Wow, have been away for a while and just read through this whole thread (or skimmed a lot of it.)
I think there are distinctions that need to be made here:
1. There is a big difference between saying "People with AS make bad parents" and both "Certain people, who also have/are AS were/are bad parents" or "People with AS may find it challenging/difficult to be good parents"
I think many of us parents are reading what's being said as the first assertion, which we can pretty much conclude is false just from knowing parents who have AS (once you're in this community, you run into it everywhere.) If that's what you mean, then this forum is not for you.
I think there are many of us who were parented by an Aspie who didn't have the resources we have now, and have the scars to show for it, but even then that's not a global phenomenon. Michelle Feynman spends an awful lot of time talking lovingly about her father, and if he wasn't an Aspie I'm a rabbit.
I think there are a great many of us who struggle with one or another symptom of AS when parenting. They are challenging obstacles to overcome: I actually liked the comparison to the single Mom, because it's similar to that - you have challenges that you rise to or compensate for to the best of your ability. Nobody should imply that you aren't a worthy parent because of your challenges, or shouldn't have children.
2. Another fallacy you're engaging in is that everyone with AS has all the same deficits. We don't, and even when we do, those deficits affect us in a wide variety of ways - for instance, my sensory sensitivities are actually an asset with my child (I like deep pressure and my son does, too,)
3. A third issue is how AS is framed as exclusively a deficit. While there are deficits (e.g sensory issues,) many of the difficulties Aspies face are differences in communication. If both the person with AS and their NT friends and family work hard to bridge the communication problems, they aren't any more difficult to work around than any other language or cultural differences. In fact, many times non-sensory meltdowns and rigid behavior can be prevented if communication is well supported (DS became significantly more flexible and calmer once we learned to communicate better.)
4. If a relationship fails and one person in it has AS, it is easy to blame AS. It's important to remember that correlation does not mean causation: relationships fail because the people involved give up on them, and giving up has no specific neurology. (An awful lot of the negative-towards-Aspie language in this thread sounds to me like someone giving up on a relationship. We readers have no idea what the other side of the relationship looks like, either - it may well be mutual, which would explain the accusatory tone.)
My husband and I both have AS qualities and probably would have qualified for a diagnosis as children - and have been together happily for somewhere around 20 years.
