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24 Jan 2006, 5:57 pm
I currently live with my parents. I have a 10 year old (NT) sister who is driving me up a wall.
She is very disrespectful and spoiled. My parents give into her everytime. 
Yet she hits my younger brother, screams at the top of her lungs, and calls me all kinds of derogratory names such as "fa***t" and "ret*d". To me this behavior is unnacceptable and should not be tolerated by anyone. Every human being deserves basic respect even from children. My mom? Does absolutely nothing. My dad will occasionally discipline her but he's never around. She lets her get away with it. Her excuse is "shes younger than you and feels that she has to compete with you, so she becomes aggresive" . Makes but still no excuse for not lifting a f*****g finger to discipline your child. When I tell her that she needs to discpline she yells at me and tells to stop telling her how to parent. Well I wouldn't have to tell you how to parent, if she would start being a parent!!
Just today she threw my shoes all over the house. My mom acutally blamed me for leaving my shoes in her room!! !
If I acted the way she did when I was her age, I would have been beaten within an inch of my life. Yet she's never hit her or rarely discplines her.
I am at the point now where I am having thoughts and impulses of hurting, but I will not act on those as that will only make worse.
Moving out is not an option for me, I am in school right now and cause of my schedule I am unable to get a decent paying full time job.
So I was thinking next time she hits me or my brother I will call the cops and have her removed from the house, since my mom is making absolutely effort at all. Like I said I should not have tolerate this type of behavior.
Do you guys have any alternatives???
24 Jan 2006, 6:37 pm
24 Jan 2006, 7:41 pm
jman wrote:
I currently live with my parents. I have a 10 year old (NT) sister who is driving me up a wall. She is very disrespectful and spoiled. My parents give into her everytime. Yet she hits my younger brother, screams at the top of her lungs, and calls me all kinds of derogratory names such as "fa***t" and "ret*d".
Yet she hits my younger brother, screams at the top of her lungs, and calls me all kinds of derogratory names such as "fa***t" and "ret*d". I understand your predicament. I'm sorry to hear your sister is causing so much fuss.
Beentheredonethat has a good idea. I would like to expand on that:
First, calling the police won't do anything. They've got people stabbing and shooting each other elsewhere. They'll be mightily pissed that you called them over a 10-year-old having a tantrum. You'll end up doing the explaining, not her, and they might end up giving you a hefty fine for misusing 911. Calling the police will be a victory for her. (I'll explain that.)
Instead, outsmart her. Play her game and win.
Though only 10, your sister has an agenda of control and domination, and it sounds like she's got everyone, including you, over a barrel. This is not uncommon. Girls in the 10-15 y/o range are famous for manipulating if they are allowed. They are in the most manipulative stage of their lives. Scientifically speaking, girls who are 10-15 have the most acute people-reading skills of any human beings. They actually get less acute as they grow up.
I recommend a radical approach. The key: disrupt her expectations. Every time she screams and hits, she expects everyone to become upset. That's the reaction she wants, because that's when she can control and manipulate. I'll restate this: every time you and other adults get upset, she's in control. She gets all the attention. (So the police is just more attention, you see...)
First, all your belongings that you absolutely cannot have damaged stow someplace where she can't get at them. A locked closet, attic, or rent a U-haul space if you must. Then, do nothing.
Sound strange? It is. but give it a try. Here's the recipe:
Quote:
When she starts screaming, sit still and say nothing. Answer her civily, or ignore her.
If she hits you, only use your hands to protect your face and other sensitive areas. Don't restrain her or hit back at all. Let her wail on you for as long as she pleases and scream her lungs out. Just sit there without saying a word. Don't leave, and don't back down.
If she starts to hit younger children, put yourself between her and them and stay put. Again, let her wail on you until she's pooped. Don't yell at her for doing it. Don't tell her she's wrong. (She's been told that before and knows it very, very well.)
If she destroys your property, clean it up and go on with life. (This is why your valuables are tucked away.) Don't tell anyone what she did--not a word. Don't yell at her, or even criticize her for doing it. Don't utter a single word.
In sum, don't ever raise your voice, hit back, or say anything mean or critical toward her ever. You don't have to be nice, but don't be sarcastic either. Also, stop telling your parents anything critical or negative about her. Don't tell them about her transgressions toward you. Don't complain. Not a peep. Don't show the slightest emotion about anything that she has done ever. It's also important that you not allow her to drive you from a place with noise or blows. Just take it and be silent.
If she hits you, only use your hands to protect your face and other sensitive areas. Don't restrain her or hit back at all. Let her wail on you for as long as she pleases and scream her lungs out. Just sit there without saying a word. Don't leave, and don't back down.
If she starts to hit younger children, put yourself between her and them and stay put. Again, let her wail on you until she's pooped. Don't yell at her for doing it. Don't tell her she's wrong. (She's been told that before and knows it very, very well.)
