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Hi All,

I have already learned so much from reading through posts so thank you all! I am mom to Remy, a 9 yo son, who we know has AS.

We are working on an "official" diagnosis, which as you all know is a long and drawn out process. We are going to Arkansas Children's Hospital for the diagnostic testing in a couple of weeks. We live in Louisiana, but unfortunately there are no doctors here that specialize in AS like the department at ACH.

We have been fighting with the school most of this year to get things done. After hiring a child advocate and the school finally doing initial observations and evaluations; they have agreed that Remy does indeed have "something". Of course, they won't say AS yet, but we are getting there. We will be working on an interim IEP this summer, to be in place for him when he returns to school in the 4th grade, which is likely to be hard on him, if this year is any indication.

I am learning more each day about my son and how he thinks and why he does things the way he does, but I don't know if I can ever learn enough. We also have two daughters', 9 and 7, who are struggling with the diagnosis and treatment, and jealousy over how much time this is consuming. Any advice or recommended reading for youngsters would be much appreciated. Explaining why he is different and is treated differently is very difficult.

Anyway, I'm sure I will be posting more as I travel this road. I look forward to getting to know all of you...Laura

Welcome, Laura!

Welcome!

We've had trouble with our younger, NT child understanding the accommodations and time given to our older, AS child, as well. One thing to be aware of is that kids never see their parents as dividing the time fair. My son thinks my daughter gets all the attention; she thinks he does. The truth is that he gets me quite a lot for homework assistance, but she gets me for pretty much everything else. Because I have to spend so much time with my son on certain things, I am very careful to spend extra time with my daughter elsewhere. I know in my heart I've given her at least her share and probably more. That she can't see that calls out to her insecurities much more than my parenting (which we're working on separately).

I am lucky that my AS child appears not to have issues with depression or anger. He is really happy and confident, just unable to do certain things. So, we sit down with him an average of 2 hours a day helping with his homework, etc (6th grade, all advanced courses). It's an investment that needs to be made.

While this year with a new school, new teachers, and new pressures has been difficult, 5th grade was a wonderful time. His gifts were in evidence and school was fairly even keel. He had a lot of accommodations, but things were predictable. That was the year I came to know, truly know, that he will be OK as an adult.

We will always have the moments that my daughter wishes she could have the accommodations for school that my son does. He is allowed to dicatate, for example, instead of write himself. Explaining to her that we need special permission from the school has been difficult; she finds it very hard. After all, she says, her hand gets tired, too! But it really isn't the same, and she has no way to get inside of how difficult writing really is for him (loose joints co-morbid, disgraphia and all of that). Sometimes, when she's had a really long day, I'll just say, "why don't you dictate tonight? Just this once." That occassional accommodation seems to make her really happy. We are careful that it doesn't become a habit or expectation, just something she gets "once in a while." Purely to make her feel better.

She can see that her brother is different. After all, she ties his shoes for him! But that doesn't stop the jealously, and she is socially aware enough to know how to play the cards. We try to keep in mind that there are multiple layers at work there with her, and not to fall for her games, while still trying to meet her needs. Tough stuff! In many ways, at this stage, my AS son is easier. Once you figure out how AS tend to think, you realize how transparent AS boys really are. And predictable. NT girls ... they are ones that learn to play mind games on you.

LOL, who would have thought the day would come when I'd say THAT? I totally "get" my AS son and it's my NT daughter who drives me to distraction! But it is so, very, true right now. 3rd grade girls play mind games. Something to look forward to

Sad to say but the best thing you can do for your child is move. We lived in Bossier City LA for 6 years and it was a fight just to get speech for our older son who clearly needed the help. The first evelataion went something like "Oh he's fine he doesn't need speech. What did he just try and say?" It took almost a year to get him on an IEP and when he was the speech teacher saw him for only a few mins a week and also was the reading teacher for all the k-2graders in that school. His IEP covered every letter blend and most letter sounds. Our younger son who has Atusim was never treated at all there we just got the oh he's young he'll grow out of it or he'll talk if you make him need to talk. I wasn't until they moved us to a base in Europe that someone said hey I think there's something going on there we'll get him in to our pre-school and get to work on the root cause. Not that DOD school are great for any kids with special needs. If you aren't able to move then you need get what every you can on your own and try and learn as much as you can. For the other kids try and get them into there own things were they get to decompress as much as they can my older son is a boyscout and is heading to camp for a week it helps him to have a break. A day with grandma or at a friends house would help the girls have some down time. We have to remeber that our nt kids need break as much or even more then mom and dad do.

Hi Remsmom.

Good luck with the evaluation in Arkansas. I live in Tupelo, Mississippi, and we have to travel for certain things, too, but we are fortunate enough to have almost everything we need right here in the city.

There are days, though, that I wish someone would start an autism village where families could raise their autistic and NT kids in a supportive environment where everyone understands, and with all sorts of great services. All the restaurants would offer gluten-free/dairy-free options, and all the schools would be geared toward individual goals. And all the mommies at the playground would smile when your kid did something "weird" instead of looking at you like there was something wrong with your kid.

If anyone hears of such a place, let me know.

Sorry, I got off topic.

I am also new, and my first post. My son was diagnosed in the 9th grade with AS. I had never heard of it before! I can't believe with all the problems he had in school, that a teacher (or counselor) never suggested it!
So when we found out and he said "I'm not just weird Mom, right?", it broke my heart.
Anyway I had to post because you asked for books. I found an amazing and very simple book called-
all cats have asperger syndrome (no caps)
by KATHY HOOPMAN
When he read it, he identified with so many of the pages. My 20 year old daughter read it, and saw so much of him, even used it in a college essay.
And when we brought it to share at counseling, they ordered the book! It is very simple and eye opening to others. Very easy and appropriate for young kids and adults too.
He is now 16 and the more he understands about himself, the more he learns he is not just "weird". I share articles with him a lot, and we both joined this group this week!
Hope to get to know other parents-