I need help with school

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Welcome to the world of Special Ed. Grrr.

First of all, I found this national link that may help you find a local advocate: http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/advo.referrals.htm
and this legal helpline http://www.equipforequality.org/issues/ ... /helpline/

Second, going up the chain of command was exactly right, right down to the near-hysteria. Keep going over this teacher's head, and ask for some kind of confirmation that services are being delivered the way they are supposed to be. If you've done something by phone, right after the phone call send a quick email saying "this is just to confirm that we discusse _____________________ and _______________action will take place. Copy a couple of people on the chain of command when you do that (e.g. Teacher, caseworker, and principal if you think it needs to happen.)

Thank you both. I am in shock I did not expect either of these things. But I am smiling at both my beautiful children to my very best ability and I am grateful for your ideas and resources!! !

So very sorry they are pulling this stuff with your daughter.
Don't blame you at all for wanting to scream! Have been there myself!!

I know I feel/have felt this way too, that I/my daughter doesn't have it so bad...there's a lot worse problems out there...And it is good to stay positive. It really is.

But, if this is something that may affect your daughter's chances of succeeding at school in the next few years, it is well worth it to fight for it now. I've learned that the hard way. I thought the school had my daughter's best interests in mind and trusted them. Naïve I know. But isn't that the way it should be???...Unfortunately, it's not that simple.

I do think once you find an advocate to help you out, you will feel a lot of relief! So best of luck getting one soon!!

Removing/scaling back accommodations should not be done that way. #1 As stated before by HisMom, the IEP document is king. #2 That is a terrible position to have put your child in. Your child should not be pressured to give up accommodations by the teacher. Your daughter's opinion should be asked, by you, in a comfortable way, -if- you think it is a good idea. If the teacher thinks it is wise she should ask you, not your daughter. Then if you were comfortable with your daughter's response and the wisdom of it, you could call an IEP meeting.

What accommodations were they? (I apologize if I missed it)

She gets extra time for tests. The classroom teacher feels my child loses too much instructional time and also that she should practice for real life. My daughter could pass the class without extra time but it helps her with spectrum related anxiety kinds of things, feeling in control, staying together through a long and chaotic school day etc.

I think you need a really good advocate, and for all your dealings with the teachers and administration to be done through that advocate by email and phone call. It will get expensive, but within a few months I bet the manipulation attempts will stop.

Don't feel bad for getting upset, Waterfalls.
A) You didn't call anyone names or curse at them or threaten them.
B) Sometimes showing people that something upsets you leads to a better, faster resolution.
C) It wasn't (imo) an overreaction to the circumstances.

I hope you are right. I am ready to jump out of my skin now, worried what will be next.....

I talked to someone in an advocacy organization and the person is going to try to talk to me more this week to get more information so I am not so confused and alone and easy to play with.

I don't know that their schools are wrong, but I want my children's words to matter. I want when they try to advocate for themselves that the people I am trusting to support them teach them that's ok to do.

Your daughter has plenty of time to deal with real life. If she is not comfortable, they should not keep pushing. That will exacerbate the anxiety and she will be less likely to become brave and try doing without the accommodation. If you constantly fear having something taken away from you, you are more likely to cling to that thing, in my experience. I think the teacher is making things worse.

As far as the instructional time, that may be true, but that is true for OT/ST pulls or anything else that takes away from instruction time. I have a suspicion the teacher is more concerned about how much of hassle the accommodation is for herself.

This. If the teacher was genuinely concerned about what was best for your daughter, she'd take the appropriate path to having the IEP changed, and not try to bully your daughter into changes behind your back. She knows perfectly well she wasn't supposed to do that. She was gambling that your daughter couldn't/wouldn't tell you about it, or that you wouldn't call her out on it. My guess is that the extra time was eating into her free period or something.

Yes, the accommodation is extra work for the teacher. This makes me scared for my younger non ASD child as she is much less able to advocate for herself.

Shortly after I started middle school, I remember being approached in the hall during passing time by an unfamiliar speech therapist with the suggestion I didn't really need or want speech therapy anymore. I nodded my head I'm not sure I spoke and that was that. So I want to say to all of you, this wouldn't happen, eight? No teacher would try to get rid of a child's accommodations for convenience, would they? Surely she is just misguided? But.....I guess the speech therapist who suggested I didn't need services when I was 11 probably wasn't trying to make my life easier, just hers. These manipulations hurt my brain to imagine.

It may be helpful to know that speech therapists are in very high demand and high-up school administrators don't want to pay for "invisible" costs like SPED. Like I said, they have to sleep at night - so they probably convince themselves that kids don't need services in order to lighten their load. You know how we autistic people have autistic burnout? They have the same sort of thing, but it's just from their job.

The load on SPED teachers and the members of IEP teams is unbelievable. Keep in mind, they aren't just handling kids with congenital special needs, they're also handling kids who have things like fetal alcohol syndrome, are victims of all kinds of abuse, are victims of poverty, etc. Just google "school therapist burnout" and you'll see - for instance, here's an article about it:http://ct.counseling.org/2009/05/from-burning-bright-to-simply-burned-out/ and another http://digitalcommons.brockport.edu/cgi ... edc_theses

This doesn't mean you should not go and fight for your kid, nor should it mean you should feel guilty for getting her what she needs, but it does mean that you shouldn't take the mindgames personally - they are trying to figure out how to do what they need to do with the limited resources they have.

It's okay if the teacher doesn't like you. It's okay if she doesn't want to be your friend. Your job is to take care of your daughter and her needs. It's not your job to make teachers happy with you.

(I have to tell myself these things sometimes when I feel like an azz for not being agreeable)