Need help explaining death

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My grandmother, who I am very close with, passed away Saturday. We told our children, our youngest is high functioning. We have never had to deal with death before and I am not really sure how to explain things like this to him. He told me last night, "Mama tomorrow you will be old and you will die too." I know that he is very straightfoward and I like that about him but how do I know that he understands death? Also how can I make sure that he does not hurt other peoples feelings? Please any help with this would be greatly appreciated. BTW he is 4.

Well, some of it depends if you are spiritual.
I told my kids that their loved ones "went to live with God". We talked about how it is beautiful and peaceful and they are happy there.
I can see how he would worry about losing you because he needs you.
Tomorrow you won't be old and die too. You could explain that most people live a long life and you plan to be together for a long time. Grandmother was much older than you. She lived a long life! *hard to say and feel enthused*
I was afraid of death when I was young, mostly about losing my parents.
So this is how I always approached it with my kids. Yes, we know we may get hit by a bus tomorrow, but probably not. I never promised them I'd live forever, but that I planned to be here a long time.
I hope he does not dwell on it too much. Distract a lot.
Take care, and I'm sorry for your loss.

I'd say it's like she's sleeping forever and that the generl effect will be that you won't meet her again.

Plants work wonders... not the fastest explanation, but they will see the cycle, how some plants thrive and some struggle, but eventually everything that is born/blooms eventually dies/goes dormant is the general message. And it is a way to spend time with them (the kids) as well.


M.

My father in law passed away last November and I got great advice here at Wrong Planet in this thread

Death

One thing I was told by our speech therapist and also my youngest daughters early intervention teacher is to be very wary of referring to death as any kind of sleep as this may make her fear going to sleep - because she may possibly think she will never wake up.

The follow up thread which includes link to a social story about death
It is all so strange

One of the things we've done since is tell both my girls "Granddad is gone but you can still see his pictures and remember him" it seems to help. We did get lots of extra separation anxiety afterwards from my HFA daughter as she seemed to think if she let me out of her sight I'd go away like Granddad did.

If your children respond well to information in books then the try this one - Lifetimes by Bryan Mellonie.

We are very religious but my son seems to be very scared of God. Not really sure why. We told him that Jesus wanted grandma and that is why she left us. He still dwells on it daily. Thanks for all of your responses and I will check out that book.

I think it is generally very difficult to explain death to a 4 yo. My son is also 4 and we have also had to deal with this issue quite a bit. We've lost 2 close family members, a friend, and our cat, all within the past 2 years. We tried our best to explain it factually and with comfort as our loved ones are no longer in pain (we are not religious). Our biggest struggle has been and still is that he takes everything we say so literally. First we said grandma was asleep (oops) and he then went on to ask if everyone who was sleeping was dead. Then we told him that we had to put our cat to sleep so that she wouldn't be in pain anymore and he kept saying that he hoped she feels better soon. No matter how we tried to explain it, in all different kinds of ways, he couldn't quite grasp the permanence of it. Then one day, a wasp was flying around our kitchen so we smashed it with a phone book (I know - not the nicest thing to do) and my son saw him and said he was dead now so we were all safe. We asked him if he understood what dead meant and he seemed to understand.

Oddly, my son has never shown any kind of fear of death and never once seemed worried that he or us might die. For him, it was more of a struggle to understand the concept of death. He has also blurted out innappropraite comments at wakes. Thankfully our loved ones are very understanding. We have talked with him quite a bit about what is and what is not OK to say in public, but I think this learning process will be ongoing .

Maybe you should have started younger.. I can't remember learning what death was or not knowing about it, I think my parents made me aware of it from the beginning.
makuranososhi has a really good point. Death is everywhere in nature, and you can see it clearly in plants pretty much anywhere. I think that's a very good way to show what death is.