How do you deal with your child lying?

Post Reply New Topic

A couple days ago my nephew knocked down my CD tower my little sister then put all the CD'S (or so I thought) back. Well today we found out she had taken 2 to school without ASKING and mom found 3 more in her room. The little sister says I gave her permission which I DIDN'T so how do you as a parent deal with lying? (My family's deal is to make them write X amount of time I will not Y.) Whether that helps I have no idea. BTW I'm sorry this has nothing to do with AS but since this is the parenting board and WP is one of the main sites I frequent I hope parents will not mind giving me some insight into this issue. Thanks and sorry again.

When my siblings and I were kids if we were caught lying the parents acted like they just caught us roasting puppies.
"You lied? I can't believe you lied! I didn't realize my little girl was a liar! " Then we'd get the silent treatment. Not pleasant.

Actually, I think it is relevent if the sister is AS or not, because the concept of lying is viewed differently by AS than by NT's, largely because of how literal AS are.

If you are the AS one, you will also have to consider if there were nuances in the situation that you may not have seen.

I don't have a huge issue with lying in my household because my son learned from real world experience how quickly the web can tangle when you allow yourself to lie, and he had a horrible time getting himself out of that tangle. Nothing teaches like real life experience. I couldn't have planned it better if I had tried.

Funny question because my eldest daughter lied so much, I couldn't trust what she said. She lied about the stupidest things. We finally realized that if she had done something stupid, like spilled the milk and didn't clean it up, her ego wouldn't allow her to take responsibility for it?? Or something, it was weird and I had a hard time dealing with it. It was at it's peak when she was around 13-14 years old. She seems to be growing out of it finally. It wasn't her only issue, she had many. I couldn't lie as a kid and it's hard to lie as an adult. If I don't want someone to know something, I simply avoid or change the subject, but I can't lie about it.

My son, who is Autistic, he can't lie and it deeply disturbs him if someone lies (hey, just like me! I couldn't believe my own daughter was constantly lying!) I think it has to do with how complex things get when you lie too, but mostly, it so alien.

What did I do? Oh man, the main thing, especially as she got older, was give her the character lecture, and does she want me to see her as being untrustworthy? Over and over and over again. I haven't caught her lying in a long time. If I catch her doing something (usually being a slob, not cleaning up her mess in the kitchen (she is ADD, and always walks away from a job half done) and confront her, you can see it's hard for her, but she does 'fess up now.

Funny thing, I don't worry about her doing really bad things at all, drugs n stuff. You'd think I'd be worried about that, but I actually trust her. She just has this problem with taking responsibility for stupid things, not big things, it's weird!

Jake doesn't lie but then again he doesn't talk much so lying has never been an isuse with him. His older brother does how ever lie now and then. When he is caught lying his pushment is worse then it ever would be if he just told the truth and he is told this. In my family it's of upmost importace that the verbal child never use the nonverbal child as a easy scape goat this is why we are so huge on being truthful an it dose upset Jake when someone lies and he will hit Alex if he does and thats not going to fly etheir.

CRD Exactly right, but I have to admit failure despite harsh punishments that wouldn't have been punishments at all if she told the truth! It was THE most bizarre thing. Thankfully, she is growing out of it, but you still see this look on her face, a struggle, when she tells the truth. She actually is fighting her instincts in order to be good and tell the truth, again on the STUPIDEST things!

It has something to do with ego protection, I'm sure. It's so strange, my husband and I realized there was something going on with her, that she wasn't completely NT herself and we needed to help her too, but we only started helping her with a psychologist a couple of years ago. It's helped immensely. I'm sure growing up with little brother having autism wasn't easy either. He really did get all the attention. I love her to death though, so sharp and funny and probably the most intelligent person I know.

My son, like me, is aspie, and he can't lie. He can refuse to tell the truth, but that's not the same as lying. Whereas some kids would make up a story, or lie to your face, he'll simply look at you with big sad eyes and not say anything. I've had his grandparents comment on his abject honesty, and teachers too. He doesn't get sucked into mischief at school either, because the other kids know that without meaning to he'd have no choice but to give them away.