"I'm BORED!! ! What am I going to do???"

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Jimbeaux. I am in full support of your decisions for your son. Ever heard of Temple Grandin? I am sure she would agree here with your parenting. I have heard some of her speeches and read her books and at age six, she was expected to eat at the table with her family and use good table manners. Autism was never an excuse. She also had punishments and because of her mother, she is where she is now. A professor at the college university in Fort Collins, CO. She designed animal livestock, she went to college and got a degree in animal science. She also has very appropriate behavior. I read she was diagnosed as AS in her adult hood because she had learned to cope with her autism.

She has also said she hates it how parents let their kids run wild, be rude, be spoiled and use their kid's disability as an excuse for bad behavior and excuse it.

Why do you think you would be kicked from WP?


I wouldn't pay attention to Violet Yoshi. I would just ignore her posts if I were you. I backed out of her argument. I don't know if her behavior is genuine or she likes to stir up the pot. I usually don't see this behavior from people or from other aspies so I'd say VY probably has issues since she can keep this going. I assume you read through her posts to know she doesn't have a job and she is a burden on her parents. I wouldn't jump to an assumption why she doesn't have one, some aspies are unable to work or they have troubles getting one or holding one.

Indeed I am. I am even showing this thread to my online friends and they have agreed with me so far so I know it's her. But one of them didn't want to look at it because he said it was too depressing. He doesn't like to see people thinking kids should be spoiled and run wild. With his son, his son has to earn privileges he said and they are both aspies.

Violet, you already know I think you've gone too far.

Jim, in this last series, you most definitely have, as well. I know it's hard not to strike back, but there is no requirement that you do, and you certainly don't need to get personal about it. Violet's biggest crime, really, is that she is absolutely certain she is right. And, well, I don't think she is, but it is a very AS thing to not be able to let go once a conclusion has been reached, and to continue to see it narrowly, "me against the world." She's locked into it because of her AS, most likely, not because she wants to manipulate or control or otherwise be malicious. The later is possible, but most often it's just misplaced conviction. At least, that has been my experience on these forums. It can be very challenging, but we need to learn how to deal with it without dishing back. Dishing back doesn't help you win, it just makes her more certain she is right.

Sorry all, but I can't help trying to be mother hen at times. I'm a mom; comes with the job.

And, now ... I've just gotten some very bad news from my husband and I need to focus on real life, and stay off the boards. Sorry, real life comes first.

I hope you two can work it out, but I'm not counting on it. Maybe just lay off each other?

You may be right about that. She has probably never learned to respect other peoples opinions and beliefs and know every parent is different. Didn't her parents teach her that? There is no right or wrong parenting (only wrong way is abuse, neglet and sexual abuse). The Parenting magazines and books are just guidelines. They tell you how to raise your child but are they pushing it? No because people choose to buy them because they want advice how to raise their kids. Not every method works on a child. You can read something and try it on your child and find it doesn't work on him or her.
On Supernanny, I am sure the parents agree they will let her tell them how to raise her kids and all because they asked to get help from her.

But on here, when someone keeps pushing it and pushing it and not backing off, you can just ignore their posts and maybe they will get a hint. Keeping on responding to them adds fuel to the fire.
When someone does something Yoshi is doing, it's called trollish behavior.

Yeah, I did kind of go over the top there.


I'm terribly sorry to hear that. I hope you are able to overcome whatever challenges you and your husband are facing. Hang in there, DW_a_mom!! !

You all should see this:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt86949.html

Also, I know you like to make me an easy target, by claiming because I haven't had children I am automatically exempt from providing any opinions you would deem worthy to listen to. I am not the only one who has been outraged by Jimbeaux's behavior on here. As well as the general issue regarding wanting opinons from people who have Asperger's Syndrome, yet when you find out they don't have children you quickly dismiss them or gang up on them. You either want help and advice from other people who have grown up with Asperger's Syndrome, or you want this to strictly be a parents only forum, which in that case perhaps you can discuss locking the forum from non-parents to the WP mods.

It's not just me who's tired of your contradicting nature, in regards to wanting help outside the parent circle. Don't ask for help from non-parents, if all you want is to be able to take whatever advice they give you, and then scream "You're not a parent!" when it's not what you want to hear.

I think Lego might be the key (I don't why people call it 'Legos' but whatever), it is very versatile. If he has trouble deciding thing you can maybe come up with idea of something he can build he can build.

