What is it like to be a Parent of an Aspie?

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Somedays I wonder how anyone does this without weighing 300 lbs or becoming an alcoholic. I'm doing a pretty good job eating way to accomplishing one of those.

I love my son. He has such a unique way of looking at the world and it is much easier most of the time now that I have learned to understand him better.

I'm tired of the stares and muttered comments when we are shopping and he is having a bad day. Lately that has been getting to me more than usual.

I dread getting him ready for school every morning. I lay out his clothes and get everything ready for him and it still takes at least an hour of nagging to get him in the clothes and down a glass of Instant Breakfast.

I worry about whether he will ever be able to live independantly as an adult.

I love my son (ok--adore) but he has the greatest capacity to annoy the crap out of me. I agree with previous posts: it takes forever to get him ready, he can't focus to get anything done (even with meds), he doesn't seem to care about things around him unless they are his interests, he refuses to do chores, meltdowns are ever increasing in frequency, etc. I try to practice patience but it is so hard. There are days I feel like the worst parent in the world because I can't seem to keep it together. I don't want to coddle him but he has it so hard trying to fit in at school that I probably do baby him too much. I also worry about him being independent later in life. I worry constantly about him and his future....

It's me sitting on the couch feeling sad or depressed about something (nothing major- just life) and my 10 yr. old son worrying and asking me "are you happy?" I thought Asperger kids didn't "do" emotions? mine does

It's my son and I eating breakfast in the morning and talking about Calvin and Hobbes and my son wondering what the 4th and 5th dimension of time and space look like.

It is me trying to show my son how to cook a scrambled egg (or try to teach him nearly any new task) and he completely ignoring every one of my suggestions and me walking out the room in frustration.

It is my son talking to and asking questions of me from 7:30 a.m until 5:30 p.m. about every subject that pops into his head, every word he doesn't know the definition of, every thing that happens on tv or a movie that he doesn't understand and me saying "Just one more question and then no more talking for awhile" (because his insatiable curiousity sometimes sucks the life out of me)

It is my son stating emphatically "I don't care if I have a lot of friends - I don't want a lot of friends" So my worries about him having more friends are pointless?

It is never ever dull, always humbling, extremely frustrating and on a daily basis- educational (for me and my son). He is an amazing human being that I love with all my heart.

Right now, it's absolutely terrifying. I taught NT parenting for 4 years before becoming his mother, and I know all the "tricks" to make sure a child is comfortable in his skin and in society. Many parents who've taken my advice have wonderfully well-adapted and self-confident NT children now.

The Asperger's diagnosis changed all that for me. Suddenly, I'm sailing in a whole new ocean, and I feel like I have no sail, rudder, or even a rusty bucket to get me through.

I can't describe the fear I have of injuring my son's development; OK, of injuring my son. He is this precious, precious person and I so desperately want to be the mother he needs, but I have no idea how to do that.

Hopefully, in a few months or a year I'll revisit this thread and think, "I remember when I felt like that. I'm so glad it's all clear now." If I do, I'll be sure to post an update.

Hi, I have just found the website, and I am really glad to have done so. I have a daughter with AS, diagnosed about 9 months ago, but we went through YEARS of trying to unravel what was going on with her. I am a social worker, and the diagnosis hit me like a rock...and then I felt guilty that I did not respond better, since I have been trained to do better. To make matters worse, our church (of all places) decided to reject our daughter from Confirmation. My heart was broken. Things are so much better now, we have found a new church that is reaching out to families with Autism spectrum children and families, and working with them to make church a safe place (what a radical idea). We have started medications, and she is flourishing in 7th grade finally! With the help of our doctors we are learning what this means for our family. I would love to talk with other families who are on this path, and share and support one another.

I am a parent of an AS kid, although he grew up. I have AS myself. He was much easier to parent than the girl who always wanted friends over and nagged constantly for the latest fashion in everything. As I do not subscribe to the throwaway, materialism of many people, this was a source of conflict between us. As long as my son had a couple of friends and his beloved soccer, he was happy. Some of his years at school were crap, but in Grade 8 he won an award for Peer Support because he has a strong sense of justice. He had a great class teacher that year. He has always identified strongly with me. His father had a lot of problems with him because he tried to make my son into a competitive sports person, which was not in his nature. he had really good skills but did not inherit the competitive gene eg when he was in a soccer final, at the end of the game he passed the ball to a player on the opposite side because this guy hardly got the ball during the match. To my son's mind, that was not fair. I like that mentality and I like a person who will do what he thinks is right even if he knows other people will disagree. When my son was at school there was no dx and no information about AS, so I think if he had 2 nt parents, he would have been less likely to become a well adjusted adult who enjoys his strengths and accepts that all people have limitations. His just show up because they are atypical.

I didn’t know anything about Asperger’s syndrome until a few years ago and as I started to learn about it I immediately started making the connection. My daughter is 22 and she is a very good girl. She spoke her first word when she was 15 months old. All her life, everyone believed my daughter was shy. I knew it wasn’t shyness but I didn’t know what it was. I understood she was always very concerned about being correct. She gets very upset when plans change. Whenever I give her a suggestion or any feedback, she gets upset and says I am criticizing her. She doesn’t understand the subtleties of conversation. She had one friend all her life but since they left high school they are no longer close. When she talks it is difficult to tell when she is finished so many times she is hurt and thinks people are interrupting her.

