Kids say the darndest things

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My son was convinced for ages that women had two bums, one on the front and one on the back. He also thought that people were born as girls then turned into boys as they got older. When he was 4 he started crying on the way to nursery asking when the war was going to start and saying he didn't want everyone to die... No idea where he learned about that!

My 5yo son was at the dentist a couple of months ago for a cleaning. He was asked about how many teeth he had lost and which new ones were growing in, he pointed to his mouth and added, "and I hatched this one!"

He also hates riding in the car and having other cars go faster than us. So if another car speeds past us, he shouts, "PAPA! Go faster! We have to skip that car!"

when my son was younger, whenever he said a rude word that I didn't want him repeating I would repeat what he said but get it slightly wrong, then make a big deal out of it. One time he said 'poo' and I said 'foo...hahahahaha...foo, that sooo funny' he spent the rest of the week saying 'foo' at every opportunity. he didn't say 'poo' again for a really long time

Me and my 7 yr old son this morning:

Him: beep, beep! I'm a buzzer, beep, beep!
Me: I'm not a fish, I'm a pinata
Him: charles cheese!
Him: mummy I can't see you, where are you?
Me: I'm in the land of fish!
Him: SAVE ME!.....charles cheese!

typical morning nonsense

One time my husband and I thought my two step daughters were in the bedroom watching tv (because that's the only time they are ever quiet) after some time the Non-Aspergers step-daughter came in and told her dad that she needed to barrow a tool from his tool box to help the AS Step-daughter with something. She didn't know what to tool was call so she drew it. She was wanting a large plumbing wrench. When we asked her what in the world she needed it for she told me that her sister had a loose tooth very nonchalantly. When I asked here where her sister was she told us that she had locked herself in the bathroom because she didn't want her help with her tooth!

Another time there were 3 adults discussing politics in front of the our Asperger's kid who was about 7 or so and is seemed like she was fallowing along. All of the sudden she had something important to say and we were excited to hear what she thought about the topic but what she said was "If I was a hamster..." we didn't hear the last part because everyone burst out laughing!

DD is 11 and reads newspapers.
She is of the opinion that an obese person should not be a Minister of Health after reading a discussion in the paper that was referring to an obese politician getting the portofolio of the Minister of Heath in Belgium

My daughter and I were out having lunch at a restaurant when another kid at the table next to us started having a melt down. ( he has autism and was in my daughters class) The table next to the little boys table lady started talking to the woman at her table about how noisy the little boy was being and how it was ruining her lunch. My daughter got up and went over to the lady and said "That little boy has autism and can't help the way he is acting, do you have autism?" the lady responded "no" my daughter VERY loudly replied "THEN YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BE SO MEAN" The lady turned about 3 shades red and sank deep into her chair. That has been my proudest time as a father so far.

"what percent is half of the pizza?"

"two."
___

"he's going to give it to the s'perds." (mishmash of salad and birds)

- brought to you by Mr. Nick's individual instruction class.

My son decided to use the toilet and he couldn't go so he said his pee pee was broken.

One time my mom was getting dressed and my son came in her room and saw her pubic hair and he pointed to it and asked "What happened?" His mom shaves her pubic hair so seeing some on his grandma was new.

My husband was taking a shower with our son once and he saw his dad's penis and said "owie" because it was a circumcised penis and my son never had his done.

One time I was at my son's first appointment with Kaiser ad the doctor was asking me questions about him and then he started talking to my son and my son was talking too and I interrupted and started talking telling the doctor more about my son and my son looked at me and said, "I am talking to the doctor."

One time when my son was maybe 4 or 5 and was outside helping his dad with some yard work, out of the blue he said something like "You should really consider mortgage insurance. The financial security it offers is a great benefit!" in a voice that sounded like a radio voice-over voice. When we stopped laughing and asked him why he said that he said that he heard us talking about "the mortgage" and that he heard a commercial about it and the guy sounded really happy when he said it! Of course, he had no idea what a "mortgage" was! LOL!

when i would hear "viewers liked you" as a kid i thought that they meant to say that the viewers LIKED me.

i don't have kids yet but here are other tidbits that i've heard from those my age-and younger. they're somebody's kids.

"i keep forgetting that i forgot it."

"my eyes started crying."

"don't eat with your mouth full"

"i saw some guy who was pregnant but the guy was a guy"

"it's weird how mexican moms know when you are pregnant; they even know what you are going to have"

"do you poop at school? some teachers don't poop at school"

" - what does an = sign mean?

- subtract "

Conversation with DS6 this morning:

Me: Zeke, I need you to go to your room and get pair of socks and come back to put your socks and shoes on.
Zeke: (putting his socks on a couple minutes later) Oh, I have to get a different sock. This is the one I keep my pretzels in.
Me: Um...say what?
Zeke: Pretzel socks. So if I wake up and want pretzels, I don't have to go get a bowl.

^genius.

more:

"where's china? is china in japan?

-no, it's in europe"

My son is 5.5

"Knock Knock"
who's there?
"Boo"
Boo who?
"Don't cry it's only a hot dog in your stomach"

lol.. ok!

gosh kids have the strangest jokes.

which reminds me: http://badkidsjokes.tumblr.com/

I'm not a parent, but I said some pretty funny stuff as a kid, (some of which was caught on video camera). When I was about six years old, (and apparently did not know that the word hell was impolite,) went outside at night, saw the moon was not visible, and declared, "Where the hell is the moon???" There was also the time my parents interviewed me, (This was one of the ones on video), after I lost my first tooth. They had printed up a note from the tooth fairy for me, but what I was really interested in was that the heart around the note had different colors in it, and that the outside one was "my first favourite colour" the next one was my "second favourite colour"... et cetera. When asked how the tooth fairy knew this, I proclaimed without a hint of doubt, "The tooth fairy knows EVERY-THING!! !! Everyone says it, and I say it too." Lol!