Kids say the darndest things

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The other day my one year old tried to bite my twelve year old Aspie, so he says to his sister, "No Biting! You can't eat me, I am not edible!"

He paused for a moment and then amended his statement, "Well, technically I am, but it would be very impolite! Wouldn't it Mom?"

Me: "Mike Jr you have a 5th period make-up mid- term in English. Do you have more than 5 periods or is that your last period"??

Mike Jr: "I have one more."

Me: "What is that period?"

Mike Jr. "6th."

I go through life like this everyday. Gotta laugh. "Whos on first?" could be good therapy for my Mikey! XO

I LOVE these! Apparently my 6-year-old girl fits right in. I think I owe her most of my followers on Twitter. Here are some of my favorites of hers:


Her: "Mom, I don't have any jeans for Friday."
Me: "Ask your father; maybe he can help."
Her: "No, his pants are too big."


Me (after visiting friends): "Thank you so much for behaving so well tonight!"
Her: "Well, it wasn't our home so I didn't want to wreck it."


Her (to brother): "I'm never playing with you again!!"
Him: "That sounds WONDERFUL."
Her: "I'll MESS with you, just not PLAY with you."


Her (proudly): "Mom, I know what consonants are."
Me (happily): "What are they?"
Her: "Not vowels. And vowels are vowels."
Me: ...


But my favorite was an innocent remark of hers when my phone rang once after my kids had gotten used to hearing my "creditor" ringtone. "Mom," she called helpfully, "your phone's ringing - it's a predator!"

The name stuck.

My 15 year old autie daughter, Amy, refuses to have anything to do with dancing. I've explained that it's fun and you don't have to be good at it, but she is determined not to learn, so I've stopped pursuing the subject. The other day, we had VH1 on the tv while doing housework and Amy had just woken up, so was wandering around in her robe eating pita chips. A Michael Jackson video came on and my husband and I stopped cleaning to watch it, both being big fans of his music. Amy came up and stood next to me, hand in pita chip bag, and was watching "Smooth Criminal" with her big beautiful blue eyes wide open. I glanced over to see how she was enjoying the music and noticed her shoulders were almost imperceptibly moving up and down, and she was moving one foot back and forth and (just barely) shaking her bootie to the beat. I must have smiled real big and looked at my husband, when I heard Amy quietly say, "This doesn't count, I'm not dancing."

my favorite thing my daughter said was
"Daddy you need to take a trek from you york to savanna, to learn your lesson."
"Can I eat the cat. She is so sweet she must taste good."
After seeing a Botox Commercial...
"Mommy you need that." When asked why she thought so the reply was... "Because they are so happy."
"Mommy I love you cuz you're soft."
Sometimes I think the humor I can find is what keeps me sane.

My little brother now really likes the phrase "Don't you dare!". I'll try and play with him(something I've never been good at) and if I get near his train and train cars he goes "Don't you dare kwiss(my name's Chris)! DON'T YOU DARE!". I start to laugh really hard because I find it hilarious hearing that come out of a 4 year old.

My six-year-old kid who very likely is living with AS is extremely literal.

My sisters and I were discussing, in a joking fashion, what killed the dinosaurs over the dinner table last Thanksgiving, throwing out suggestions like "gay marriage" and "the media" and other nonsense.

My daughter cut in, waving her arms frantically for attention:

"No, no. Wait. Okay. Listen up. That is NOT how the dinosaurs died. Uggh! There was a big meteorite and it hit the water and made a thousand bombs and lots of dust and it blocked the sun and the dinosaurs got cold and didn't have any food so they died, except for the birds. OKAY!"

A week or so ago my AS son said to me, "I want to learn how to play Chess, will you teach me?" I told him that I never bothered to learn and he exclaimed, "But intelligent people play chess!" I said, "Sorry but I was just never that interested." "Well people with high IQs are all interested in playing Chess!" he replied. "Yeah... My IQ is actually higher than yours, and by the way saying things like that makes you seem very rude."

He sighed so big I thought his lungs could collapse... "Sorry Mom..."

I know he will never be fantastic at impromptu conversations, but I still hold out hope that he can eventually stop insinuating that other people are stupid. Finding people that will understand him on an intellectual level is going to be enough of a challenge without alienating those that do.

my six-year-old with AS/hyperlexia has had a lot of good quotes in his time.

at age four, we were at the Y one day and he took off running ahead of me and fell flat on his face. i ran over to him and said, "are you okay?" he jumped up, dusted himself off, and said, "i was just being a childskin rug."

also at age four, he asked me one day, "mom, do you wish you were a boy?" i said, "no, not really." without missing a beat, he asked, "do you wish you were a traffic light?" umm...what?

he has been obsessed with geography and maps since age three. one day when he was about 3 1/2 i got a random package in the mail from mothers against drunk driving asking for a donation, and it had a tiny stuffed bear in it. my son saw it, his eyes widened and he got a huge smile on his face. then he sighed happily. "he must have come from rhode island." it took me a few seconds, then i said, "because he's so tiny?" "yes."