I wish I had known because there were many times when I became frustrated with her and didn’t show any patience. She had difficulty getting and keeping jobs. I was brutally relentless about making her go on interviews and look for jobs. I thought she was trying to avoid being responsible.

She got her associates degree in early childhood development (I am very proud of her) and is currently working at walmart and seems to enjoy it and they seem to appreciate her. She has not been able to get a job in a day care center I think because she sees herself as a playmate and not as a caretaker.

As a parent, I feel awful that I didn’t know what she was dealing with. No doctor or teacher ever suggested that she might need any help of any kind.

Now, I want to understand what we can do to ensure that she can enjoy a full life.

Mum

I find it lonely and frustrating. I love and adore and cherish my son. We have our battles. Aspergers is like scaling the worlds tallest mountain. You know you are doing this awesome thing, but at times it seems impassable, others, its smooth sailing.

As the parent of two school age Aspeis, I feel blessed that we got an early DX for them, although it has been a battle to get them the things they need at school.
it is hard for me, as the parent, not to overprotect my child, to let her go and face her battles...but sometimes I just want to go up to the "normal child" and go "why can't you be nice"

My children are a special blessing from the gods....from them I have learned patience, tolerance, acceptance of those diffently abled.........we laugh , we learn things, we fight, we love.........all the same as everyother family........we just have a few more things we have had to learn to deal with

Hi first I am new at this so I hope I am doing this right. What is it like to be a parent of a child that has autism. I think it is a joy to be parent no matter what! Being a parent in general has its good and hard times, but every moment is still a blessing. The hardest part for me is that my son is now 5 and still can't communicate what he is feeling, so it's up to me to try my best to figure it out. I have always been very protective of him, anything that upset him I tried to avoid. But now I am realizing that might not always be the best for him. I honestly believe that as his a mom I have to try to get him used to the way the world is as much as he can stand. To way out the Pro's and Con's of each situation for him. Figure out if it is something he can do and will adjust to, or if it is something he really not ready for and wait till he is. I think that with any child no matter the dx they need all the love you can give and all the patience you have. Everything I do for my son is out of love. I noticed that with my son you can not go by the age appropiate charts, you have to wait till he is ready. The biggest issues that I have are very rarely with my son they are with other people who are so quick to judge and think they know everything. I never realized how narrow minded people really were. It's sad. Well there's my answer hope it helped. Much love to all of you ! Take care.

My 17-year-old son is likely not a true Aspie (we believe lead poisoning caused his issues) but since we took on the dx, we have gotten more help from school, etc. He has many Aspie-like qualities (extremely high intelligence, intense interest in a particular area, lack of interest in doing well in school, hyperlexia, incredible vocabulary and factual comprehension coupled with lack of insight, foresight and inability to read emotions, etc., though that is improving) and now that we have him in a school geared to Aspies, he actually has friends!

Although there are many frustrations to being an Aspie parent (particularly when both parents are NT), there are compensations. My son does not know peer pressure, so I never worried about him doing drugs or drinking. His grandpa was an alcoholic and he takes literally the words "Drinking alcohol killed your grandpa" and has no desire to do so. My son does not need the fancy clothes, etc. that are the trappings of the "cool" boys that my NT 16-year-old girl hangs out with. He marches to his own beat and he is unique.

However, I fear for his future. He will go to community college with high enough SATs to opt out of placement but no concept of how to really write a paper.

Overall, while I would be lying if I said that I didn't prefer to be the parent waiting for the early admission response from Harvard, I would not change my son for anything. He is loving, funny, loyal and kind to his younger sibs (for the most part!)

He is also, to t/j off another thread, an excellent driver - better than me and I have been doing it for 30 years.

Had a very discuraging day.my 8 year old goes to a normally abled school with her 10 year old sister and 8 year old cousin, who in also in her class at school.....I hate to say it but my niece is a Barbie and is also a follower. she blew off my daughter in the park to go hang out with the popular girls .

this hurt my Apie child very deeply and shocked her sister who has been raised to see her sister as someone special and unique....not someone who is different in a bad way.

my daughter feels betrayed and wounded and how the hell do tell her that she will never fit in with the Barbies?? how to I shield her from the sheep people who will always look down on her for being different?? I try to stress how smart and pretty and funny she is....but how can she believe me when she is shunned at school and in public places by the kids she is trying to fit in with??

the above poster is right, it is comforting to know that our special kids will never feel the pressure to drink and act out in the ways that the Barbie and Ken kids do...........but there are other stresses and pressures that are uniquly thiers.........

My son, my life.... That sums it up. He is my motivation. He is 8 years old, was dx'd with AS at 6. I always knew he was different, but Oh so funny! He is my comic-relief. I count on him to make me laugh at least once a day. I wish the kids could see how funny he is. But his jokes come out at the wrong times and he just gets weird looks. It kills me.
A horrific dentist appt is what prompted me to get him tested. I had no clue of where to go. I didn't even know anythig about Asperger's. I thought he had some kind of high functioning autism, but when I asked his principal where I could get him tested, she asked me to look up Asperger's.
When I did....! I thought they were writing about my son! Amazing.
I wouldn't change him for the whole world. I am lucky to have him. He is the most caring, brutaly honest, and inquisitive person I have ever met. He challenges me daily and I love him so much for it.
Just like the psychiatrist said after the 2 hour interview with my son and I... "I have good news and bad news. Bad news: Your son has Asperger's. Good news: Your son has Asperger's"

Becky