Raised by Aspergers parent

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Spanking could be viewed the same way.

Maybe, but I get the impression that spanking as a punishment was done long before spanking as an S&M activity was done, whereas the reverse seems to be true with pinching other people's backsides. Of course, there are times when it is confusing, like the South Park episode "The Death Camp of Tolerance" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Death_ ... _Tolerance), where Mr. Garrison started spanking Mr. Slave as a sort of "sacrificial atonement" after he lost patience with Eric Cartman's tomfoolery in throwing a paper plane and saying that it was deceased Kenny's fault. In this instance, Mr. Garrison was trying to get fired for being gay.

I would suggest you can find studies going in all directions about the TYPE of punishment is simply because the TYPE is far, far less important than everything that goes with it: consistency and clarity. I've seen complete brats being raised by parents who spank and I've seen complete brats being raised by parents who don't. I've seen angels raised by parents who spank and I've seen angels raised by parents who don't. In all cases, the key difference is in HOW the parent manages the rules, how clear they are, how carefully they've made sure the rules are appropriate and understood, and how consistenty they have applied whatever consequence they have threatened.

My parents abandoned spanking when they got to their third child, quite a bit younger than the other two, and she turned out the same as the rest. It became quite clear that spanking, to put it simply, isn't necessary.

Given all that, I prefer to choose discipline methods that endeavor the most to teach a child self-control and independent thought. To give them skills they will need to navigate the modern world. Something beyond ensuring compliance in my home. And it is working. I get a lot of compliments from my children's teachers, etc. I can take them anywhere: to my office, to nice restaurants, etc. Not bad for a parent who admittedly would rather spoil her kids

I feel a sense of déjà vu with regard to my earlier comments.

Lol, well, yeah, but we have new people in the conversation.

I suppose then, that, should you stick to your word and the values you are proclaiming to so staunchly uphold here, that you advocate beating your wife for her disobediances? For the Old Testament of the Bible also advocates that.

On a far more scientific note, most of the Old Testament passages are translated from ancient Aramaic, which, in it's original form, syntax, grammar, and vocabularic functions, no longer exists. Some parts of the world do still speak a modernised version of Aramaic, but it is highly corrupted from the original language base, and no-one is now alive that can read, speak, understand, or properly translate the ancient Aramaic, nor had there been anyone alive to translate the original Codices that the Old Testament came from in many centuries. Aramaic in it's original form died out long before English came into being, therefore there is no possible way that the Old Testament, in it's current (or any English-translated version) is completely accurate. The original Aramaic was first translated into Church Latin, which is drastically different and corrupted from the original source Latin. (I have taken quite a bit of Latin, just for my qualifications on this matter, as part of my doctorate work.) Therefore, as someone has mentioned (and whomever you are, please forgive my forgetting who you were, my apologies), Biblical text must be taken with a grain of salt and as somewhat metaphoric. The world has changed since the time of Christ, and that requires that we change with it.

All this aside, to answer the OP's post, I'm an Aspie myself, raising a son with AS, ADHD, Bi-Polar, and SID. My daughter has Bi-Polar as well, and severe ADHD, and is extremely gifted, as is my son. There are benefits and negatives. Neither of my parents are on the spectrum anywhere, however there is a prevalence of psychological disorders through my matriarchal line. My father's lineage, genetically, is unknown, as he was adopted at birth in a closed adoption. My husband is neuro-typical, and this creates a wonderful foil for some of my more idiosyncratic traits.

As for my rearing of my children, I have been honest with both of them since their births. I don't lie well, and believe that the truth is always the best option, and have thus chosen this route with my children as well. They both understand that Mommy does not deal well with places like the mall or Chuck E. Cheese, and while they have been disappointed at not being able to go sometimes, we have made compromises together. We go during off-peak times to places they enjoy that are difficult for me, and they are content with that. My son, while he adores Chuck E. Cheese, is rapidly reduced to a barely-functioning mess there, and his sister loves him more than she loves a noisy, distressing, overwhelming environment, and will be the first to suggest to him (and me!) that we leave due to mine or her brother's distress, and is often one of the only people able to get through to her brother when he is in full melt-down.

Raising my children continues to be a learning experience for me. My son's diagnoses prompted me to ask my psychiatrist to test me for the disorder, recognising many of the traits in myself that I saw in him, leading to my diagnoses at 21. Both my son and I have been in therapies since then, both together and separately. My daughter and husband, both amazingly patient people, are a constant study in interfacing with the neuro-typical world. They both gently correct myself and my son when we are confused or react incorrectly in a social situation. My studies in Anthropology have been invaluable to me in understanding the reasoning and drives behind the behaviours of neuro-typical persons of many cultures. I have discovered that explaining clearly to people why I behave the way they do, and asking their patience, and honestly seeking their advice and teachings tends to put most people at their ease, and make them far more accepting to my missteps and stumbles.

