Who worries about their child's future?

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2 out of my 3 jobs in life (3+5+5 years 2 last ones are in US) just the first one was through networking. there are many ways to get a job, the most certain one is being good at what you do.

my second point is that the world and employment is rapidly changing. internet brought a set of new jobs that no one anticipated 15 years ago. socialization is different now than it was before. one can find friends (and jobs) through online networking. so my point is you can not predict what are going to be lucrative jobs in 2025 years and also what is going to be needed then.

are you able to support yourself independently without the spouse?
do you know how to get a job yourself?
being a stay at home mom does not count as a job since no one can sack you when you mess up. i agree it is difficult but it is a different.
it is just a question of how one can help a child being independent if he/she can not do it himself/herself.

The internet is most definately helpful, I totally agree with that. As far as networking, I have gotten jobs for both reasons, but I have also had really good opportunities I may not have known about presented to me because of people I know. In fact, I wouldn't have the job I have now if my neighbor wouldn't have gotten me the interview. She didn't get me the job, but she gave me the opportunity to sell myself.

I believe teaching basic social skills is really important for a lot of reasons.

The most important social rule I taught my husband, and that has made a huge change to his career, is not to be afraid to try and fail. He was so locked into reading the potential employers' minds that he had written himself off before he ever stepped a foot out. Sure, he was employed, and did well at his job, but he thought that jobs just like that one were all he could ever do. Given that he felt like he was withering his life away, it was not a good situation. It took a lot for him to overcome the fear, and a lot has been learned since about what he needs in a work situation, but it was very life changing for him to learn to take some risks, cold call, etc.

Our AS son is already learning to do all that already, and he's great. He is also a different personality to start with; far less of a perfectionist; far more comfortable in his own skin; living with much less expected from him than my husband had. But he takes risks, big ones, and he isn't afraid to fail (his words: "when you are already at the bottom of the social structure, it's not like you can go any lower."). In the process, he is earning a lot of respect from his peers and teachers, and that encourages him to continue. He loves those little victories, and he easily blows off the failures ("hey, I'm not good at some things; so what?"). Since turning his gifts into a career will be risky, these are good attitudes for him to hold, and we encourage it.

That's true, but the likelihood that employers will want you to know basic social amenities remains high. While the probability that anyone's child here will be exceptionally good at something that will earn them a living is far less predictable. You are just one person--there are plenty of Aspies who don't do as well. I'm good at what I do, but have always had serious issues with finding and keeping jobs, and my son is much more severely affected than I am. Luckily he is also much smarter than I am, and I'm glad he's applying some of his smarts to learning how the world works.

Ah, I envy that. My son has inherited his father's perfectionist traits and it's a major trial. He wants to be good at everything immediately and tends to melt down if anyone is better than him at anything. (And to be unattractively boastful if he's better.) They've worked a lot on good sportsmanship at his school and things have improved somewhat. Yesterday he whupped me at DDR and keep consoling me like I normally have to do for him, "it's okay mom, it's just a game."

My NT (we think) daughter is the perfectionist in the family, and I find it really challenging to deal with. Because she's NT she adds all these layers of defense that I (more NT than AS, but with quite a few AS traits) really can't decipher. I don't know when to push with her, when to encourage, when to back off; it is so frustrating that I can't read the signs in her like I can in my AS son, so I'm doing a horrible job at helping her overcome it (insert parental guilt and frustration).

Don't beat yourself up about that DW...my son is the exact same way and it's really hard to work around. He too is just like Willaful's child. We have been working on sportsmanship heavy for 2 years now and sometimes he shakes my hand and congratulates me and sometimes he gets mad and punches me when I win something. He stll throws the board, he still brags when he wins and quits when he is not doing well and gets really mad when he loses. He will not do anything he isn't perfect at and he's really hard on himself. This is why homework can be hard. Last time I corrected a mistake I nearly got poked in the eye with the pointed end of a pencil because he was pounding the table and refusing to move on. He goes to a school where they have social skills class every day, they try to work with him but it's hard. I also work with a therapist, and my husband and I have really stepped up our work with him because it's getting harder on him as he gets older. They even had to stop playing kickball at school for many reasons, but one was because he would chase down the kid who got him out and they had to stop the fight. My son has so much potential, but the perfectionism gets in the way. I have NO idea how they teach him at school. I guess that's why I'm paying the big bucks.