If she destroys your property, clean it up and go on with life. (This is why your valuables are tucked away.) Don't tell anyone what she did--not a word. Don't yell at her, or even criticize her for doing it. Don't utter a single word.
In sum, don't ever raise your voice, hit back, or say anything mean or critical toward her ever. You don't have to be nice, but don't be sarcastic either. Also, stop telling your parents anything critical or negative about her. Don't tell them about her transgressions toward you. Don't complain. Not a peep. Don't show the slightest emotion about anything that she has done ever. It's also important that you not allow her to drive you from a place with noise or blows. Just take it and be silent.
This may sound insane to you, but there's a method to the madness. When you DON'T get angry or leave when she pulls her heinous tricks, then she's not in control anymore. Who is? you are. When you do this, you have broken her control mechanism over you. You're no longer reacting to her.
This will drive her nuts. She's not getting what she wants anymore. She can't control you any longer.
She will redouble her efforts to get your goat. She'll scream louder and hit harder. She'll call you the worst names she can think of. Too bad. You're not taking the bait. In fact, surely and silently, you've become a hero. You are protecting smaller children with your body. You are impervious to insults. You have no negative conduct at all. You are the man.
Pretty soon, one of several things will happen. It's very likely your parents will start to see for themselves the true state of things. Once they see you taking it all and dishing nothing out, they will see that their dear daughter has a major behavior problem. There is no possible motive for her to behave as she is toward you, and they'll see there can only be one source of the violence.
But unless I'm very much mistaken, your sister may well go through a fundamental change. She will probably develop a lot of fear and respect toward you. A man who doesn't react is the most powerful force in the world. He is SCARY. (Think of Clint Eastwood in many of his roles as the strong, silent stranger, or Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter.)
I won't lie: this recipe is tough to follow. You've got a task in front of you. But this truly is the work of the hero. Gandhi used this same method and broke the grip of the British Empire over India. Martin Luther King Jr. used it to win civil rights for Blacks in the South. Jesus used it to cofound his enemies, who wanted him to admit that he was not the son of God. They stood still and let their enemies destroy themselves by their own weight.
And the beautiful thing is, you will not harm your sister by doing this. In fact, you may well give her a life-changing experience for which she loves you for the rest of her life.
If this rings true for you and you try it, feel free to write for morale support and to check in. Very best of luck. You're the man, jman.
Last edited by GroovyDruid on 24 Jan 2006, 7:52 pm, edited 3 times in total.
24 Jan 2006, 7:42 pm
24 Jan 2006, 8:55 pm
GroovyDruid wrote:
jman wrote:
I currently live with my parents. I have a 10 year old (NT) sister who is driving me up a wall. She is very disrespectful and spoiled. My parents give into her everytime. Yet she hits my younger brother, screams at the top of her lungs, and calls me all kinds of derogratory names such as "fa***t" and "ret*d".
Yet she hits my younger brother, screams at the top of her lungs, and calls me all kinds of derogratory names such as "fa***t" and "ret*d". I understand your predicament. I'm sorry to hear your sister is causing so much fuss.
Beentheredonethat has a good idea. I would like to expand on that:
First, calling the police won't do anything. They've got people stabbing and shooting each other elsewhere. They'll be mightily pissed that you called them over a 10-year-old having a tantrum. You'll end up doing the explaining, not her, and they might end up giving you a hefty fine for misusing 911. Calling the police will be a victory for her. (I'll explain that.)
Instead, outsmart her. Play her game and win.
Though only 10, your sister has an agenda of control and domination, and it sounds like she's got everyone, including you, over a barrel. This is not uncommon. Girls in the 10-15 y/o range are famous for manipulating if they are allowed. They are in the most manipulative stage of their lives. Scientifically speaking, girls who are 10-15 have the most acute people-reading skills of any human beings. They actually get less acute as they grow up.
I recommend a radical approach. The key: disrupt her expectations. Every time she screams and hits, she expects everyone to become upset. That's the reaction she wants, because that's when she can control and manipulate. I'll restate this: every time you and other adults get upset, she's in control. She gets all the attention. (So the police is just more attention, you see...)
First, all your belongings that you absolutely cannot have damaged stow someplace where she can't get at them. A locked closet, attic, or rent a U-haul space if you must. Then, do nothing.
Sound strange? It is. but give it a try. Here's the recipe:
Quote:
When she starts screaming, sit still and say nothing. Answer her civily, or ignore her.
If she hits you, only use your hands to protect your face and other sensitive areas. Don't restrain her or hit back at all. Let her wail on you for as long as she pleases and scream her lungs out. Just sit there without saying a word. Don't leave, and don't back down.
If she starts to hit younger children, put yourself between her and them and stay put. Again, let her wail on you until she's pooped. Don't yell at her for doing it. Don't tell her she's wrong. (She's been told that before and knows it very, very well.)
