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jdcaldwell
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16 Jul 2009, 3:16 pm

I'm not sure what's going on. Recently my son (5) has started to argue with me in a very peculiar way. I'm used to him disagreeing with me, but recently he's brought in an unknown third party. If I tell him to clean his room he'll say "Benny says I don't have to". or if he wants something, for example, today he asked for a marshmellow, I told him he could have one after lunch, and he said "Benny said I could have a marshmellow before lunch".
We do have a dog named benny, but I don't think he's talking about the dog, although it doesn't really matter, because obviously the dog can't say anything.
I'm getting frustrated, because in his mind, what benny says is law, and he gets really mad at me because I don't listen to what benny told me to do (it has triggered meltdowns at times that I'm not yielding to "benny")
It's not unlike him to have "imaginary" friends, he often plays with George (his shadow), so I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has had this happen, and/or is it just his way of trying to control his environment, which I'm tempted to think is the case.

I don't want to sound like I'm freaking out, I'm mostly just curious.



DW_a_mom
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16 Jul 2009, 5:53 pm

I'm tempted to think its an effort to control his environment, as well. He no doubt has observed that adults are not likely to contradict each other, so he may figure that inserting "benny" creates an authority you are supposed to respect.

Have you asked him who benny is and why he feels you need to respect benny's authority?


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jdcaldwell
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16 Jul 2009, 6:12 pm

not specifically, no. That would probably be a good idea. I asked him if he was talking about the dog, and he just stared at me and then giggled, so I'm not sure what that meant.
It's kind of funny most of the time, I just feel bad when it triggers a meltdown.



Trystania
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16 Jul 2009, 7:00 pm

My son does this too. He found the loophole pretty quickly about talking back to mum! I'm both annoyed and highly impressed with him lol. The other thing he does is to insult people by giving them another name.

Me. Five minutes left on the computer and then we're going out
Him. Grr that Gwen really makes me angry, horrible girl!
In other words "You've annoyed me mummy so I'm going to insult you in code"



jdcaldwell
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16 Jul 2009, 7:16 pm

ha ha, he hasn't done that yet, but I can imagine that's coming pretty soon. :)



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16 Jul 2009, 11:09 pm

Christopher has an imaginary buddy named Rogenox. Apparently, Rogenox is a jaguar, who is in the 5th grade, and lives in the town of Maria, which Christopher also invented. :lol: Rogenox is brought up several times a day. If we're driving to the pool, I'll hear some little tidbit about Rogenox's pool, or about how Rogenox's dad has a pool in his backyard. Everything in our life is compared to Chris' friend's life. It's funny.

So far, he hasn't used Rogenox to try to get away with anything. He just seems to express his wishes and fantasies through him.


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jdcaldwell
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16 Jul 2009, 11:22 pm

A side note, I may have misunderstood (I'm fairly new to the Aspergian world, as my son was relatively recenty diagnosed) but I had heard that one of the "symptoms" of AS is a lack of imagination, which doesn't seem to be the case. It seems like Benny and George both are indications of his creativity and imagination, especially since George specifically entertains him more than real people seem to.
I mean, I would never have thought to make up an advocate in order to get my way when I was his age. It's kind of impressive really, when I'm not arguing with a figment of my son's imagination :)



DW_a_mom
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17 Jul 2009, 11:44 am

jdcaldwell wrote:
A side note, I may have misunderstood (I'm fairly new to the Aspergian world, as my son was relatively recenty diagnosed) but I had heard that one of the "symptoms" of AS is a lack of imagination, which doesn't seem to be the case. It seems like Benny and George both are indications of his creativity and imagination, especially since George specifically entertains him more than real people seem to.
I mean, I would never have thought to make up an advocate in order to get my way when I was his age. It's kind of impressive really, when I'm not arguing with a figment of my son's imagination :)


Ah, yes, that diagnostic criteria ...

While some AS seem to have no creative imagination at all, most seem to have amazing creative imaginations. I think the distinction we've come up with through various discussions on these boards is that AS have trouble imagining specific things, as in directed imagination. If you ask them to pretend they are the President, for example, they might go, "why? I don't want to be President." And, then, well, they can't get into that space. But if you just leave them be and let them create, they will.


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jdcaldwell
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17 Jul 2009, 12:25 pm

that makes sense



Trystania
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17 Jul 2009, 12:35 pm

jdcaldwell wrote:
A side note, I may have misunderstood (I'm fairly new to the Aspergian world, as my son was relatively recenty diagnosed) but I had heard that one of the "symptoms" of AS is a lack of imagination, which doesn't seem to be the case. It seems like Benny and George both are indications of his creativity and imagination, especially since George specifically entertains him more than real people seem to.
I mean, I would never have thought to make up an advocate in order to get my way when I was his age. It's kind of impressive really, when I'm not arguing with a figment of my son's imagination :)


I had a talent for imaginative writing and almost every report I brought home from school had a note telling my parent to encourage it. I was building an ideal world for myself, creating a place where I'd want to be. It was my way of escaping and a very pleasurable pastime. I think your son has created someone he can relate to and who he actually wants to be around.



Marcia
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17 Jul 2009, 5:15 pm

Lol! :D

I just love this place! Where else can you have a matter of fact, supportive and informative discussion about such things as your child introducing "an unknown third party" to an argument and the fact that you know that you are "arguing with a figment of my son's imagination".

When I try to talk about stuff like this with friends I get hopelessly side-tracked into explaining what I'm talking about and no-one really ever gets it. :roll:

My son has about a dozen imaginary friends, who've been with us for a few years now. I have found that it can work to my advantage, especially as he's an only child and often looks to me for entertainment and company when I'm busy doing something else.

So a typical scenario in my house might go something like this:

Son: Come and play Connect 4 with me.
Me: Sorry, I'm busy making the tea/painting the hall ceiling/writing an essay. We could do it later.
Son: But I'm bored. I command you to do it now.
Me: No, I'm busy making your risotto/up a ladder with a tin of paint/working. If you are polite we'll do it later.
Son: No, I'm bored. I need to do something now! (Gets too close to cooker/shakes ladder/tries to sit on my knee)
Me: Tell you what, why don't you play Connect 4 with Henry?
Son: Henry doesn't know how to play Connect 4.
Me: Why don't you teach him? You're good at teaching.
Son: Yes, I am good at teaching. That's a very good idea, mummy! And I'll teach John and Bertie and Tina as well. They're bored too.
Me: Brilliant! Now you've all got something to do!
Son wanders off to find imaginary friends and play Connect 4. He usually wins, but not always! :wink:



jdcaldwell
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17 Jul 2009, 8:28 pm

Lol, I love that "I command you to do it now"
my son says things like that too, and I almost always have to stifle a giggle.

That's a good idea though. I wouldn't have thought to turn his imaginary friends into allies.



SplinterStar
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18 Jul 2009, 9:38 am

I remember all my imaginary friends like they were yesterday even though I understandibly don't see them any more. Thank goodness, since I'm 25, lol.



leechbabe
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18 Jul 2009, 6:29 pm

My youngest was recently interviewed by ABC TV program Catalyst about her 'Finger Friends' both her hands have names, personalities and she plays lots of games with them. It is incredibly helpful - especially getting her to try new foods or play with new toys, Alice and Oosie her finger friends are much braver than she is :)

My oldest seems to have grown out of her imaginary friend, Ah'Tee used to live in the mirror (she was Annie's reflection), then one day she came out of the mirror and joined our family.