her to the doctor, he asked if there were any surveillance cameras in the hallway that might have recorded the incident, in order to help him determine what caused the child to faint (seizure, maybe?) The principal, without even checking, told the mother that there was no video available (sound familiar?)

As far as private school goes, the only one in town is religious-based and has no special education program. For the moment, we're stuck with the public school.

The idea of approaching the media has occurred to me, actually. However, I want to try to exhaust other options before we do that. I am not a publicity-loving person by nature (being an Aspie myself), and I don't want to make things harder for DS at school by broadcasting the situation and inciting further resentment toward our family on the part of school personnel. Having said which, if nothing else works, going to the press might be our last resort.

I am so sorry about what's going on. I've only dealt with bullying once and it wasn't really physical - it was mostly verbal abuse (F-words directed at me and other bad things).
I would document every single thing that is going on. DOCUMENTING WORKS! Then sue. This is a case where the school district and the principal is in complete blame - not your kid. I was told to tell an adult when bullying happened, and at last resort kick and fight them back. I've never had to do that but I would in last resort. Get them in the local media for crying out loud! This is an Aspergers/Autism student, not a general ed student that is being bullied. This happens all the time unfortunately, because many special ed kids are called "weird", "ret*ds" and "stupid" by the general ed kids. I wish it would just completely stop and have everyone at school get along, but that will never happen.

Another last resort - go back to homeschooling - or a private school. The private Christian/Catholic schools seem to have a smaller bullying/abuse level than most of the public schools. Thank goodness, my school district that I go to right now (a public district), I have many good friends and they all love to see me.

Good for you!

If I ever win the lottery, one of the things I am going to do is to staff a legal team that will bring jerks like this to their knees. Seriously. The arrogance sets me off really bad and if I had the means to make life very miserable for people like that, I would.

I hope you tape-recorded the meeting! We always record ours, just in case...

I never said my kids were rotten. I have great kids, they are just a handfull sometimes. I think I've done a very good job raising them. As for my husband, he's immature and has no sense of responsibility and is terrified of confrontation. That makes things difficult. I also don't thrive on drama. I'd love to have a nice, quiet, boring life but thats not in the cards for me. I seem to attract it even when I'm not doing anything at all.

I can complain about somebody's behavior without implying they are rotten. I can b***h about how somebody is without saying they are terrible. It's not all angels and devils you know. There are very few of those, but a whole world filled with people somewhere in the middle. Yeah, a lot of my friends aren't people that the "oh so moral and better than me" crowd would want to hang out with, but some of them are, like the doctor's wife and the minister who are both my friend.

As for standing up for themselves, you have to remember that I have AS too and am one of the clumsiest and most uncoordinated person on the planet. As for "beating the crap" out of the bully, well you only have to manage to do it once. After that you have a reputation as somebody not to mess with so people leave you alone and it stops. Schools do need to do something about bullying, but it's something thats been around since there have been kids and I have no idea how to stop it. Teachers can't be there 24/7 to monitor everything that is said and done. And even if they were, what does that teach the kid thats being bullied? It reinforces the idea that he's too weak mentally or physically or emotionally to stand up for himself so somebody else has to do it. That guarantees he will never try. Plus, there are more ways than just beating somebodys butt to get bck at a bully.

I'm more about empowering kids to handle their own situations than I am about fighting their battles for them and teaching them to come to Mommy and Daddy every time something happens, because we won't always be here, and there will be situations where we can't help. A kid thats bullied and is never taught to or made to stand up for himself becomes the adult in the dead end job who works his butt off but says nothing when somebody else takes the credit for his work. He's passed over for promotions and raises because the boss knows he won't say something about it and he sure won't quit over it, so he spends his adult life afraid of offending his boss. If he ever manages to get in a relationship he's the guy that is walked all over because he doesn't think he has the right to stand up for himself and plus, he doesn't know how to. It effects all aspects of his life and the time to fix it is now.

When I was bullied, beaten, raped,lied about, LITERALLY buried alive, NO ONE EVER came to my defense. I wish they had, I tried to fight back a few times. mosty I hid in my fear and loneliness. When I grew up, I was as passsive , docile, and wimpy as anyone ever has been. For years and years and years. Decades. I believe that if I had been protected a few times it would have been so much better for me.

The lack of protection and being cared about [except by my grandpa who visited for a week every year] did not make me stronger. Helping other people who are hurting and standing up to their bullies is what has made me strong.

Have you tried contacting someone at the county level? Or someone on your state's board of ed.? (Maybe you already said, and I missed it) The buck doesn't have to stop with the superintendent. Perhaps you and a lawyer should set up a visit with someone from your county's board of education. Also, perhaps you should set up a meeting with the parents of the other special needs students to share experiences and organize yourselves into a united front. If you and the other parents are having similar problems, you could then contact someone from the local media to interview you as a group.

Awesome. Great to hear about the formal complaint and a lovely idea from InThisTogether.

I was raised with this "fight back" mentality by my parents. I ended with dissociative amnesia... Cannot remember much of my childhood.

Teaching to fight back is moronic for a lot of reasons, the first one being that violence is NEVER the solution.
That does not mean that I raise my own daughter to be vulnerable, no, I teach her to use her brain and to protect herself with it. On the other hand, my daughter gets all the protection necessary that I can provide to her. She got seriously bullied last year in pre-school and the school was great and finally put an end to it by keeping the bullies and my daughter appart and by informing the parents of the other kids. That's how things should be done.

Include bully prevention approaches directly into his IEP. The school is legally held accountable for progress in those areas. Get input from the SBE, and update them on the schools progress in following. Since your son has an IEP, the school gets double the funding for him, therefore is expected to provide service.

Bully prevention strategies could include:
Require the school staff to regularly reassure your son that he has a “right to be safe”, that some people feel they can only feel strong by inflicting pain on others, and the bullying is not in any way his fault.
Allow him to leave class early to avoid hallway incidents or require shadowing by school staff of in hallways, classrooms, and playgrounds where bullying takes place.
Identify a trusted adult in the school who the child can report to or go to for assistance
Educate peers about school district policies on bullying behavior
Determine how school staff will document and report incidents
Hold separate in-services for school staff and classroom peers to help them understand ASD

I agree that Martial Arts programs that include teaching in the traditional spirituality are excellent ways to develop focus, self-esteem, respect of ones-self and others, and confidence, along with multi-sensory integration in a controlled social setting.