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Discussed/referred to/talked about ever since found out about it a year ago.

It explained sooo much. It took a burden off both my son and myself to realise that many of our difficulties were programmed/hard wired.

It has helped me accept things about my son. And I think has helped my son too because my angers/freak outs and obsessive treatment of certain issues are no longer such absolutes to him, and he feels less responsible for them, less guilty.

It is interesting how, for many AS women, the presence of the co-progenitor, the father in the case, may actually be harder than being a mother.

Out of the Cl-AS-et topic

My teens only care if it impacts on them.

Update re husband. He has returned, as his car broke down. Either I give him the money to fix it or he stays here. I am having a meltdown. I want to leave myself, but I will not abandon my kids.

I get exactly the same feeling whenever he returns to his old rhythms and goes away to see clients for the full 4 days at a time. Bliiiiiiiiiisssss! Peace. My son and I just get on with our thing. AS without disturbance. I too, wish it could go on for ever.

His presence weakens me. I lean/slump/flop, and become spineless, weak, frightened, hysterical/feminine. I think he encourages it in me. I think it is why he is happier with me than his long-before ex-wife. He "enjoys" my dependency on him.

Whereas when he is gone for at least three days I begin to rediscover my ability to do things well, alone.

Yes... ... ... am I going to leave...

Thanks. We saw a relationship psycotherapist for 18 months. It seemed to help in that we managed to get some communication during the sessions. The therapist seemed very aware of and sensitive to my AS, which is not always the case. However, in terms of communicating and getting along in the "real world" it failed totally.

I also took anti-depressants for 2 years, which my wife said made me much easier to live with. However, I was not happy with the side-effects and feeling woolly headed all the time, so stopped. Having stopped taking them (and hopefully never again) it's like I've woken up a bit and have seen that I need to make some changes. I guess it could be seen as selfish as I'm refusing to take meds to ease my wife's suffering.



Fine. I think we're all on some vaguely similar kind of wavelength here. Please don't take any advice from me, though One thing I find increasingly over the years is that what works for others doesn't work for me. It's like the manual hasn't been written for me, I'm writing it as I go along.

It's interesting that much of this thread has looked at the "partner" aspect of parenting. In terms of directly relating to my children, I don't think I've had too much trouble. Probably because parts of me (my social and relating skills) are at the level of a child! I have problems when I'm with the children and have to connect with adults in some alleged 'real world' situation. Parties, cafe's, family gatherings, parent-teacher evenings etc etc.

My wife restricts my contact with my childrens teachers because she worries that I'll say something that "you just can't say". Not that what I say is wrong (I'll have the research handy to back up my ideas ), just that mysterious NT sense of "you can't say that". So I keep quiet and appear dumb but at least that doesn't challenge someone's half-baked ideas and it achieves my wifes aim of "fitting in with the crowd".

Someone started a sticky thread a year or more ago, ( ?) in the "In-Depth Adult Forum", for Married/partnered Aspies. But I agree that it is, as someone said about this thread, difficult to keep track of separate subjects raised in one thread.

The huge majority of young, childless, and single get to explore an infinite number of times the same subject on thousands of separate threads, and the older married/coupled, AS parents have two.

Unless we took over Adult In-Depth, which otherwise doesn't seem to have any point at all. We park our parenting, partnered selves over there!
What about it?

Last edited by ouinon on 27 May 2008, 10:14 am, edited 3 times in total.

Oh S**t.

Ditto. Not since my son was toddler has he ( my son), been the biggest problem, and am now even wondering, because of how the father's NT nature and behaviour undermined, stressed and confused me, whether his presence made the early years harder than they need to have been too.

I think so in fact. Total mass of NT pressure of what I should do as a mother, how I should keep the house, my god, samantca, I am really realising/remembering how much like yours my experience was. And how like a parasite, desperate for company, this man has managed to hold onto me.

Last edited by ouinon on 27 May 2008, 10:22 am, edited 2 times in total.

What do people think; we ask for this thread to be moved into In-Depth Adult, and then spread out on that forum? Ask if could have the words "parenting, and/or partnered" included in the forum title?

Only problem is that it is an open forum at the moment. Anyone can read stuff on there. But perhaps that could be changed?

Have posted a thread on WP.net Discussion forum asking if this would be possible, at:

http://wrongplanet.net/postt67191.html

Last edited by ouinon on 27 May 2008, 10:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, In Depth Adult Forum is where I would expect to find these kind of subjects. However, that's not really the case. Maybe there's just so few with children, or they have less time to post?

One question I have is about when a relationship/marriage has deteriorated to a point that you're happier when the other isn't there, is there any chance of it ever really recovering from that? I suppose it's possible, but I don't think it very likely. For years I missed my partner and was glad to see her after we'd been apart for a few days. But at some point this changed to now where I have an "inner sinking feeling" if I get home and find her car on the drive.

I don't know, because I know people who'se partners have had affairs yet they're still together. But nobody see's how bad things are behind other peoples closed doors. It's a fact that it's not just AS who hate change, most people will put up with anything to carry on as things are. I suppose that even though the couple remain together, their relationship is not as good as it once was.

Although I have no idea what the laws are in France regarding education, I can't imagine the stress of knowing some authority has the right to inspect you and your home and make important decisions for you. My parenting hasn't always been the traditional sort, I practice harm reduction (you know, if you're going to have sex, use a condom etc.) and have at times feared their father (who is far worse in terms of non-parenting) would turn me in to some agency.

Seems like fear is always hanging over my head, for one reason or another.

My 17 year-old is supposed to be a junior in high school, but we decided it just wasn't for her, and although it took a lot of time and work, we found a local school willing to release her (oh the bureaucracy) from compulsory education and she's taking the GED in a few weeks and should start community college in the fall. I know she's way older than most of the kids here who are being home-schooled, but I bring it up as a positive story because there was a while where I didn't think there was going to be a positive outcome.

Well, in 4 days, we have received 10 votes and 7 pages of replies. I think that shows some interest.

I wonder if our hyper-focus issues might be the reason we have problems with partnering and parenting at the same time. That is one of the things FirstInLine brings up. Either I am not paying attention to her (aggravating,) or I'm REALLY paying attention to her (un-nerving.)

Pops

Yes, thats exactly how i feel. I can take care of my child really well, i play with her and i have fun. I also like to go strolling with her every now and then. As long as i can decide and plan it myself. I get problems when my bf demands me to be a certain way, how/when to do things. It doesnt fit with my schedule. If i redo my schedule, i have to do it myself. Having others demanding or making me change it will result in a meltdown. Thats the reason i cant stand the father. We are completely different and he doesnt understand how i feel at all. He wants me to be a supermom, cleaning everything, taking my kids everywhere at all times... Everything. Ill never be like that and i dont think he will be able to accept it.

Do you know why you havent left yet ouinon? Cause im trying to figure out why i havent myself

No, I don't.

It may have something to do with no longer believing in greener pastures. Or in the belief that maybe it is best not to do anything that I don't totally believe I have to do. So, lacking conviction, I stay.

Yes, there's something I don't understand, and so I'm not quite ready to move. I'm not entirely convinced.

It's weird isn't it.

I feel the exact same way

Im the sort of person that can be in a relationship where others would leave. I mean... We dont do anything together anymore... Dont have sex, dont go to the movies... nothing. So why am i still here when we ontop of this dont get along? I have no idea...

does it go to a vote or anything? sorry newbie not sure how it happens on here