Physical punishment

Post Reply New Topic

Well, they're in emotional pain which is the cause of their hate. It has already affected me on a profound level. They need help desperately. I wish I could help them and show them we're not evil incarnate. Hatred can twist a person's mind and pervert it.



A yes to all of these questions.




I do have sensory issues mainly to sound.



I tell my wife I love her all the time and I rub and hug her.



awesome



cool



Like I said, they're in emotional pain. I don't think they're evil.



I am sure you are.

Sounds like you'll be a great dad.

Being supportive, loving and present is really it. Nothing else is as important as those.

People talk about other requirements, but if you can consistently be there in those ways for your kids, you'll be a better dad than most.

As for AS partners, I read through enough of that site to run into calls for all aspies to be "put down," sterilized, segregated from the NT population or "taken home by god" to recognize that many of the people there are evil. They ascribe to aspergers all sorts of pathology not part of the disorder and see it in every dishonest or cruel man. They talk about the need to protect the NT population through genocide--I read that sentiment expressed I different ways in more than a dozen threads--and that's enough.

It may be that their painful histories have brought them to this horrific place, but that is true for people who hate Jews, non-white people, women, etc. Biography may be an explanation, but it's no excuse and it doesn't transmute hate and evil into good.

In much the same way, I think many people who beat their children severely enough that it is unquestionably child abuse have personal histories and circumstances that mean they have poor emotional regulation, poor interpersonal skills, poor verbal communication coupled with the dysfunctional beliefs that total dominance over their children is the only acceptable parental relationship and violence iis the best and right way to achieve that end.

What they do is evil. They are evil, though it is their own ghastly history that shaped them to be that way. So many of the stories of really severe child abusers recount their own childhood victimization by parents. It doesn't make it all right.

For me, this is a good argument against physical punishment altogether. It's an approach that regularly goes off the rails when a parent looses control. The ones who are doing it wrong think that everyone who does it is secretly doing it the same way they are. Unless it's absolutely necessary (and it's hard to think of situations which it is) better not to do it at all.

This may seem like imposing prohibition for the benefit of alcoholics, but I don't see that smacking kids has anything like the positive aspects of social consumption of alcohol, or any positive aspects at all, for that matter.

Yes you can keep your child from running into traffic or poking electric sockets by smacking them, but it is quite possible to achieve the same result by other means (my kids are 12 now and never poked sockets or ran into traffic and I didn't stop that behavior with any kind of smacks, swats, or blows, QED.)

cubedemon,

I agree with Adamantium that ASpartners' site is harming you. Everyone has issues they have to deal with, even NTs. I know you have empathy for the nuts on that site. Sometimes aspies have excess amounts of empathy, despite what those people on that site, think. They are not representative of most NTs.

I would not listen to what they say, anymore than I would to advice given by KKK sites. They have no standing to give anyone any advice about anything. They are messed up.

I do not know if you like Tolkien, but if you do, maybe this will make sense to you. One of Tolkien's competing narratives about how the orcs were created said that orcs were once elves who were enslaved and corrupted by Melkor and turned into orcs. (I know that there is also the narrative they were once humans, but this version is IMO more interesting)

Per Wikipedia (so I don't have to dig out my copy of the Silmarillion): The Silmarillion contains a suggestion that orcs are descended from East Elves captured by Melkor, their minds and bodies distorted and corrupted.



These women may have at one point been empathetic human beings, but have been corrupted by hatred and perhaps by experiences to turn into the hateful creatures they are.

Think about what about child-rearing would be most challenging to you. Think about if your wife has abilities that complement yours that can compensate. Think about if you have perfectionist/rigid tendencies that would be a hindrance, and if you can suck it up and let kids be kids. Can you think of strategies to deal with the noise that kids make etc. You don't need those people on that site for insight or guidance. They are against us reproducing, just on what passes for principle to them. That is like looking at a KKK site that says Jews and blacks should not reproduce. It is pure hate.

Edited to fix quote tags.

Some people actually think it's normal to literally beat your children and literally abuse them? Reminds me on Dr. Phil when some mom was calling her kid a b***h and said it was normal and lot of parents do it. That shocked me because my mom never called me one and I never ever heard any other parents call their kids one too. I have only heard them call their kids brats or mean or rude or twerps or bad but never a b***h. Makes me wonder if they are finding other parents who treat their kids the same way so they don't know any different, same as for the ones who were raised a certain way and think it's normal so they do it to their own kids not knowing any different.

I don't want to derail this thread any further so may I private message you about this. I need to tell you something I can't mention here.

Sure, cubedemon.

Thats something I am afraid of as well. My first one will be born when I am 34. We had some training with the kid of my husbands brother in law, as well as with the kids of friends. So the different energy level was ok for us, when they were smaller and needed your focus, but actually not forced you to do marathons, as well that when they were already mobile on their own it was ok, so we cared for them having as well some physical entertaining on their own.

But that age, when they are already running quiet experienced, but still have some balance issues from now and then, was exhausting, because of you being forced to always catch up with them. ^^ So after a day on the playground with 50 times assisting to climb the slide-ladder up or to get into some climbing construct... So it was still a good day in the end, and we came home ehxausted but happy, but I am really afraid how it will feel, when its about 7 days a week, 24 hours.

That's when you put the pedal to the metal on scheduling playdates for the kids, so that they exhaust each other out and you just watch to make sure nobody gets hurt

there is new evidence since i last posted here. spanked kids tend to have slower brain development.

I disagree with physical punishment. Why would it ever be okay to physically harm someone, regardless of what they did? Can't we resolve things peacefully? When my parents hit me, it just makes me hate them more.

I can't believe that some parents would intentionally bring pain to their children... What about mercy? Don't they feel guilty? Someone who would decide to physically punish their child must not care about their child's feelings as much as they should. A loving parent would sympathize with their child and want to keep them safe and happy. The thought of hurting their own child would bring them sadness. Children should feel loved, not like their parents are people to be feared!

I think the OP makes some good arguments about this.

I spanked mine when they needed it and they grew up just fine and didn't "hate me more" because of it, in fact they never hated me in the first place. You don't spank for everything, it's for things that are really dangerous or really destructive. Also some kids don't need to be spanked, they listen to you better other ways.

There is a big difference between spanking and abuse. If somebody can't tell the difference between the two then it's best they never spank to begin with as they would be more likely to cross the line into abuse, since they can't see where it is.