Coping with back to school stress

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Just a few more days of summer vacation left. *groan* The resource teacher called to set up appointments the other day, and just the thought of school sent one of my sons into two days of panic and tears. School stress. *groan*

We have had a wonderful summer. The change in one of my sons in particular over the summer has been huge. Shortly before school ended last year, we were at the psych. talking about his self harming, depression and angry outbursts...in short he was in misery. This summer, we have seen him revert back to the talkative, cheerful, teachable, relaxed, funny, affectionate kid we were missing. School stress is quite literally sapping all the joy out of him.

I have enlisted all the help that we didn't have access to before (autism specialists, OT independent from the school's OT, social worker etc.) to come in to the school and try to make this year easier on him. I feel like this is our last try with brick and mortar school, and if we can't get things to the point where his life isn't miserable, we will switch to homeschooling. There is good at this school, or we would already have pulled him. For example, he was involved in a social skills group last year that was his favourite part of school and from which he learned a great deal, and for the first time ever, he has a "best friend".

I would love tips from other parents on how to ease school stress. Things you do at home to help your kids prepare and/or accommodations you have asked for at school that have made a difference for your child?

We are already doing the following things:
-taking them into the school on Thursday to tour their classrooms / meet their new teachers
-having a meeting with their new teachers to discuss their needs, challenges etc.
-trying to speak about the school year in a positive, hopeful way

This year, we will be getting an official IEP for the first time. Last year was our first school year with the diagnosis, but we were advised (by the school) that we didn't need an IEP, because they would already be following the recommendations that I had made (sensory breaks, fidgets, social support etc.), so it wasn't necessary. Um, sure...most of my recommendations were forgotten about over the course of the year in a busy classroom, and by the end of the year we realized that our sons (because they present as being much more high functioning than they are), were getting way, way less help than they needed. So I will be requesting IEPs this year. Any tips or suggestions are really appreciated. Thanks.