If she destroys your property, clean it up and go on with life. (This is why your valuables are tucked away.) Don't tell anyone what she did--not a word. Don't yell at her, or even criticize her for doing it. Don't utter a single word.
In sum, don't ever raise your voice, hit back, or say anything mean or critical toward her ever. You don't have to be nice, but don't be sarcastic either. Also, stop telling your parents anything critical or negative about her. Don't tell them about her transgressions toward you. Don't complain. Not a peep. Don't show the slightest emotion about anything that she has done ever. It's also important that you not allow her to drive you from a place with noise or blows. Just take it and be silent.
If she hits you, only use your hands to protect your face and other sensitive areas. Don't restrain her or hit back at all. Let her wail on you for as long as she pleases and scream her lungs out. Just sit there without saying a word. Don't leave, and don't back down.
If she starts to hit younger children, put yourself between her and them and stay put. Again, let her wail on you until she's pooped. Don't yell at her for doing it. Don't tell her she's wrong. (She's been told that before and knows it very, very well.)
If she destroys your property, clean it up and go on with life. (This is why your valuables are tucked away.) Don't tell anyone what she did--not a word. Don't yell at her, or even criticize her for doing it. Don't utter a single word.
In sum, don't ever raise your voice, hit back, or say anything mean or critical toward her ever. You don't have to be nice, but don't be sarcastic either. Also, stop telling your parents anything critical or negative about her. Don't tell them about her transgressions toward you. Don't complain. Not a peep. Don't show the slightest emotion about anything that she has done ever. It's also important that you not allow her to drive you from a place with noise or blows. Just take it and be silent.
This may sound insane to you, but there's a method to the madness. When you DON'T get angry or leave when she pulls her heinous tricks, then she's not in control anymore. Who is? you are. When you do this, you have broken her control mechanism over you. You're no longer reacting to her.
This will drive her nuts. She's not getting what she wants anymore. She can't control you any longer.
She will redouble her efforts to get your goat. She'll scream louder and hit harder. She'll call you the worst names she can think of. Too bad. You're not taking the bait. In fact, surely and silently, you've become a hero. You are protecting smaller children with your body. You are impervious to insults. You have no negative conduct at all. You are the man.
Pretty soon, one of several things will happen. It's very likely your parents will start to see for themselves the true state of things. Once they see you taking it all and dishing nothing out, they will see that their dear daughter has a major behavior problem. There is no possible motive for her to behave as she is toward you, and they'll see there can only be one source of the violence.
But unless I'm very much mistaken, your sister may well go through a fundamental change. She will probably develop a lot of fear and respect toward you. A man who doesn't react is the most powerful force in the world. He is SCARY. (Think of Clint Eastwood in many of his roles as the strong, silent stranger, or Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter.)
I won't lie: this recipe is tough to follow. You've got a task in front of you. But this truly is the work of the hero. Gandhi used this same method and broke the grip of the British Empire over India. Martin Luther King Jr. used it to win civil rights for Blacks in the South. Jesus used it to cofound his enemies, who wanted him to admit that he was not the son of God. They stood still and let their enemies destroy themselves by their own weight.
And the beautiful thing is, you will not harm your sister by doing this. In fact, you may well give her a life-changing experience for which she loves you for the rest of her life.
If this rings true for you and you try it, feel free to write for morale support and to check in. Very best of luck. You're the man, jman.
GroovyDruid,
you have great ideas as usual. One more thing I might do is next time she asks me to drive her to her friends, it will be a big fat no.
"Until you start treating me with some respect I will not do anymore favors for you. "8)
24 Jan 2006, 10:46 pm
jman wrote:
you have great ideas as usual.
I sincerely hope it turns out to be useful.
jman wrote:
One more thing I might do is next time she asks me to drive her to her friends, it will be a big fat no.
"Until you start treating me with some respect I will not do anymore favors for you. "8)
"Until you start treating me with some respect I will not do anymore favors for you. "8)
I think you are justified.
I would use your judgement, though. "Doing nothing" can mean two different things, in this case, depending on the circumstances. What I mean is, if your parents expect you to take your sister places as part of helping them, I would say, do it. That is the usual, and by refusing, you cause contention, which is the opposite of your aim. You want to be blameless, of service to all, and with malice toward none. She should have absolutely no legitimate complaints against you.
If, on the other hand, you drive her as a favor completely separate from your parents, then "doing nothing" might be just that: "No, I won't drive you to your friends today."
"Why?"
"I don't feel appreciated or loved. It's not that I don't want to do nice things for you. I do. But I'm not comfortable around you."
(See how this works? No blame. No anger. No, "I'm punishing your whiny, spoiled bu** until you shape up." Just reasonable prudence and honesty.)
Good luck!
01 Feb 2006, 4:02 pm
16 Apr 2006, 5:18 am
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