when he was in kindergarten i brought home a new pair of scissors for him. he stared at them, smiling, and said, "they're so shiny!" then he said, "my teeth sparkle like knives in the sun." my mom was over that day and we were like, "huh?" it took me months to figure out that it was a literary reference from a roald dahl book.

when he was younger and got mad, he always said he was going to "crack" or "crush" whoever or whatever was making him angry. he also went through a phase where he said he was going to call things a "machine" if he was angry at them (for example, our neighbor had a dog that barked all the time, and he said, "i'm going to call that dog a machine!" we still don't know why.

more recently, he said to a neighbor who cut in front of him in the school bus line, "i'm going to send you to pluto without an oxygen tank!" it doesn't help him fit in at all at this age, but i still appreciate the way his mind works.

That has to be the best retaliation ever... maybe without a pressure suit as-well...

When my niece was about 4 or so, she kept saying "I don't care" to everything anyone said...finally my mom told her to quit saying I don't care bc it's not very nice, she looked at my mom completely baffled and said "then why do they make don't cares if you can't say them??"

Another time, she was eating some candy and offered me some and I told her "no thank you, i dont want any right now" she kept on and on wanting me to eat some until i said "I said no thanks" in a stern voice..and then she put her hands on her hips and stared at me and said "no thank you means yes please in Japanese" LOL

My 20 month old daughter, who has just recently learned her alphabet, enjoys watching dance videos. When she wants us to play one, she'll say "see?".

Then if she wants to see the one she just watched over again, she'll say "dee?".

OK, I have one that's funny to me, but I'm not sure other people will find this funny...

My 6 y.o. and I were playing with this toy castle she has. It has a king, queen, princess, wizard and a jester. She was making the jester talk, so I asked it,"Are you friends with the wizard?"

She made it say "no." I said,"Why not?"

"Because he doesn't get my jokes," she made it say.

I still laugh every time I think about that.

When I was 4 I went out to mum and said "mummy Alasdair's being provocative", she asked is he darling whats he doing? "I said he is taking my toys and refuses to give them back". Another story i have is at 4 again I went to a farm with mum and dad and i asked the guy "how did the head get on the wall?" he patronizingly started giving me an answer I said "I know how they got stuffed the taxidermist did it, I want to know how it got on the wall". At 5 I was with dad who was an older fist time dad about 47 at the time and a rude woman asked if I was having a good day with "grandad". I said "hes my daddy and he lives with us".

I can't give exact quotes, but you'll get the gist.
My daughter has always been very interested in science and animals. We started to introduce Disney movies to her, so that she could have some similar interists with other 3.5-4 year olds, and so that she could handle watching unreality on film.
After reading, by herself, about Dodo's, she was very upset that they were extinct.
Converstation in the back of the car with her sister, older child 3.5, younger 2.5
3.5 - Mom, why did the Dodo's go extinct?
Mom - Because the sailor's ate them.
3.5 - But they didn't all die. Not all the dodo's die.
2.5 (to sister) - What does die mean?
3.5 - They all die means extinct. But they didn't all die. There is one left.
Mom - Maybe you'll be the one to find it.
3.5 - Yes. I will be the one to find the Dodo. The baby dodo. The baby dodo's didn't go extinct.
2.5 - They didn't go extinct.
3.5 - Not the baby dodos.
2.5 - Where are the baby dodos?
3.5 - The baby dodos are hiding in the sand. Their mothers hid them in the sand to proctect them from the sailors.
2.5 -IN the sand?
3.5 - Yes, in the sand. They are in the sand on an island north of Neverland. Tinkerbell took them there with her pixi dust, because dodos can't fly.

I and my 8 yo son are AS.

This makes absolutely PERFECT sense to me. I am the same way with oranges. Love everything flavored orange except oranges. I think the flavorings are far more concentrated, so the real thing seems watered down and messy. LOL

We were discussing the movie "Percy Jackson" after seeing it, and DS is crazy about Mythology at the moment.

DS "Mom, why was Medusa in the movie when Perseus already killed her in Mythological times?"

Me "Well, it's a movie, and it's not real, so they were pretending to be Medusa, and it wasn't the real Medusa. Although, Medusa and Mythology aren't real either. They were made up stories, but in another time just after the period of Jesus. And some people believe Jesus isn't real either."

(Not skipping a beat) DS "Mom, did you know Medusa had two sisters and they were all Gorgons, but there were only three Gorgons?"

Me "Really? If you could be any mythological creature, who would it be and why?"

DS "I would definitely be a Minotaur so I would have a bull's head."

Me "Did you know that collections of stars are named after mythological creatures?"

And on and on...

Any normal person would easily bore in this conversation, cause the two of us can go round and round if we both know alot about something. LOL