choices

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I have always known my 10 year old has difficulties with choices, however up until the other day i never realised that he knew he had difficulties with choices.

We were in the car my 10 year old AS son, myself and his 10 year old AS friend. We were taking his friend home from a day out at the zoo. The boys were having a very interesting discussion about religion. My sons friend believes in God (as do I) my son J isnt sure. I heard J ask his friend for about the 3rd or 4th time that day if he gets worried making choices. His friend said no. J said he gets real worried making choices and he doesnt like it, he said but when you make choices what if you make a bad one and its wrong. Apparently this is part of the reason he is on the fence in regards to God. As I said it was about the 3rd or 4th time the choice topic came up. He had asked his friend if he liked choosing when we were at the zoo also.

I always knew trying to get J to choose between things was hard, mostly hopeless, but I'd never really thought that he had placed so much emphasis on it as well. Is it because he is scared of failure? Or he is trying to be a perfectionist? Can anyone shed some light.

P.S Even choosing between different coloured pairs of socks is hard for him.

One thing you might need to realize is that most people can look at two different options, both equally valid, and pick one and never even think of it again. Do I want to wear the black socks or the brown ones? Do I want to eat vanilla ice cream or chocolate? Pizza or Chinese? But some of us, if we have no preference, if we can come up with no reasons to choose one over the other, don't know how to decide. It's easy to become paralyzed, to have a mini-existential crisis.

The next time he has trouble deciding, perhaps you could talk about the options with him. Stress to him that it's about his personal preference and that for most everyday decisions, there's no real right and wrong. He can wear whatever socks he feels like. Eventually, though, he's going to need to learn decision making skills, because if he develops something called Learned Helplessness it could lead to him having a very unsatisfying life.

Obviously, though, the God thing is a bit different, because if your son chooses wrong, he faces eternal damnation. Faith is hard. Many people, not just AS, suffer from that one.

"But isn't that what we're left with [from Christianity]?

Accept God's unconditional love...or suffer eternal damnation.

Believe or DIE!

Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options."

- Bill Hicks

Maybe your son doesn't realize that he has the option of changing his mind.

Hey,

My son struggles with choices at times, but it is usually not with someting as important as choosing to believe in God (he already does, btw). He has difficulty with making choices over what to purchase with his money. For example, tonight we were at Chuck E. Cheese's to celebrate by younger son's birthday. My AS son could not choose what to "purchase" with the tickets he had earned from the video games. After a long time, I just left with him. He begged to go back in and try to make a choice again, but I didn't want him to do that because I have seen him many times trying to make a choice like that and he just can't, he just freezes, pulls his hair sometimes - and then he had about an hour meltdown.


Larrygnu - your point about stressing that there is no right or wrong in some choices was very helpful. I'm going to try to help him understand that the next time we have this problem. Thanks!

Jeana