As for parenting vocabulary, I can argue both sides of the fence. I have tried spanking, and found it to be useless EXCEPT when my children were both too young to understand "danger". A swift, single pop to the posterior works wonders for a toddler in a dangerous situation where you simply do not have time to reason with the child, and where a time out is not effective enough. We could not childproof with my son, he quite literally puzzled out every single childproofing technique we tried, including magnetic locks. Hell, the boy literally picked a combination lock at the age of 3 by listening to the tumblers. With obsession that only an autistic child can produce at that age, he sat for over four hours with a combination lock to his ear and somehow managed to hear the tumblers within the lock fall into place, until the slide of the lock popped free. I simply could not chase him around the house 24/7 with his baby sister to my breast to feed, and my husband at work. So, the children were taught in the oldest manner that on the rare occasion Mommy said "No!", it meant NO. We did not tell the children no, rather we found other ways to tell them their behaviour was unacceptable. We didn't want our toddlers to constantly hear negatives. Neither of them have been physically disciplined since the age of 3, and we are constantly complimented on their behaviour and manners. Even our son, with a socio-emotional age of approximately 5 (he is chronologically 10, and looks 12), understands table manners and good grace. He struggles with the normal things a 5 year old would, but does them with graciousness, and words. He does not hit people, he tells them, as nicely as he can, that he needs to be left alone to calm down, and will find an adult if he cannot communicate this to a peer. He works very hard, and we are immensely proud of him.

Well, now that I've written my dissertation here (my apologies for the long post, I apparently had quite a bit to say!), I'm going to go back to some of my research. I welcome questions, comments, disagreements, and discussion. I will ignore rude or boorish responses. Feel free to email me! rykatemom(at)gmail(dot)com. Please put the words "Wrong Planet" in the subject line so I can make sure to catch the email! Thank you!

Blessed Be,

kelly

Was raised by a parent with Aspergers but don't have it. Maybe someone on this forum could explain better. I've struggled with very mixed feelings about my mother. She wasn't blatantly mean but the things she did made life impossible. The diagnosis makes things clearer. Not blaming her for any aspect of my life now except things that she does now that directly impact on my children and me. My mother had a string of bizarre intense interests that consumed her for long stretches. About her children, she could not care less about our interests and discouraged anything we did except if it fit her bizarre interests. She went through a Swiss period and she dressed her four girls in identical plaid skirts, white leggings and suspenders. We're 2-3 years apart and we looked absurd. She chopped our hair to our shoulders and made us wear what was left in tight braids. We were in public schools and the kids called us Swiss Family Robinson or they would sing the theme of the Sound of Music when we walked by. They would trip us and laugh.My parents would not let us go to the movies, watch tv, listen to music or anything remotely related to society. They said it was a waste of time. It was books books books. Their books were about their intense interests only and they learned nothing about life from their books and certainly not from any social interaction since they had very little of that. They talk only about the latest obsession and ignore others in the room who don't share the interest or know what they are talking about. . If people did that to them they would be very critical. My mother moved into her Spoon Period. She and my father make two trips a year to Europe and bring home spoons. Spoon pictures line the walls of the house with detailed captions. No pictures of any humans. In the event of a fire, I think they would save the spoons over any humans. We live too far for them to visit their grandchildren but the spoons in Europe are worth a visit. My father can't take a weekday off to make a trip possible but they reserve weeks for visits to spoons. She also develops heros. These seem to be people who she admires and will talk incessantly about. Most recently her hero's an antique dealer spoon expert in Europe. Visits to the dealers daughter and grandchildren, by rail, have been added to their trips to Europe. They can't bother to board a train to visit their own grandchildren. My mother claims that my father can't possibly take the time off from work due to the economy but the claim has remained the same over lots of economies. Now many of you think this builds character . I think my parents are completely lacking in character themselves. I have many friends without parents with aspergers and they all seem to have more character than my parents who can't resist their obsessions for half an hour.

I suspect my biological mother has AS.According to my grandma, she didn't have any basic life skills such as using a washer and dryer (my dad did all the laundry and bills) and "lacked common sense".She never raised us since she left when I was small.My dad raised me and my sister....so all I can say was that I was born from a mother with ASD, but not raised by her.

Adults with Aspergers should get pets and not have children. After thinking about my own parents and about the inherent weaknesses that are part of the diagnosis (and if you don't have them, you don't have the disorder), people with Asperger's are poorly suited to be parents. Of course, there are plenty of others without Asperger's who are as poorly equipped. People who are violent, those who are pedophiles, those with schizophrenia, should all resist the pro-creation urge for "the sake of the children". An Aspie without children is like a fish in water.