It is also something they are using specifically with ASD kids, something called Lego Therapy:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_a ... 876937.ece

I also think you need to assign how much time you are comfortable with him using your computer and what times, then stick to it as much as possible.

I'm absolutely certain I'm right

Violet, I've posted in your thread. I can't even begin to imagine where you came up with some of the accusations you throw there at Jimbeaux, because I think I've read pretty much everything he's posted and he has never said pretty much any of it. You've assumed. There is an old saying about the word assume, and I won't repeat it, for odds are you know it.

That said, Jimbeaux got far too nasty back to you later in this thread and I've posted to him about that, as well. I call them as I see them, period.

What it comes down to is this, as I posted in that thread:

There are no perfect parents. But imperfect parents are not bad parents failing to attend to their children's needs. There is a large gulf between a few mistakes or points of differing opinion and actually being a bad parent to an AS child. Someone who will insist on leaping to the later conclusion simply because the parent group does not agree with a point they want to make is not helping parents in their relationships with anyone.

The problem I have with your posts in this thread, and it happened in another thread as well, is that you leap from one or two things you don't like straight into accusations of refusing to listen, "bad parent," and so on. That is completely unfair. This is a job where stumbles happen; where errors are expected; where the advice you get from every corner of the universe tends to be in complete contradiction. There simply are no solid answers, and you don't have them anymore than anyone else who thinks they do, does. We talk here in OPINIONS, and possibilities, NEVER absolutes. Yet you insist on ABSOLUTES. THEY DON'T EXIST when it comes to parenting a child. You aren't any more right than anyone else, you simply believe you are. I understand that, it can be part of AS to think that way, but you have to let go of that if you really, truly, want to provide information that can help us parent our AS children better.

I don't know when I'll be back. Life went upside today. I'm avoiding that for a moment, but I can't forever.

Yeah, I did. I violated Proverbs 26:4.

I shall tone it down.

And DW, I hope you get through your challenges you are facing. You really have a heart of gold.

I am a 34 single NT mother of a 9 year Aspie child, B. He has no contact with his bio father. I am in a loving relationship with a wonderful man. He is also a NT. I fully intend to marry my boyfriend and give B a full time dad influence(No, I would not marry my bf just to give my son a father). My son is a wonderful child, but sometimes quite a handful. He is in 3rd grade in a public school and is having to learn that while he is different, he still has to follow basic rules. Rules, consistency, and lots of patience are what all kids needs, but especially aspies. My son is extremely intelligent and is sometimes very cunning in trying to get his own way. I try very hard not to let him munipulate me or my boyfriend. My boyfriend says that my word is law when it comes to B. When parents set up rules for our children, it is not to be mean or repress them. It is to show them what is acceptable and what is not. For example, When B was younger he hit me. Since this behavior is unacceptable, he had to stop playing with his toys and sit in a short time out. Children have to learn what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Did I hit him back?? NO! That would reinforce the bad behavior. He has since learned not to hit people. When we go to my boyfriends place, B is aware of the rules and what will happen if he breaks them. He does sometimes have meltdowns or bad behavior and will lose time from the computer or tv or ds. I don't consider that mean or bad parenting. If a person is never told no or shown manners, how will they ever learn? I believe that my son will be able to grow up to be a happy healthy member of society. To hold a job and a relationship with a person outside of our family. When I was younger I worked in a daycare and there was many times when I saw parents do things I did not like. I said that I would never do that to my child. But things are different when you have kids of your own. Your entire life changes in ways you never expect. For the people who do not have children, give the parents a break. We are only human and make mistakes, just like you! A child is the most precious things in a parents life and we want to raise our kids right, but it is hard to tell what is always the right choice. We do our best and hope it is good enough. My son is the number one person in my life and my boyfriend would have it no other way!! ! We will do our best to raise him to be a honest, self confident, well adjusted man with aspergers. We will be there for him when he triumphs and when he fails(yes, everyone fails at something). I do not want my son to think that the world owes him something because he is an aspie. He can take his strong points and obsessions and use them to make a life for himself or let his sometimes poor me attitude control his life. It will really come down to what he chooses to be. We will do our best to help guide him and be the best parents we can be. For anyone, life is what you make of it!

Thanks.

Apparently things are upside down YET, my husband just worries they WILL be, and SOON. Sigh. I HATE not knowing. I can't solve "maybe." It has to be A or B before I can solve it. But, then, maybe there won't be anything to solve - one can hope, eh?