That moment when YOUR child becomes the 1 in the statistics

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While I am disappointed she has not come back, I would suggest that she also has a lot to do with her number 1 priority, her son, and may not have had time to. Given that her and I have talked in pm, and she picked up my pm after her last reply, I don't think the rocky start meant she went elsewhere. Well, that is my hope, anyway. She did very much appreciate how quickly people apologized.

I PM'd her and she answered back. I sent her another one but she hasn't answered it yet.

I'm still around, just getting to "know" you guys a little better by reading threads and picking up on the social norms of this community. Which I probably should have done from the very beginning before my first post but I was not really in a great place at that time.

I've also been reading up on a lot of the resources you guys have suggested and pointed me towards.

I'm in a much better mental place now. Listing all my rational and irrational fears has helped me to categorize them and look at what I can change, what I can't change, what needs immediate action, and what is simply not important in the grand scheme of things.

It's only been a week, but I feel like I've learned a LOT! I think my biggest, most immediate concern now is going to be keeping myself from shifting from one extreme to the other. Prediagnosis I think I spent a lot of time trying to force Thomas to be someone he clearly isn't. Now I need to adapt my parenting style to allow him to be who he is, but I also need to keep myself in check that I don't baby him to the point that he isn't able to reach his full potential. AS or not, I think we ALL take the easy way when it's offered to us!

I also have to prepare myself for school accommodations and navigating the whole IEP system. Because Thomas has excellent grades and is a model student behavior wise, the school system does not feel he has a disability that impacts his education. They've already shown resistance to the idea of giving him an IEP and suggested it's a waste of their time to even evaluate because it's not very likely he will place (which is one reason why we had an independent evaluation done on our own - it's hard to argue that the test isn't going to come back with anything when you are holding the test in your hands!) So I've got plenty of research to do in that area as well.

So glad! Thanks for letting us know.

My son doesn't qualify for an IEP because he doesn't need special instruction. He does qualify for 504 accommodations which would include help with organization, a "lunch bunch" group to sit with at lunch, a seat in the front of the class, permission to leave classes 5 minutes early to get to the next class early etc.

Good luck to you!

It can be overwhelming, can't it?

The IEP rules vary by state, but in the way back I was told an ASD diagnosis was an AUTOMATIC IEP qualifier. However, as I discovered when my son hit high school, regardless of that, if there aren't any specific services the child qualifies for, they won't give an IEP, and you have to settle for a 504. We agreed to let go of my son's IEP at the beginning of this year because he no longer wishes to receive services. We had already dragged it out an extra year just to be sure he was ready, and we knew it was time.

In middle school, speech was the easy service to qualify under. Issues with metaphors or synonyms were on the test for that age, and what he received services for. In High School, he went back into speech due to conversational skill deficits and body language. The standards vary by grade so no qualifying in one year does not mean there won't be qualification in the next year.

My son also received OT until the beginning of 7th grade for his dysgraphia, and you may want to see if your son can qualify for that. In elementary, the OT worked with my son on everything, but in 6th grade she went 100% into teaching him how to type. Since he had achieved a level of proficiency with that by 7th grade, he was dropped from OT. Not something I was thrilled about, but I know how tight school budgets are and I had to agree my son was ready to move on. He had been given an Alphasmart by the school and what he needed at that point was editing help, not OT.

For learning the editing we got him assigned to an academic support period. He was typing in his own version of short hand, and needed to go through the process of turning that into English, checking his spelling, and so on. The academic support teacher could meet with his other teachers and figure out what work he needed to so in that period, and the option worked really well. The academic support also qualified as a service to keep the IEP running, and also helped my son through the developmental gap where his organizational skills were no where near what they needed to be to keep grades up in Middle School. Something else for you to consider as a service that can hook the IEP.

Schools can be VERY resistant to getting a student onto an IEP if they are holding up OK, but I think that the investment made in my son was very, very worth it. It is probably the difference between a kid that would have graduated to a string of unsuccessful jobs, and a kid that will go on to college and have a solid career. More than anything else, perhaps, it helps the child realize that world really is not completely against him. I have seen so many times how close my son has come to checking out and giving up. I am so glad that you've taken the extra step to show your son that you know he isn't making his struggles up. A little investment and he can thrive, really allow his gifts to shine.

Glad you are finding yourself in a better place and thanks for sticking around and giving everyone a chance despite the rocky start.

It will take awhile to figure out where your "line" is regarding the space between expecting too much and expecting too little. It will also take awhile to figure out what is ASD and what is--well--just your son. My daughter was diagnosed just before she turned 2 and she is 8 now and I think I am finally to the point where I am clear what is her temperament and what is ASD. My son is 12 and was diagnosed when he was 7. I have a bit of a harder time with him, but sometimes I think it is because we are an awful lot alike. I will think to myself "I have the same issue, but I deal with it." Then I remember that at his age, I probably didn't. I can't expect him to have gained the compensatory strategies that I have at 46 when he is only 12. So, just realize it will take you awhile to figure all of this out and if you are like the rest of us, you will have a few "epic fails" along the way. Probably both ways...expecting things that were unreasonable and holding him back because you didn't think he could do something that he absolutely could do.

FWIW, my daughter (ASD) does not require an IEP. She doesn't even have 504 accommodations at this point, though she is involved in her school's RTI program. Most of the support she receives is geared toward her social issues. She is ahead academically so there is no need for them to modify the curriculum. In fact, they have enriched her math and ELA. Perhaps that is a different kind of modification...My son also receives his services through RTI, but he does have some 504 accommodations. His support is geared toward organizational issues. IOW your son may not need an IEP. But even if he isn't on a formal IEP, you still need to hold the school accountable for making his educational opportunities accessible to him. For me, that meant a lot of extra meetings at my son's school and with his teachers. Discussing his social issues, strategies, etc. I actually used to have an "owner's manual" of sorts that I sent with him to school each year LOL! It was an "if you notice this" "It probably means this" "And the things to try are these." Most of his teachers really appreciated it.