I don't know how to say this, but one of the biggest stresses in my early childhood was trying to live up to my parents expectations around this friend thing. Still to this day (I'm 41) my mother still bothers me about getting friends and it's still a stress in my life. I have no desire to sit around with a bunch of guys farting, talking about sports I despise, and saying 'thats what she said' forty thousand times. That to me that is hell. I didn't miss out on anything and I have no regrets.

On my 40th birthday, my wife told me to do whatever I wanted. I packed my bike in the car and did a four day 300 mile bike ride across the katy trail and the state of Missouri alone. That was one of the best weeks of my life. I still hear the trail calling me. It's not sad, it's what I want.

I do think I would like a friend from time to time. But if its that cr*p I see people doing, I'd rather be alone. I like being alone. If you know a 40 year old man, who is autistic friendly, and loves antique bicycles, let me know. But I am fulfilled and happy without it.

Sorry. I think I am venting on you now, i didn't mean too.

Is there a play group in your area for children on the spectrum? Might be a good place to start.

At some point every child has to make his own way. There is no use worrying about a future he might or might not have with or without his parent.
Take care of yourself the best you can, and teach him all you can.
Time will eventually take this out of your hands and put it into his. As he is still only a child, it's alright that he seems focused on entertainment. One day, he could want more.

My point is; enjoy him now, teach him as best you can, and hope he will find his own way as an adult. There is no reason to think that his life will be "horrible" without Mommy to take care of him. Many other people have survived and live independent lives. Have faith that your son will become one of the strong ones.

Now that belongs in the cute things thread!

Francis - I actually think all humans - ESPECIALLY north americans, would be better people if we spent more time ALONE. We have an almost unspoken fear of being alone with our own thoughts in this culture, so we clutter it up with superficial social situations. I think your 4 day bike trip sounds like something more NTs should do.

You would have been such a perfect fit with my mom as your mom!

I also would much rather be alone than hang with uncongenial people or do things I don't enjoy just for company. Still, it's hard to see my son so lonely. He truly wants friends. Yesterday we went to an event where there were four other boys who all love to roughhouse too and he was as happy as an inchwork on a yardstick. (I just ran across that phrase in a book and it tickles me. ) He's starting playing with stuffed animals, trying to imitate the relationship Calvin has with Hobbes.

Well I don't know your son. I don't know how old he is or the nature of his problems, but generally speaking, if it's AS he has, I really don't see any reason why you would think he would not be able to care for himself as an adult.

I was actually quite shocked to hear from my father that my parents thought I would have to live in a group home when I was older. The fact that they'd think this illustrates they really didn't know me at all when I was younger.

The problem was, rather than try to get to know me and understand me, most of the time my parents and others spent with me was trying to get me to act a certain way....in other words, micromanaging my life, when all I really wanted was to be left alone to live my life my own way.

Once they started doing this (they had mid-life crises and gave up on parenting when I was 15 and left me to do what I wanted), I was just fine. I was quite capable of taking care of myself and quite happy to be left alone.

I FINALLY had time to sort my life out myself, taught myself all the math I couldn't learn in school other people's ways, and applied to and got into a world renowned university.

My parents currently consider me the most together person in the family.

We with AS are not stupid and it's very frustrating that the extent of our abilities and psyche is so underestimated.

"we're working on making up the bed"

I don't mean this in any type of negative way but....

Honestly what is the point of making the bed every day? You just unmake it at the end of the day.

Why is it not good enough to just toss the blankets over the pillow as they are so the cat or dog (if you have one) doesn't get fur all over the pillow?

I don't understand why this should be such an important skill or task in life.

I have my son make his bed too. For me it's not the "making of the bed" that is my goal. The reason for me doing that is to teach him to be responsible for something without being told and it's an easy chore that he can do. I also teach him that each person in the house has responsibility to be part of this community (our family), where each of us share the responsiblilities and together if we get the necessary things finished, then we have more time for leasure, and nobody is overwhelmed by taking everything on themselves. Chores in general not only teach him the value of money (because he gets an allowance, and he has to save for stuff) but it gives him life skills that he can use in the future, such as doing something that is necessary even if you don't want to. It also teaches him to care for the things he has. I don't expect him to produce a perfect, unwrinkled bed because he's too short to do that, but I do want him to make some effort.