Kids making fun of my Aspie dd6's chewy necklace

Post Reply New Topic

My dd just started Kinder and wears a chewy necklace every day (she has extreme oral motor fixation that grounds and regulates her). At first they took it away from her (can you believe the school nurse said it was a health hazard?) but now let her have it. She says the other kids call her a "baby", "weird", and "stupid" because she wears the chewy. I would also assume they have singled her out because of her not talking or socializing with them. The teacher (who has no experience and has never heard of Aspergers) thinks he's pulling her into the group by making her class leader, which only makes her more uncomfortable by being singled out.

Any advice on dealing with this? Is there any literature or article I can give him to help explain this to the children? Or should I ask for team building exercises geared towards acceptance and tolerance of differences? Should I get my dd's OT to explain this to the teacher?

Thanks!

I guess you can try and get the teacher educated by recommending books to her about AS, sure you can also have the OT teacher go in and discuss it with your DD's teacher.
You can also tell your daughter she can leave the thing at home so kids will stop making fun of her about it. She can still have it but sometimes there are things we can't do in school that will attract bullies to us. But I would say let it be her decision. Let her know that as long as she brings that thing to school, kids will tease her about it, if she wants them to stop, she is going to have to leave it at home.

That would be why no one ever suggested we buy one of those ...

Still, I think the approach is that kids should be taught to respect individual differences, period, and that means no teasing about clothing, jewelry, hairstyle, and so on. Once you get over that hurdle, so many other issues get solved.

My 8 yr old son is NT, however he has a tendency to chew on his shirt collars. I remember doing the same as a kid or sucking on a sleeve. Don't think this is related to AS, just some sort of comfort mechanism, he never did it until my husband and I got a divorce. Actually, I started doing it after my parents divorce. It is soothing. I got my daughter a necklace kit and she swapped it for something her brother had. Well, he made the necklace and now almost always wears the necklace which I love because he's not chewing out the collars of his shirts. But the kids don't tease him about it. He loves having the necklace and he's in 3rd grade, he thinks it's "cool" to wear. So I guess what I am saying is, insist she have the necklace to chew on as she pleases, it is probably very comforting. Kindergarten is a big transition! Good luck!

I dont want to seem pessimistic, but it is unlikely that the other kids are making fun of your daughter because she chews on a necklace. Sure, that may be what they are making fun of at the time, but not the real reason they are doing it. If she didnt have the necklace, they would probably make fun of her for being too tall, too short, hair too long, hair too short, too brown, not brown enough, funny looking eye lids, etc. What you need to realize is that she is getting picked on because she acts weird, and doesnt fit in with the group. And thats not something she can really change.

So, sure, you can take away the necklace if you want, but it isnt going to do anything to help alleviate the situation. What you need to do is get the other children to stop being such bullies, which is hard because children are natural born bullies. I wouldnt recommend doing this by announcing your child has asperger syndrome, that is only going to make her more of an outcast. If you officially announce that she is diagnosed with something, the other children will think that she is officially labeled as defective, and only tease her further. The best that could come of that is that people might be nice to her out of pity, which really isnt what you want.

The best thing you could do is get the teacher to just leave your daughter be (i.e. dont single her out or call her to the front of the class), and intervene when the other children are teasing her. The teacher needs to make it clear that bullying, teasing, and treating others poorly will not be tolerated. Also, see if you can find another child in your daughter's class who is very kind. Then, invite that child to come over and play with your daughter and try to get them interested in playing with each other. Your daughter and this other child dont need to form some deep bond with each other, they just need to be on friendly terms. So, something simple like inviting them over, eating ice cream, and watching a disney movie would be a good start. The idea is to get somebody else in your daughter's class who will spend some time with her, and associate with her. This simple act of being associated with somebody else greatly reduces the amount of ridicule your daughter will be subjected too.

My son too chews excessively which helps regulate him. He used to take his chewy toy to school and have it in his pocket. He no longer takes it to school, as he is very sensitive to what the other kids think. One suggestion though is can you get her a chewy toy that is attached to a piece of string safety pinned inside her pocket? Then she can just pull it out of her pocket when she needs it. My son is now 8 and the bullying has started, but he does have a small group of friends in his class, that he has been right through with and they remain accepting and supportive of him

Chewing can also be a sign of the childs TMJ Tempero manbibula joint (SP)being out of alignment. Either a Osteopath or chiropractor can help with this, if you know of a good one. The only times my ASDian son chews is when his jaw is out, oh and when he was getting all his big back adult teeth, quickly fixed though.

cheers