My dad is definitely aspergers and just beginning to think mum is as well as myself, they had 5 kids and the others are NT. But it made for a very difficult childhood and still adulthood. My dad does not know and even though my ds is under assessment and I've explained all the things he does as characteristic he just does not see it. He is a compulsive liar, never wrong, complete control freak and time obsessive, which as you can image with children (I suspect when my parents had us thinking we were there kids we would just follow there demands in silence as was expected). Rules kept changing, he never came to any of our events or supported us, played games, all he cared about was our grades and that we went to uni, mum was to busy - raising 5 kids effectively alone as well as her hobbies and the animals. utter madness. Dad says he loves us and i think in his way he does at least he takes an interest in his grand children unlike mum who has no interest at all (she says she done that and moved on). He made his first cup of tea at 60! I think or like to think if they knew they were AS it would have help them to be more understanding parents. e.g. brother got 10000 lines for touching his clock radio once, when dad came back from his trip, he just laughed at my brother when he presented him the lines and said don't be stupid I would never say that!!

That is an exceptionally offensive paragraph. My NT parents abused the hell out of me for my quirks, and to this day I'm the family member that gets walked all over. All I ever wanted since childhood was to be a mother. My parents threatened me every time I brought the subject up. I'm now married to a wonderful man who cares for me and our daughters like we're the most priceless beings in the universe. I'm like another daughter to my husband often enough due to my lack of emotional stability and my social cluelessness, though I'm chronologically his senior. Doesn't matter. He heals so many old wounds caused by my as*hole parents. My as*hole actual father likes to tell me that if my husband weren't in the picture, my children would be taken away and I would have killed myself in response. He can shut up.

I love my children more than anything and I know I'm a good mommy. I'm a very liberal parent who rewards strangeness instead of trying to beat it out. Ha ha, I reward almost everything. I don't force myself and my interests on my kids. I learned long ago that most people don't care, go find some people who will care because it's a big wide world and there isn't any point in being miserable in it. My kids are so young, though, so yes, I dress them how I want for now. The oldest is four and the twins are infants! Won't scar them! My daughters will probably "outgrow me" sooner than most kids "outgrow" their parents, but I can hope that we'll always be friends. I'm not some ignorant monster, and I would never hurt my children.

Comparing people with ASDs to pedophiles is downright disgusting.

Ditto grapes I totally agree

Ditto grapes I totally agree

are you from stormfront?Vanguard News Network? The type of thing you are advocating is the same thing those sites advocate.Comparing aspies to pedophiles is basically an incitement of hatred...There are many NTs out there who do not completely know about ASD, and its post like this that result in hatred and contempt and human rights abuses towards aspies.There are many on the spectrum who are mild enough to function in everyday life and are better at raising kids than a few NTs I know. I cannot come up with any words to explain how inflammatory that post is.You are basically advocating eugenics...the same thing that was advocated by the socialist tommy douglas and Nazi leader, Adolf Hitler.I understand you had crappy parents, but so did Hitler...if you were to ever read up on the biography of Adolf Hitler, you would find he had crappy parents....Don;t go donw the same path as him...or it could lead to disaster.In the end, regardless of his upbringing, Hitler was still responsible for his actions...and the fact his parents were not so great...did NOT change the fact that many lives were lost.

There are several aspie parents on this board who love their kids more than anything in the world and would do anything for them.They are way better parents than many NTs out there.The content in your post....is a slap in the face to them.You owe them an apology.

No I am not advocating the things proposed by those who wrote the posts above. I am suggesting that people who have the hallmark symptoms of AS should probably not have children. If you don't have those symptoms, than it is a moot point. If you are can not take the perspective of another (your child), lack interpersonal skills, have isolated extreme interests that overshadow almost everything else, and require extreme sameness or ritualistic patterns, your children are likely to have a difficult time growing up, developing social skills, and building the foundation necessary to be a social adult. There are many others who lack skills necessary to be parents and they also probably should not have children. Am not advocating any of the things that others have implied. I am not equating schizophrenia with AS. People who can take the perspective of others, can attend to the needs of children, have sufficient flexibility to deal with the day to day challenges and changes that are part of raising children and who have the other skills and abilities necessary to raise healthy happy kids should go ahead and do so. Sensitivity to the needs of very young children is turning out to be one of the most important and prognostic aspects of raising children. Those lacking in sensitivity are likely placing their children at risk for social and emotional difficulties. There may be ways to overcome the challenges but there has to be a concerted effort to do so and available resources and sufficient insight. If those are in place, it may overcome the deficits.

This is the important point. Pretty much everyone comes into parenting carrying baggage, and most don't get to know what that baggage is until they have children and its a bit late. Each person has to decide for themselves what challanges they are willing to face and defeat; no one can say it for someone else. Given how much I have learned from my own experience as a parent, I think it is inappropriate to suggest that someone with AS probably shouldn't have children; AS is just one of many forms of baggage a parent may carry into the relationship, and its difficult to draw any generalizations.